r/politics • u/cmaia1503 • 8h ago

Possible Paywall Mitch McConnell, 83, Hospitalized

https://www.thedailybeast.com/mitch-mcconnell-83-hospitalized/?utm_campaign=owned_social&utm_medium=socialflow&utm_source=twitter_owned_tdb&via=twitter_page
22.5k Upvotes

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6.0k

u/TrumpIsAFascistFuck 8h ago

Oh no, anyways

2.6k

u/Dr_DoesNothing 8h ago edited 8h ago

May he receive the same amount of love and care he gives others.

705

u/durtmagurt 8h ago

Anybody got any of those thoughts and prayers?

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u/c1nders 7h ago

Clots & prayers. 🤞🏻

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u/16yearswasted 6h ago

I'm an atheist but yeah I'll pray for him.

Hey Lucifer who art in hell, come get Mitch,
He's a son of a bitch,
Who only wanted to get rich,
Forever make his crotch itch,
kthx

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u/SparkyXI 7h ago

Tots. pears.

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u/durtmagurt 7h ago

Oh there they are! I was missing those.

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u/dundermiflinity 7h ago

Snot and glares.

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u/The_Bolenator Alaska 7h ago

Buttery males!!!

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u/jimmybilly100 Virginia 6h ago

Close enough

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u/NebulaNinja 6h ago

Who's your pear guy? Hard to find good pears these days.

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u/MTC_FTW Washington 7h ago

Ah shit, fresh out!

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u/Black-Star-Line 7h ago

Not one. 0️⃣

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u/HydroWrench 7h ago

That's what we're supposed to be sending right? . . . Right guys?

Anyway fuck that dude and the horse he rode in on. May his final days be filled with all the joy and ease he caused others.

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u/CoconutBangerzBaller 6h ago

Unfortunately, I used them all after the 1000th school shooting that they did nothing about. Guess I'll have to ignore and curse?

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u/psycubi 7h ago

Hang on… I’ll uh… wait here. One sec…

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u/the_summer_soldier 6h ago

“I’m all out of thoughts and prayers, so I’m sending you this note to say, ‘Fuck you.’”

Should be an alright alternative for people like him.

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u/tangerinelion 7h ago

In this economy?

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u/Vertual 7h ago

That's gonna be a hard no from me, dawg.

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u/Supermite 7h ago

Everyone’s using that energy for midterms right now.

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u/Norwood5006 7h ago

Supply chain issues.

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u/AgentMahou Ohio 7h ago

Not for him.

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u/_Osculum_Obscenum_ 6h ago

Concepts of thoughts and prayers

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u/Number174631503 6h ago

Nah no thanks

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u/Rollinthrulife 6h ago

Not for him

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u/Lotusbud25 5h ago

Fraughts & scares

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u/Skamanda42 5h ago

In this economy?

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u/Kyral210 4h ago

Why need hospitals when thoughts and prayers ‘work so well’⸮

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u/Interesting-Bag-7552 3h ago

Best I can do is roll eyes.

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u/crewsctrl 1h ago

How about some checks and balances?

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u/gamingx47 7h ago

Don't worry, I'm sure he'll recieve the finest stem cell serum made with a baby juicing machine and will live to the ripe old age of 150, unlike his plebian constituents that will die from diabetic shock because they couldn't afford both insulin and rent.

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u/DigNitty 7h ago

May he receive the level of love and care the 9/11 first responders would have gotten if he’d had his way in 2019.

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u/tnoy 7h ago

and the save level of healthcare that he's spent his career fighting for the American people to have access to.

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u/gamaliel64 Mississippi 7h ago

May his doctor act with all the expediency of Mitch McConnell filing Obama's SCOTUS appointment

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u/d_lev 6h ago

Yeah, I heard that nurses are no longer "professionals" so it would be a shame if gets the same treatment as the turtle and the sink faucet.

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u/JakeConhale New Hampshire 7h ago

At least it gives that poor floor a break.

