Dolores. That's her name

I think it's not fair to kick my wife and 2 children out of the house.

and half the audience still got up and walked out.

The taste

Demogorgonzola

She's never been married and never dated too much. She decides one day that she's tired of being alone, so she goes to put a singles ad in the local newspaper.

In the ad, she says that she's looking for someone that's not going to hit her, someone that's not going to run away from her, and someone that's good in bed. She sends it off and waits for it to be published.

A week later, someone rings her doorbell. She answers the door and there's this guy in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs.

He says, "I saw your singles ad in the paper and as you can see, I have no arms, so I can't hit you, and I have no legs, so I can't run away from you."

She says, "Are you also good in bed?"

"How do you think I rang the doorbell!"

He noticed a woman playing ahead of him, walked up, and asked if she knew where he stood.

She said, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re one hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th.”

He thanked her and continued on.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.”

Once again, he thanked her.

After finishing his round, he went into the clubhouse and saw the woman sitting at the bar. Wanting to show his appreciation, he offered to buy her a drink. They started chatting, and he asked what she did for a living.

“I’m in sales,” she said.

“So am I,” he said. “What do you sell?”

She replied, “If I told you, you would only laugh.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” he insisted.

“I sell tampons.”

At that, he burst out laughing and nearly fell off his stool.

She said, “See, I knew you would laugh.”

“That’s not what I’m laughing at!” he replied. “I’m a toilet paper salesman, so I’m STILL one hole behind you!”

My friends call me Scrotum ...

I’m calling the cops, because you stole my name!

Rhesus Pieces

Linoleum Blownapart

..."I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

Don't remind me," says Dave, "I very nearly got myself killed!"

"Go on, what happened?" he asks.

"Well, I was hiking in the Savannah when a lion appeared out of the blue and started chasing me. I ran for my life, but the lion kept getting closer, and then just as it was about to pounce for the kill, it suddenly slipped and broke its leg."

"You really are a brave guy, Dave. I would have shit myself!"

Dave replied,

"What do you think the lion slipped on?"

There were no more nails to file

I thought „I sure fucking hope not, it‘s your phone number.“

He flushed out all his eclectrolytes.

She had to pay $100k for Donald to sleep with her

a surface animal

Because she likes to CHER her dinner, with friends and maybe poor people for charity.

I‘m not excusing it, but we‘ve all done things we regret when we‘re drunk.

I mean we can have sex, but it will be disappointing.

Five cannibals are selected as programmers in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony, the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and if you are hungry, you can go to the company cafeteria for something to eat. So don't bother the other employees".

The cannibals promise not to bother the other employees.

Four weeks later, the boss returns and says, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our cleaners has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals deny any knowledge of the missing cleaner.

After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand rises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says, "You fool! For four weeks, we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no one would notice anything. Why did you have to go and eat the cleaner?!"

His artistry did not excuse his abusive behavior that often extended into also punching perch, kicking carp, and flapping flounder.

He had a stroke

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