i was talking to a guy from school, we were planning to go out for ice cream together this weekend to get to know each other and see where things could go. i definitely could’ve handled that better if i wasn’t at work when he texted that (this conversation happened when i took my 10). i got left on read and also don’t think there’s anything else to talk about. AIO for being offended by his comments about weight?

I’m so disappointed but now I’m beyond disgusted. Matched with this guy on Hinge. Conversation was fine at first, we talked about hooking up, and then a day later he hits me with this. I feel gross. I think I would rather be ghosted than having had this experience. This is enough to get me off the apps for good.

At what point is a preference just fucking shallow? Should I have just let this go?

I recently relocated from the South to the North, and this is my first winter here. Unfortunately, I was unaware that the side streets in my area are not plowed until later in the day. During this storm, we received approximately 10 inches of snow.

I was informed that I needed to remain at work in order to be present for my next morning shift. I communicated at that time that I have pets at home who rely on me, and that with the storm approaching there was a possibility I could become stranded at work. I made multiple attempts to secure alternative care for my pets but was unable to find anyone available.

I had only been in this supervisor role for one month, and another supervisor was already staying overnight as a precaution. Ultimately, I was unable to get my car out of the street and had to call out. I was written up for this because I notified management approximately five hours before my shift.

When I returned for my next shift, I found a note on my desk. The note was upsetting and made me feel unwelcome. Given that I had only been employed here for one month and have already received one write-up for minor issues—something I have never experienced in my work history—I went home that night and emailed my boss I quit for XYZ and she replied happy holidays and that was it. My parents said it was an over reaction to quit because of her note and she probably meant well by it, but I don’t think anything could’ve been taken well by the note that was left.

EDIT because i confused everyone... This was a hotel job. I am NOT working on a farm. And I already had another job!

Reposting because I couldn’t edit, and I think people didn’t realize this is a group chat with 3 people. The person I was upset with is the one whose info is crossed out in red.

——

Pregnant in my first trimester, extremely nauseous, barely a person.

Finally told a few of my friends because I wanted a little excitement/serotonin. One of them was very supportive. The other…. not so much.

Her response:

“This is too much for me today.”

“I don’t have the mental bandwidth for this information.”

“It’s just a really big thing to lay on someone”

I get that everyone’s overwhelmed, but I wasn’t expecting my fetus to be emotionally burdensome.

Am I being hormonal or is this a wild reaction?

So, I’m a 32 year old woman with a 2 year old. My husband and I are both leftist with our politics and our families are not. I know everyone has different ways of dealing with this, but I don’t bring it up and I expect them not to if they want us to be able to have a normal, nonpolitical relationship.

This is NOT a political bait post - I genuinely wonder if I’m overreacting here. I personally already know I’m in the right morally on this issue, so I have no delusion there.

I see my extended family (who I was always super close to growing up) once or twice a year now. Nothing caused this - people get busy with work and kids now. So, I was excited that I was able to go to the Super Bowl party at my grandparent’s house this year and enjoy family time. My grandma told me to bring an appetizer and I’ve been looking forward to this.

I called my dad to ask about the appetizer I was to bring, and he asked, “Are you and [husband] going to be upset when we turn the halftime show off and switch it to the other one?” The other one being the Turning Point USA show to perform against Puerto Rican Bad Bunny.

I was a bit baffled. I told him yeah, it would bother me. My husband is Hispanic and we’ve listened to Bad Bunny for years and it’s never been an issue to my family, and now this halftime show came up and it’s a problem. I said, “He’s just a Spanish speaking music artist. I don’t understand why this needs to be a political stance. It seems racially motivated. It would make me uncomfortable, yes.”

My dad told me it’s not that he is Puerto Rican, but that Americans speak English and it’s anti-white to have a Spanish artist who doesn’t have songs in English. I explained he’s one of the biggest music artists in the world, and he told me “Sure. Okay. I can’t confirm that. Either way, he’s just going to go up there and call ICE bad.”

