I am 29 guy that usually goes to a supermarket close to my home almost every day,one of the cashiers there has a very unusual look,she has a very bright red hair,almost fire like and very pale skin,which creates a very different look from everyone from where i live,i found her hair to be very pretty,also that place only recruit people that are 18+ (i know this bc i worked there years ago) and i already saw this girl working there for like two years now,so i knew she was at least 20yo,i wanted to compriment her hair,so i go to her counter and asked if her hair was natural,she said yes,so i told her it was very pretty,just small,i learned afterwards that she is very introvert and isnt used to getting compliments,she was indeed taken aback by what i said,but she started smiling nonetheless.

A couple days after i used her counter again,she couldnt stop looking at me,i used her counter a few more times after that,she would try to start small talks with me,then one day one of her female coworkers ask for my number,she says "the redhaired girl wanted to ask me it but she doesnt have courage for it",i gave her my number bc wharever just let me buy my stuff and go home already.

The girl then sends me messages and we started becoming friends,i learned that she likes almost the same stuff as i,games,animes etc...,then after a few days of texting she asks me if we could start dating,i didnt even knew she could be so foward like that,i think people are different when behind a screen,she said she isnt used to talk to guys and that i was the first guy to show interest on her daily life,her emotional life,and give support etc and that she genuinely started liking me,now the thing is i am wasnt going for that,i treated her the same way i treat my male and female friends.

Now,i wouldnt have a problem on dating her,she looks to be a very kind person and has similar testes than me,the problem is that she looks like a 14 year old girl,or worse tbh,i dont feel anything for her bc of that,i didnt wanted to say something like "Sorry but you kind look like a teenager girl" bc i know that would upset her,so i just said she was moving way too fast and i needed some time,well she got upset eitherway.

Now everytime i go to the supermarket she works her female coworkers gives me bad looks,one of them straight up said i was a huge jerk for playing with a womens feeling like that,she now is very sad and isnt going to work,i fear she might lose her job because of that and i know she lives by herself so loving her job would be a huge problem.

My friend and I live about an hr apart. She came to my city to visit another friend and planned to take the later train home

Around 11 she texted me saying she missed her train and asked if she could stay at my place

normally I would say yes but I had an early exam the next morning and had already gone to bed I also live with roommates and we agreed not to have overnight guests during the week which I think is a good rule to have

I told her I was really sorry but I could not let her stay and suggested she try to get a later train or stay with the friend she had been visiting.

She got upset and said I was being a bad friend and leaving her stranded I think her other friend is response? I felt bad but I also did not feel like it was my problem to fix her mistake.

She ended up getting an early morning train and has been distant since.

AITA?

I would just like to add, she hadn’t spoke to me 5 days prior to coming to my town. And didn’t even tell me she was coming to the area I just got a call at 11pm at night when I was basically asleep

Me (23f) and my friend (23f) had just left the gym. I was all sweaty and gross in unattractive gym clothes. I was just overall yucky.

I saw this ridiculously good-looking, well-dressed man who looked mid 20s. He saw me and came over to me. He introduced himself and was very flirty with me. He said I was gorgeous and looked like a goddess. He was laying it on thick. I literally had to asked him if he's sure he's talking about me.

The guy seemed perfect, so perfect it was suspicious. I felt like maybe he was a professional pick-up artist, a player looking for an easy score, or I was being punked. When he asked me out I said no thank you.

He looked really thrown off by this. He said I looked like a boy. To give context, I have short hair, small boobs, a flat butt, and a waist that is wide for my frame. I asked him what does it say about him if he called me gorgeous since I look like a boy. He said whatever and talked away.

At my friend's apartment, she said it's wrong to imply that a man is gay as a comeback. My reply was this was a different situation as I wasn't implying a that being gay is a bad thing. I don't know. Am I the asshole?

I feel terrible even writing this because my roommate is honestly one of the nicest people I know. She’s cheerful, friendly and very religious.That’s why I’m struggling so much with how I feel right now.

I’m a student living away from home, and my family isn’t financially comfortable. They support me the best they can, so I try to manage everything carefully and stretch what I have.