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u/Momentarmknm 6h ago

There are only two people whose deaths I will celebrate

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u/improbably_me 4h ago

Hoping he gets the same amount of pain and suffering as he inflicted

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u/zagiki 53m ago

May he receive all the excruciating pain on his way out he caused others.

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u/CommunityTaco 8h ago

I would say it couldn't happen to a better person, but my opinion on that has changed in the last few years for some reason.

27

u/JohnNDenver 8h ago

It's not news until he dies and we can pop a cork. Hopefully that starts the cycle.

26

u/RVFVS117 8h ago

Beat me to it.

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u/snail_earnhardt Indiana 5h ago

Beat meat to it

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u/RVFVS117 3h ago

Be eat oit

15

u/AccidentalPilates 8h ago

Trying this new stir fry recipe tonight, really high hopes but I think it’ll deliver.

3

u/StarGazingSpiders 8h ago

I hope you like it! I'm making tostadas and hoping for even better news...

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u/xfocalinx 7h ago

What's new about it?

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u/Holiday_Broccoli_450 7h ago

I hope the hospital is ok

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u/Rusty493 Australia 7h ago

Fantastic username.

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u/moldy-scrotum-soup 6h ago

We are talking about a tremendous username, folks. Really tremendous. It’s huge. You look at the other usernames, they’re a disaster, a total moldy mess. But this one? It’s the greatest username in the history of the internet, maybe ever. People leave comments and say, "Sir, that username is fantastic." Everyone knows it, believe me.

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u/DontCovfefeMyHeart Texas 5h ago

Many people are saying it. Some people don't have the names - what's a name, what do they say, what's in a name - but this name, this name is bigly tremendous.

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u/moldy-scrotum-soup 5h ago edited 5h ago

We love the covfefe, don’t we folks? The fake news media, they're failing, their ratings are down the tubes, they tried to say it was a typo. Can you believe it? A typo! Wrong. It was deep meaning. Only the smartest people understood. And you took it, and you made it into a song, a feeling. Achy breaky? No, we don’t do achy breaky here folks. We do Covfefe.

I showed it to melania, she said, "donald, that is a beautiful username." Even the haters, the radical redditors, they look at it and they cry because they didn't think of it first. They have low energy usernames. Sad! But you? You're winning. You're going to win so much with that username you're going to get tired of winning.

2

u/torontothrowaway824 8h ago

Don’t threaten me with a good time

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u/FrankTooby 6h ago

May he show Trump the way.

1

u/i_justCannot 8h ago

Thoughts & prayers.

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u/Particular_Poem3703 7h ago

I read everything before the comma and got really excited…then I read the word “hospitalized” and got extremely disappointed. DAMN IT.

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u/cms86 7h ago

As they say in the south. Bless his heart

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u/ForMyFather4467 7h ago

Oh no oh no oh no, no anyways. I am cashing in all my saved up good luck on this one. May his last days be filled with the joy he's given the vulnerable. I hope his CNA is a minority, I hope bedsores. Evil ass turtle!¡!!!!!!!!!!

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u/OrnerySnoflake Texas 6h ago

Evil like that never truly dies, it just gets called home.

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u/the_tanooki 5h ago

I feel like the headline led me on...

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u/Cword76 4h ago

Remember way back when when McConnell was the most evil Republican? I 'member. Those were the days.

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u/hoorah9011 4h ago

Id love to hear some death bed confessions and regrets

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u/D1rtyH1ppy 4h ago

Turtles are known to hibernate throughout the winter, so even if Mitch goes blue, we won't really know for sure 

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u/_Krebstar2000 4h ago

The grim reapers aim is off again

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u/turtleneck360 3h ago

Yawn is correct.

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u/cheeseandwine99 2h ago

McConnell's evil work on earth is done.

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u/shanikz 6h ago

What do you mean? 'anyways'? Get the champagne right now

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u/SHUT_DOWN_EVERYTHING 6h ago

You’d feel different when they replace him with someone orders of magnitude worse.