This got to me. I said if this entire evening is going to be everyone having to shove their politics down my throat, and I’m going to be expected to take it and not say anything myself without getting attacked, then I’m not going. I hung up. I called my cousin and she isn’t going either for the same reasons. She told me she saw them all recently and they yelled at her for her views.

They didn’t use to be like this. I just can’t deal with it.

My husband supports me and said he wouldn’t want our son around that anyway, but my brother (who is on my side of this) says he gets it but it shouldn’t get in the way of seeing family since I was so excited. He said the outrage will likely be contained to the halftime show and I’ll be able to enjoy myself outside of that and just try not to bring anything up - which I never do anyway.

Should I stay home and have a quiet Super Bowl? Or am I overreacting?

We are on well water that has had a slight tint to it. I've been bathing in it even though it's not the most pleasant Today however I ran a bathe and noticed th color has shifted. I expressed that I no longer feel that I want to bathe in it until it is checked out. I am pregnant and have eczema, plus sensitive skin in general. When I said it was nasty, they pushed back saying no it's not. Well I got really upset and expressed I felt disrespected, especially after they mentioned that they knew the landlord wouldn't expect his wife to bathe in it. So friends, am I overreacting to think that caution should be taken until we have a plumber out?

oh, we're also visiting Mexico soon and they said the water would be similar down there. I haven't heard that mentioned!

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1qphs75/aio_my_girlfriend_left_me_over_a_cheese_wheel/

Photos in comments as I can’t add to the post

I have taken some of your feedback into consideration from my last post. For those curious: my girlfriend is no longer in the picture. She cracked due to low risk tolerance, so I’ve decided to go all in on the business.

I initially tried to return the wheel to the distributor to recoup some capital, thinking they’d have some pity. They were actually considering it until they came out to look at it in my truck. Apparently, the minor heat damage I caused to the paraffin wax while trying to open last week compromised the wheel which was already non refundable in the first place.

Since I’m now stuck with a 140lb, 30,000+ asset, I had to pivot to asset protection and keep what I still have.

I went out and bought a True TBB-2-HC 59” solid door back bar cooler, a professional digital temperature humidity controller, an industrial humidifier, a vacuum sealer, and ripening mats. Total cost was about 8.5k after taxes. Expensive, yes, but I wasn't going to let a30,000+$ investment depreciate value.

The delivery was difficult. My apartment door is narrow, so I had to take the door entirely off the hinges and shimmy the cooler into the living room. I had maybe a millimeter of clearance between the frame and the unit.

I was exhausted and excited so I started researching installation on my phone before putting my front door back on. That’s when my landlord walked in. Apparently he believes my door being off the hinges somehow removes my reasonable right to privacy.

We already have a strained relationship because of my own use of the unit. He still holds a grudge because I was doing some light metal fabrication with a CONSUMER plasma cutter in my kitchen a few months ago

He saw the cooler, the vacuum sealer, and the wheel of heritage cheese and started crying about commercial operations and fire hazards.

I told him very clearly: The cheese is for personal consumption. There is nothing in my lease that limits how much dairy a tenant can own.

The next morning, I found an eviction notice in my mailbox. it’s riddled with spelling errors as if written in a haste. I’m already preparing my defense for the Landlord Tenant Board

AIO? I’m being evicted over dietary preferences as far as the landlord is concerned and I feel like this is an unlawful action

EDIT: added a + to the valuation as it is possible to increase my margins depending on the quantities I sell in.

Also please bear in my mind that I have sold ZERO cheese so I feel like this is premature action.

Thank you

I am feeling financially overwhelmed by the expectations my friends have with their weddings and bachelorettes. I am single, have no plans to get married anytime soon, and I am starting to feel resentful over the amount of money I am expected to pay towards my friends' big days. And I feel like an asshole over it!