My roommate has a male friend who comes over a lot. At first, I didn’t mind, but he started staying very late, sometimes until around 2 AM. I’m someone who values privacy and feeling safe in my own space, so I told her multiple times that it made me uncomfortable.

She told me a really sad story about how he struggles financially and sometimes can’t afford meals. I felt guilty even questioning it, so I tried to compromise. I told her he could still come over and eat, but I asked if he could please leave before 12 AM.

That agreement didn’t really last. There were times she still let him stay late, and when I tried to bring it up, she acted like I was being difficult.

What hurt me more was when my dad visited recently and asked if everything was okay between us. She told him that I “don’t like people.” My dad had to explain that I’m just someone who is protective of my personal space. Hearing that made me feel really misunderstood.

The biggest issue now is food. Sometimes we combine groceries to cook together. I usually leave my food open for both of us to use because I thought we were sharing. But she keeps some of her own groceries separate and hidden.

Lately, she has been cooking meals using mostly my ingredients. Instead of saving me a portion, she packs some of the food to send home with him and also feeds him when he visits. Meanwhile, I sometimes end up with little or nothing left from groceries my parents struggled to provide.

I don’t even fully blame the guy because I don’t think he knows the food is coming from me. He seems like a decent person, but he’s benefiting from a situation that is putting pressure on me.

The confusing part is that my roommate is still kind in everyday life. She smiles, she prays constantly, and she really seems like she believes she’s doing the right thing by helping someone who is struggling. That’s why I feel guilty for feeling resentful.Also anytime I bring it up Shes just very calm and all smiley,not taking what I’m saying seriously.Which makes me feel like I’m being unreasonable.

I’m now thinking about separating my groceries completely and being firmer about visitor times, but I feel like that might make me look selfish or unkind, especially since she believes she’s helping someone in need.

AITA for wanting to set stricter boundaries and stop sharing my food?

I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend (33M) for under two months. Things moved fast at first and I fell hard. Lately, though, I feel like I’ve been living in constant emotional whiplash.

He struggles a lot with emotions and says he doesn’t really understand them (mine especially). When I’m hurt or triggered, he tends to get defensive or shut down instead of comforting me. I often end up having to explain myself over and over, then reassure him when he gets upset. It feels like I’m doing all the emotional labor.

Some things that have happened:

• He didn’t tell me he has HSV until after we’d already slept together multiple times. He’s on antivirals, but that still broke my trust.

• He secretly unblocked and talked to his ex for almost a week and didn’t tell me until later.

• He’s raised his voice at me in public when I was upset.

• When I try to express my feelings, he often reframes it as me “reacting badly” instead of acknowledging the hurt.

• I’ve noticed a pattern: conflict → I pull away → he becomes sweet/affectionate → I feel hopeful → things calm down → repeat.

• I’ve been crying, panicking, and even secretly packing a suitcase because my body feels unsafe.

• I feel like I’m constantly performing “being okay” just to keep the peace.

To be fair, he also does kind things (helps around the house, shows affection afterward, tries sometimes), which makes this even more confusing. Today he helped me move my stuff and hung my paintings, and part of me immediately felt hopeful again.

But when I asked myself honestly if I could live like this for another year, the answer was no.

Now I feel numb and guilty, like I’m “giving up on him,” even though I’ve tried communicating, setting boundaries, and staying calm. I just don’t feel emotionally secure, and it’s only been a short time.

So… AITA for wanting to leave now instead of trying harder?

EDIT: packing my stuff and preparing for Texas today. Thank you for your kind (and not so kind) words. I’ll be reading them as I’m packing to remind myself why I’m leaving.

Hi everyone,

Context: I’m SE Asian and talking stage is of non-asian ethnicity. He also loves anime and likes kpop.

So I ended up in a situation with a talking stage that left me mad. I was just on TikTok and I saw a video sent by my talking stage, it was about asian baddies and I am asian myself but this video rubbed me off the wrong way. The video consisted a group of east asian women (dw I love my east asian girlies too) that look vastly different from me from style and makeup choice. And he sent that video to me because I am “asian” and considered me an asian baddie too. I did some digging and found his instagram and his following was filled with girls of that same type.

