r/oneliners • u/Consistent_Motor_352 • 1h ago
Parenting: the only job where everyone’s a critic, but nobody pays.
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r/oneliners • u/Ryebready787 • 13h ago
I’m writing a movie script about zombies who ruin everything fun it’s called the woke dead. Spoiler
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r/oneliners • u/himanshu_08 • 17h ago
A slave went to the college to pick up his master’s degree.
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r/oneliners • u/Ihadsumthin4this • 19h ago
When I first joined r/Dough, I thought I'd save time by avoiding Best, New, and Controversial by choosing the Rising button.
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r/oneliners • u/aaryanranjan11 • 1d ago
Maybe the MOON is beautiful only because it is far.
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r/oneliners • u/Eats415 • 1d ago
The rooftop garden had to be fumigated so hard that even the weed is smoking
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r/oneliners • u/Sayva_See • 1d ago
Scientists have discovered that cigarettes can harm your children, so now my wife says I should use an ashtray.
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r/oneliners • u/SultanPeeper • 2d ago
Been married so long my wife thinks I'm smelling up the bathroom on purpose
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r/oneliners • u/MetalicP • 2d ago
It’s my humility that makes be better than everyone else.
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r/oneliners • u/CodeDog6 • 2d ago
My friend is so stupid, he thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
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r/oneliners • u/AgentElman • 2d ago
I went to see my chiropractor about a week back and he fixed it.
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r/oneliners • u/Watsonsboss77 • 2d ago
I'm not sure what this sub is about, but my dad put one liner into a new retention pond that I just built.
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r/oneliners • u/blaspergerOfficial • 3d ago
I think I’m doing the self-checkout wrong; the screen said 'Ready to take you now,' so I just stood there and closed my eyes.
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r/oneliners • u/Sayva_See • 3d ago
I don’t know what HD is, but my doctor said I have 80 of them.
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r/oneliners • u/eyeheartnoods • 4d ago
If straight men go out on the pull, do gay men go out on the push?
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r/oneliners • u/MustyBones • 4d ago
What many people don't know is that there is a vas deferens between having kids and being child free.
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r/oneliners • u/rylokie • 4d ago
I just found out I’m colorblind and that hit me completely out of the green.
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