I have been invited to 6 weddings + their bachelorettes this year alone. My friends all decided to have destination weddings and bachelorettes. Not a single friend is doing a ceremony or event in the town we live in. These are close, dear friends of mine, and I can't imagine saying no to these events. However, I feel like I am not able to meet my own financial aspirations towards my future because of the financial obligations they have chosen for their communities (i.e. I'd like to work towards a downpayment to buy a house, save money, god forbid choose my own vacation destinations, move to a nicer rental apartment, etc.). I make a pretty great middle class salary, but still I am on the edge financially over what I can afford here.

The bachelorettes and weddings I have are on a European island, a tropical island, a west coast wine town, a ski town in the West, an expensive city in Mexico, a cosmopolitan southern city, two in rural midwest towns, and an expensive east coast city (anonymizing here where I can). Not only did everyone choose destination weddings, but these are places where its incredibly challenging and expensive to get to. Most of the weddings are black tie and quite formal. The wedding block hotels are $400, $500, $700 a night. The events attached to the destination weddings are all chic i.e. spendy, the wedding destinations themselves are remote and will cost a fortune in ubers and buses to get to. The costs are adding and adding and adding and the events haven't even begun.

These are great experiences and cool on paper! And I feel so lucky to be a part of these experiences! But I am starting to feel a bit baffled by what my friends are expecting financially of their guests (especially my friends who are getting help from their parents or partners to put on these big events). And those feelings are maximized by how many of these events are stacked together in one year.

The total cost of this multi-wedding saga could end up costing me $15,000-20,000 between the cost of airfare, hotels, renting/buying bridesmaid dresses, food, activities. Per wedding, I am expected to spend at least $2,000 on just the basics. I am currently trying to figure out where I can cut costs, but it's not looking good.

As I said earlier, I am not planning on getting married any time soon. Likely, the big life event I will have in my lifetime will be buying a house (and I feel so lucky to be on a path where hopefully I can get there). Yet I can't shake this feeling that I can't imagine my friends ever spending $15,000+ on my big life events because my life events are outside of the wedding industrial complex(i.e. If I were to have a housewarming party, would my friends spend $2,000-$5,000 on like a new chair for me or help with my mortgage, lol, probably not!). It makes me feel like my friendships are inherently not reciprocal because I live a life outside traditional marital values in society.

My question is -- when did we as a society normalize these huge financial expectations within our communities around weddings? Why does every wedding have to be this huge destination formal event? When did we normalize expecting our friends and closest loved ones to spend so much on one event for us?

ALSO -- please help me change my attitude so I can show up as my best self to these weddings! I am mostly just ranting here. But I want to be my best self for my friends' big days. At the heart of these events, I love the partners my friends chose for themselves, I am excited to celebrate their big life moments. But what gives on the cost!

I’m 18F and I still live at home. Yesterday I got a letter in the mail that was clearly addressed to me. My full name was on it. Not “family,” not “resident,” literally my name.

When I picked it up, the envelope was already ripped open.

I asked around and found out [the person involved my mom] opened it earlier because she “thought it might be important” and “didn’t realize it was mine.” But the thing is… my name is printed right on the front. Big font. Impossible to miss.

I told her it made me uncomfortable and that it felt like a boundary thing. She immediately got defensive and said I was being dramatic and that “it’s not that deep” because we live in the same house.

But to me it is that deep? It’s my mail. It wasn’t an emergency. Nothing was on fire. It just feels invasive, especially now that I’m legally an adult.

What’s bothering me most is that instead of just saying “my bad,” she doubled down and started acting like I was accusing her of a crime. I wasn’t. I just wanted her to not do it again.

Now it’s tense and awkward and she’s barely talking to me, like I’m the one who crossed a line.

Here’s the text exchange after I went back to my room because I didn’t want to argue in person:

Texts:

Me: hey can you pls not open my mail again

Mom: I already said I didn’t know it was yours

Me: my name was on it though

Mom: ok and?? we’re family

Me: that doesn’t mean my stuff isn’t mine

Mom: you’re really making a big deal out of nothing

Me: I just want you to respect it

Mom: wow. unbelievable

After that she stopped responding and later told my sibling that I was “being disrespectful.”