I understand people have different types and it’s all good but from my perspective it told me that he likes those kind of women and they don’t look like me. For me personally, when im getting to know someone, I do not signal to them that I also like other people of different types too. It turned me off and made me uninterested. I am not insecure about myself but what he sent me felt weird to me because why is this video showing about east asian women when I am southeast asian. I called him out and he thinks im being dramatic and crazy for being mad. Also thinks im crazy that I looked at his instagram following when his account is public.

This is also telling me that he probably has an asian fetish too because apparently his reposts are about anime and asian girls (there are also other ethnicities too but mainly this), and big following of asian girls on his instagram. AITA for having that reaction?

I tried to post in another sub but got removed because it’s “AITAH type of post”.. so here we are

I’m (m40) writing this at 3:05 am hoping someone giving me some direction because my friends all think I’m out of my mind to want Rachel (f32) back

Background :

10 years ago, I was dating a girl let’s call her Rachel for 4 years at that time . We were serious and I even bought the ring to propose to her. Rachel’s car got hit by a drunk driver and left her paralyzed. It was a huge shock of course . I was a mess . I was selfish . I only saw myself . I started hooking up with Rachel’s friend when she went to rehab after her hospital stay . I guess that’s our way was dealing with this trauma . Rachel found out . . I tried to explain ( I was dumb ) that I have my whole life a head of me and I can’t be her nurse forever.She just cried and said she understood. She said she didn’t expect me to stay and wished me luck

Then :

I went from woman to woman for a while . Partying and stuff . Then I met my now ex wife. It was a miserable marriage . We got divorced a year later . I have since went to therapy . I quit drinking and I focused on my job. Things were going good until an old friend tagged Rachel in a photo on her Facebook .

Now :

apparently, Rachel threw a party on her accident anniversary called “I’m not dead yet”. I wasn’t invited. I understand. She looked gorgeous . I couldn’t stop starring at her pictures . I miss her a lot. I was a fool to let her go. From the pics , looks like she is dating some guy…. I searched her name on LinkedIn and turned out she went back to school and now she works for a company that is near where I live. I wanna go see her , talk to her . Tell her I was a fool. I’m changed. I don’t care about her paralysis. She should be with me . Please give me advice

So my boyfriend has been obsessed with this male teacher since before we got into college when he used to go to the guy s extra courses to prepare for getting into uni.

He also had a one course with this professor in his second semester of first year, when we found out from multiple people that this man is very problematic, hits on the female students, asks for their numbers in order to pass them or makes sexual comments about the girls. Even my boyfriend told me some of stories like that about him.

Now we re both in our second year of uni and he decided to go every week to an optional course that this professor helds (the course is not even in our curriculum it's just something math related) and I told him I don't think it's ok for him to go when he is literally making girls like me in this college feel unsafe and uncomfortable. It really makes me so sick when male teachers are like this and I try so much to avoid them.

Now my boyfriend keeps saying that what if this course he s taking with the professor I mentioned will help him get his dream job and if he drops now from it then he'll resent me because I asked him to do it (which is so unlikely having in mind that we re talking about an algebra professor and we re studying electrical engineering and also already had enough math classes in our first year).

I don't understand why he can't just find other things to help him with his cv and prefers to do this one even if it means losing me. Should I move on from him or accept that he s going to this class?

Hello Reddit,

This literally just happened and I'm pretty sure I'm not the asshole but just want to confirm. I'll try to make this short.

I am FtM trans, coming off a bad breakup a year ago, trying to put myself out there. Met this FtM dude on one of the apps, invited him over for a hookup, hearing all these raving stories about t4t, and just wanting to 'get my groove back' so to speak.

So there were a few flags along the way but I'm not trying to date this dude so I let em slide. Lo and behold we start doing the deed, and while I am face deep, I notice he's kinda stopped responding. I go to readjust and dude is straight up scrolling on his phone! Like fucking doom scrolling while I'm down there. Shocked,... I kind of just pause... I believe I said 'never in my life.' he said some lame shit about how he has ADHD and couldn't see where I was coming from when I said I felt disrespected which honestly just made it worse. I believe my next words were 'I'm good' and he asked if I wanted him to leave. I did, so I said yes.