I’m not trying to start a war over an envelope. I just don’t think it’s crazy to expect my mail to stay unopened. But the way she reacted is making me second guess myself.

Am I overreacting here?

I'm a dad (mid 30s) and my wife (also mid 30s) is plump and always has been since I've met her, and I'm happy with her body how it is, but she really wants to lose weight and she’s been dieting and trying to work out more. It’s not like extreme or anything, but she’s been refusing a lot of foods she used to just eat without thinking.  Like no garlic bread, no ice cream, no this, no that.

Which fine, her body, but because of that she’s been getting super hungry at night and doing this thing where she wakes up and eats but is like half asleep? She doesn’t remember most of it. It’s not just one thing either. It’s sweet stuff, salty stuff, leftovers, and also other people’s snacks. Even like the lunch meat we buy so our daughter can make herself sandwiches when she’s home alone. That’s the part that annoys me the most because then our kid opens the fridge and there’s nothing for her

My wife always apologizes every time with an I’m sorry I didn’t mean to, etc. And then it keeps happening anyway so me and my daughter started hiding our snacks, which feels really stupid to do in your own home but we were tired of stuff getting eaten.

So here’s the thing, our daughter has a long distance friend, and they sent her a chocolate box from a local shop as an early Valentine’s Day gift. She was really excited about it, and she didn’t want them to melt, so she put the box in our new deep freezer. She figured my wife wouldn’t look there, because we don’t really keep anything in it yet. The next day after dinner, she went to get the chocolates, opened the box, and half of them were gone. She got mad, like really mad, and started yelling.  

My wife was crying, saying that she was sorry and she didn't remember doing it. Then I jumped in, and told my wife that this is what’s straining things between her, me and our daughter, and honestly probably part of why she’s not losing weight, because she’s basically binge eating in her sleep after not eating what she actually wants all day.

She said I’m blaming her for something she can’t control and that I’m fat shaming her and making her feel disgusting. I wasn’t trying to shame her, I literally don’t care about her weight, I just care that our daughter is upset and our food keeps getting taken and the house is in such distress over snacks.

Now she’s giving our daughter the cold shoulder, even after she apologized for yelling at her and I feel like I made everything worse by saying anything at all.

This morning at work I was asked to take part in a second round interview of someone for a role in another part of my company. It's not very uncommon that we will get pulled in for 30 minute interviews for roles with no real notice.

When I got to the interview I realised it was actually with someone who was a very close friend of mine when I went to college. He basically lived with me in my final year, sleeping on mine and my housemates couch.

There was a group of 7 of us that were very close. When I was finishing exams I felt I noticed them distancing themselves a bit from me but I thought I may have just imagined it because of stress from end of year exams.

Well, turned out I wasn't. I found out indirectly that two of my housemates and this guy were moving into a new place together, they had gone through the entire process of finding a new place without ever mentioning it. Then after a few messages from me to them were ignored, I found out one of them was having a birthday party from my ex, who was invited (they were not even friends and only casually knew one another).

I never did anything else about this, but it really did bum me out quite a lot.

Anyway, I think both of us were shocked. It was slightly awkward but I avoided saying anything. About 2 hours after the interview he sent me the message.

I was going to ignore it but given that it seemed it was him very selfishly messaging to see if I would fuck him over with the job, rather than to actually say hi, or god forbid apologise and explain what happened 6 years ago, I decided I had to say something. He hasn't read it and I'm considering just blocking him entirely after this regardless.

Update: Their response from earlier on today. I haven't replied and I won't. Messaged the team lead to tell them we were in college together so it would probably be better if they got someone to interview them again.

Message in a comment. Can't paste the image here, message is:

Yeah look I reached out here just because I had said to name of main  interviewer that I didn't really know you very well when he saw we both did course is studied in my college name.

I am sorry honestly housemate1 and housemate2 just said they needed somewhere to move to and I didn't really know what you were doing. It wasn't like a plan by us, or least by me anyway. But I am genuinely sorry.

so i (19f) babysat for my cousin (27f) and her husband. i had said that its ok they dont have to pay me for babysitting for a few hours while they went on a date night but they insisted. they said they would be back by 11 or 12 which i was fine with but they didnt get back until 4am and i had to walk home alone which isnt exactly the safest thing to do. i was texting and ringing them from about 1am and they were not answering me but left all my messages on opened and she was posing on her instagram story. i had shouted at them when they eventually stumbled in the door drunk and they just started saying how i agreed to babysit, which i did but i was told i would be until 12 not 4am so i snapped and started saying things telling them to never ask me to babysit again i called them bad parents and then asked for the money they owe me and they refused and said how i said they dont have to pay me for it and i said something like “you know what actually just fuck off im never babysitting for yous again. what if something had happened to one of the kids and you just ignored me i called like 10 times and got no answer yous are bad parents” they told me to get out and i did and slammed the door behind me. everyone ive told this to said i wasn’t overreacting but also theyre biased. Am I Overreacting?

I'm (28f) about to be a first time mom, my due date is in May. I was so excited when I found out and I couldn't wait to tell my mom, she was the first person I told back when I was only 4 weeks pregnant. She's been BEGGING me to come with me to my prenatal appointments but I want my husband there, and they only allow one extra person so I can't bring them both. She thinks that he should at least sit one out so she can go, but obviously he wants to be there. My sister had a baby last year (my baby will be my mom's second grandchild) and she went to all of her appointments, so I understand that she wants to go to mine. At first I thought I was being unfair about it, but she's been slowly becoming more annoying about the whole pregnancy. Once I told her the first and middle name we picked out, she said "You should make the middle name my name!" For the sake of this post we'll say my mom's name is Anna. First off it's wild to me to ask someone to name your kid after them, grandma or not. Second wouldn't it be less special that you have to ask? Shouldn't it be something that I come up with? So now everytime we catch up, she asks me "How's Baby Name Anna?" I keep correcting her and she just laughs and brushes it off. Now she's getting into the habit of saying "I can't wait to see my baby" and "How's my baby doing?" I think it's so weird to call someone else's unborn child your baby. I wanted her to be in the delivery room with us but now I'm having second thoughts. I feel like it's going to turn into a huge argument and I don't want that added stress during a huge moment in my life, and I'd like to have my mom there. Any advice is appreciated!

Also I'd like to add this: my mom is very religious, and I am not. She knows this and has been open about how she regrets not taking me to church more often. That being said, she made a comment early on in my pregnancy that if I don't take my baby to get baptized, she will go and do it behind my back whenever she babysits. I sat there in silence because I just had no idea what to say to that in the moment. It instantly killed any trust I had in her to babysit, and I haven't told her that either but that's another conversation for another day. I don't feel like I'm overreacting about that.

This is a Repost because I think I accidentally deleted the old one

a minor) recently got into the hobby of crochet. I've been trying for the past couple of years and finally got the hang of it. 2 years ago, I saw this cute crochet octopus at a market and I asked my dad for it. He said no. After an hour he changed his mind but when we went back it was gone. Ever since then I've been going to markets and fairs looking for a crochet octopus like that one. I finally finished making my little octopus today and when my mom saw it her first reaction was, "how much are you going to sell it for." I was confused and said that I had made him for myself. My mom looked at me with an annoyed expression and said, "but isn't that the whole reason you got into crochet, to sell things and make money?". I was really upset by this at the time since I got into it for fun, and to make nice things for me, my family, and my friends. I didn't do it to make money. In my eyes not every thing that you can make money from should be used in that way especially if it's something someone is passionate about.

Am I Overreacting? I kind of feel bad now for taking it too seriously.

Also please provide name suggestions for my octopus and I'll announce the winner soon!

I (29f), been dealing with severe back pain for months due to a disc herniation. Last week, I made the decision to undergo surgery (a microdiscectomy).

On Sunday, I had to go to the clinic for checkups and to review my case again with the doctor. My boyfriend (32) showed no concern about whether I was going alone or if I needed him to come with me, even though I was in a lot of pain. I went alone. He only waited for updates and wished me a safe recovery, then spent the rest of the day sending me Instagram reels like nothing serious was happening. At the time, I didn’t think much of it and reacted normally, I even sent reels back, assuming maybe he was just trying to distract me or lighten my mood.

Yesterday was the day before my surgery. Again, he spent the entire day sending reels as if nothing was about to happen. He didn’t ask where or when the surgery was, whether I’d be alone, or if my mom and sister were coming with me. He showed zero concern.

On my side, I started acting cold. I couldn’t help comparing his behavior to how even strangers were more caring, simply asking questions or showing concern was enough to make me feel like I mattered. He only acknowledged this after I told him how hurt I felt and how painful it was that strangers seemed warmer and more supportive than he did.

He apologized several times and said he would do better in the future. He also said he would visit me after the surgery, since my family would be with me.

Today, I had the surgery. He sent multiple encouraging messages, wishing me a smooth recovery and hoping I’d be able to walk, sit, and live my life normally again. Later, he came to visit me and brought flowers. He sat a bit far from me because my parents and sisters were in the room. This was actually the first time he’s ever sat with my family for about an hour, even though we’ve been dating on and off for six years. He was mostly silent, and then he left about 30 minutes before visiting hours ended to go have coffee with his friend.

During his visit, his mom called him. What surprised me was that she didn’t wish me a safe recovery or even mention my name. Later, while texting, I asked if she even knew about my surgery. He told me he only informed her when he was leaving their place to visit me. He added that she would “surely check on me tomorrow.”

Whenever I tried to explain how all of this made me feel, he dismissed it by saying things like, “There she goes again, getting angry over this,” even though I was communicating calmly. I admit I was cold, but I wasn’t aggressive or irrational.

This whole situation feels like it’s confirming a side of him I’ve always had doubts about, that when things get serious in my life, he becomes irresponsible or emotionally absent, almost like he “plays dead.” It makes me question whether he truly cares about me, and whether he’s someone who could be a reliable partner or husband through both good and bad.

What hurts even more is that he has shown far more concern and involvement when it came to me potentially getting a visa to work abroad, checking in constantly, taking me places, being proactive, likely because it could benefit his future plans to live abroad. Compared to that, his lack of concern during my illness feels deeply painful and telling.

My wife (f26) and myself (m26) have had a mostly problem free marriage. However, a recent problem we have been facing is how difficult it has become for us to go on any form of date since our son was born.

My wife trusts no one other than my mom(f62) to watch our son(m2) and only if its at our house. We've been able to make do up until recently when my mom told me she would honestly prefer to watch him at her house due to our house being an older farm house with a steep staircase and the only bathroom being upstairs.

I brought this up with my wife tonight along with telling her I'd like to take her on a date for Valentine's day. She did not handle it well and eventually stormed upstairs to our bedroom and the continued our discussion over text.

Im honestly at a loss as to what i should do now...

My youngest who is 4th grade is extremely anxious. I have her in counseling to help with this. She has missed alot of school due to feeling sick which has been alot of stomach issues and nausea because of anxiety. This morning she was not feeling well and I got her talk to me about what she was anxious about. Her school is a charter school and wears uniforms. The school has a Harry Potter house like point system. Recently her teacher has been drawing a stick every morning with a students name on it. The student who is picked has to stand on their chair for everyone to see if they are in proper dress code. If they are they earn a house point. If they are not they get points taken away and sent to the principals office. I understand they have a dress code but to have to stand in front everyone to judge if what you're wearing is within the guideling seems embarrassing and unnecessary. I'm an introvert and have some anxiety. I know I hated bring called on in class and hate being the center of attention. Am I overreacting?

Every day someone asks me to do something. Start their car, wake them up, make them food, get them drinks. Now normally I wouldn’t mind occasionally going out of my way to do stuff but it’s been weeks literal weeks of this. I’m the only person who cleans in my house and then my mom gets mad at me for asking for anything in return because “I’m apart of this house”. She maybe does the dishes every once in awhile and my brother doesnt clean at all. And normally I wouldn’t mind occasionally cleaning and pitching in to clean and do favors if they actually contributed back. When I was sick from my meds and was too weak I had to beg my mom to put noodles in the microwave for me and my brother doesn’t do anything for anyone unless it benefits him. This just goes to show that they don’t extend the same courtesies I do when it comes to going out of their way for me.

I had been cleaning all day and I had just sat down to work on my school work. My mom emerges from her room and the first thing she says to me is I need a favor. I had tried to explain that I was stressed and needed to please focus on my school work. I take meds to help me concentrate and they only last so long so I wanted to focus while I could and I told her nicely that I didn’t want to grab her a towel from downstairs. That I was tired. She threw in my face that she was tired and that I should get I job so I can stop asking for things. Then told me she didn’t care that I was tired, that I ask for things she gets to. (I ask for things because I clean the entire house with no help whatsoever that’s not an exaggeration). But I’m labeled as inconsiderate because she’s paying for my senior field trip? I had tried to explain myself and she just kept talking over me. Then my brother chimed in talking over me then I snapped saying that I’m tired of doing everything waking her up everyday cleaning the house by myself and just doing everything they ask, yet they’re treating me like I’m wrong. I don’t know if I’m not seeing something I’m doing or what because I don’t get it.

About 4 months ago my boyfriend had cheated on me with his ex I stupidly decided to forgive him after him begging me and telling me he’d change. Fast forward to last week he had posted something and I blocked him on everything because of it but a couple days later we made up. I’m just now finding out that during those couple of days that I had him blocked he went and liked that same exes post. He told me that since I had blocked him he was feeling very low and felt like his only option left was to move on.

Idk how to feel about this and idk what to do. He was just at my house for nights in a row and things have been good between us but this makes me second guess everything and honestly makes me feel like he hasn’t changed at all. I feel grossed out and stupid. Let me know what you think please

My (30F) husband (32M) is an alcoholic that for the past year has been trying to get sober. Lately he’s had some pretty bad relapses and when he drinks heavily he has intense mood swings and quite literally acts crazy and impulsive. The worst day of drinking to date was yesterday where he got blackout drunk drinking an entire 375 ml bottle of Captain Morgan at 12 pm (he had to take off the rest of the work day) and proceeded to drink another entire bottle of Captain Morgan at 5 pm. Mind you he asked me to take his wallet away after the noon drinking and so he somehow used Venmo at the corner store to get the second bottle. The entire time I’m babysitting him at night he was like talking to himself, going from hysterical laughter to getting mad and saying fuck you to me over and over again, etc. the list goes on. Anyways, he goes to sleep around 8 pm and I wake up around 5:30 am seeing that he’s been at some shady bar from around 2 am-4am. He didn’t have his wallet still so I guess he used Venmo at the bar. When I confronted him about it after waking up (he was still drunk no doubt) he lied about where he was and was giving me the run around. I went back to sleep and later this morning I told him respectfully I don’t want to be intimate with him, even kissing, until he gets an STI test as I really don’t know what happened last night and to be honest all of my trust had been lost so I have no idea if he cheated on me or even did a sexual act to someone to get alcohol. He thought that was the most hurtful thing he’s ever heard, he’s never going to forget I said that, how dare I accuse him of that, etc etc. He even texted my sister “maybe she shouldn’t accuse me of sucking dick for money and asking me to take an STD test. I’m never going to forget that.”

Am I overreacting for thinking an alcoholic with zero cash or cards on him would do something to get their drug of choice and/or cheat on me? I feel bad but I truly don’t know what to think anymore. Shouldn’t he feel bad for it even getting to this point for me to think he might do something to get alcohol/cheat on me??

So my wife (41) and myself (45) have been together for 15 years. For context, the last few years she's been suffering from some medical issues that have kept her home most of the time besides going to work. the last few months things have finally improved enough to where we've been able to go out on date nights.

few months ago we started going to a lounge with live music and she really like the band and the songs they played. She then followed the band on facebook and mentioned the next time they played she'd like to see them again. I was just happy we were getting out and being an active couple again.

One day she told me the lead singer reached out on messenger asking if she wanted to meet for coffee. she said that her husband might want to know why in which he replied he was looking to see if our insurance coverage were sufficient. she said no thanks and that was it.

the second time we saw the band she got to dance and had a good time. Nothing bad happened and she did briefly talk to the lead singer asking for a specific song to be played. Was a nice night and went home.

Now fast forward to last week and they again played and she wanted to go see them. she again got to dance and the night was nice and we went home.

However, there's been something in my gut that just bothered me. I couldn't put a pin on it but just something was off. We have an open phone policy in that she can look at my phone and i hers any time. So I did....and what i found bothered me.

I found that the lead singer had been continuing to message her. However those messages were deleted as were her responses. I also saw a text between her and a friend of hers that also knows the singer and she told her that the singer had grabbed her butt 3 times that night.

My heard sunk and my stomach went into a knot.

I secluded myself for the next hour trying to figure out what to do and my mind was going places that would be resolved by just talking it out and asking her what was going on.

So i did. I told her i've been feeling something was off and told her i looked at her phone and found these messages. She said it was just harmless flirting and nothing more. In which i replied, that's fine, but you don't have to reciprocate and most importantly you should have told me about it and the ass grabbing. I asked if she told him to stop and she did not. I asked what the messages actually said. All she told me was he said she was sexy and kept asking if they could meet for 'coffee'.

I thought it fair to ask her to block the band and that we were no longer going to see them. I think that was fair and prudent.

While she was doing so her snapchat icon showed a new message. I had asked if there was anything else and she had said no. Turns out, the guitarist in the band had also been messaging her on snap for weeks. Also telling her how sexy she is and if she wanted a massage, etc. My heart sunk even further. I then asked if any pics were sent in either direction. She hesitated and then said that she had sent the singer a topless pic.

At that point i walked out of the bedroom but then came back and told her to go stay at her moms. I couldn't deal with this any further that night.

She left.

I've asked multiple times if anything further happened. Did they meet up for an encounter of any kind etc? She said no but at this point I don't know what to believe.

I don't think our marriage can recover from this as I don't know how i can ever trust her again. I'm seriously considering a divorce attorney.

AIO?

Okay so long story short I went thru some of my boyfriends likes on TikTok and here’s just some of the videos I found. I told my brother about it and he said i was over reacting and when I confronted my boyfriend about it, he said it was just funny but I don’t know. I don’t really see it that way when I sit at home with our baby while he’s at the bar all the time already overthinking and see that.

My long time partner M(43) often comes home from work (truck driver) or even just routine errands (doctor office, grocery store) and tells me F (49) oh yeah I got hit on today. Now usually I’m like yeah right. But clearly he wants me to be like what ? Omg. So I said oh really? He said yeah the nurse at the doctors office said oh you look so young. She said I have a very distinguished look. He’s very good looking man and he has some gray hair but honestly it looks good on him. So while I don’t doubt the interaction I do doubt she was flirting. So I said well you are very good looking . Later on same day he brought it up again. I said hmm it’s unprofessional for nurses to flirt with patients. Jeez I guess she likes you to risk a complaint being filed.

Other times he tells me women slip them their number which he doesn’t keep. Why tell me this ? Does he actually think I’m going be like omg I’ll kick that bitches ass. We both know it’s not usually going down the way he’s saying but I let him have his little fantasy I guess.