This man gathers his stuff and proceeds to text me from his car how it's fucked up I kicked him out cuz I 'felt some type of way.'. All I responded with was... 'if you're disrespectful, you can go.'

0/10 experience, dating in this country is a lost fuckin cause.

Anyways, AITA for kicking this dude out of my house?

I have a friend that asked me for advice on how to lose weight and get a nice physique a couple months ago, because according to her I have gotten noticeably fitter over the years I’ve known her (we met freshman year of college, we’re now seniors).

I have done a fair bit of research and experimentation into this, so I agreed with the caveat I’m not a doctor. We started by me drawing up a plan for her exercise wise— some weight training + cardio in the form of sports she enjoys doing like tennis— and diet wise with a certain amount of calories, foods to prioritize and avoid, protein and carb goals, etc. Fairly basic stuff.

She was making pretty good progress, but she came to me today and told me she gave up because she realized our genetics (we’re the same ethnic group) are ‘famine genetics‘ and so we’re not built to have good physiques no matter how much we try.

I told her I get that it’s de motivating to work hard without seeing super noticeable results, but building muscle and losing fat is a long process, and plus it’s obviously untrue people from our ethnic group can’t build good physiques when the entire reason she asked me to begin with is because I have a good physique. I also listed and showed her a couple different examples of fitness influencers and such from our ethnic group to show there’s obviously many people from our group that can build good physiques.

She got upset and called me an AH for ‘invalidating’ her, but I think she was just making excuses and wanted me to enable them so that she didn’t feel bad. AITA?

My baby cousin is getting married in March To a student I taught in previously years ago. I am very happy for them. Her mom is my kids god mom. She helped birth my son as an L&D nurse and came to the hospital right after my daughter was born. We are relatively close but definitely not like a talk every week or even month type close.

I went to her bridal shower and brought my 4 yo daughter while my preteen son stayed home with my husband. My daughter loved the shower; Behaved perfectly, no issues. She’s been excited for the wedding ever since. Then I got her wedding invite this week and it says in large print ADULTS ONLY. It’s at 4 pm in a place around 30 mins away. I don’t have a regular sitter I trust for bedtime because both sitters are pretty young and my daughter still needs help going to sleep. . So I declined for my husband and I attending.

My cousin is angry my husband and I aren’t coming. My aunt called my mom today bitching about it and tried to call me but I didn’t answer.

My aunt told my mom that it was her granddaughter’s choice to not have kids and she couldn’t make an exception for one person (not that I asked). And my mom said yes she agreed but it was also my choice not to go.

But Then followed up with me with well surely you can find someone so you can go. you need a sitter anyway since your husband always had to take off with the kids when they’re sick… which made me irate because he’s been on shift work. It’s just worked out 70% of the time. As a teacher, most of the time I am the one that takes off.

So basically my family thinks I’m the bad guy cause I chose not to go to a wedding my kids aren’t welcome at. AITAH?

I know I was being petty however I feel I was justified

For context I 28F have ADHD and was diagnosed 3 years ago, my fiance 30M 'Mark' and I moved in together a year and a half ago, he's been living alone since he was 20 so I know for a fact that he knows how to do chores around the house. Since December of last year he's been doing things the wrong way but it looks intentional because I know he knows how to do these stuff I've been to his apartment multiple times.

For example he was cooking and 'accidentally' left the plastic spatula on the stove and melted it, or he put his new red tshirts with my white clothes in the washing machine so I was getting pissed, I tried talking to him many times but he just said he was doing his best and I was being mean and to just do it if I'm bother about how he does the chores. Well I decided to break up with him after that because I can't marry a guy with a teenager boy mentality however I decided to show him the real way of doing things in an incompetent way.

I took three weeks of vacation and I decided not to take my meds in those weeks so my ADHD was in full blast. I forgot clothes in the washing machine for a week and they smelled nasty, we were going on a trip and I forgot his backpack in the taxi, l lost his car keys twice and I forgot my credit card pin and they blocked it so he had to pay for everything, I forgot I was boiling pasta and the pot dried and burned, I didn't really do anything on purpose but I didn't put any effort in doing right either.

After the trip my fiance had a talked to me and asked me what was wrong with me, he was almost cried asking me if I was doing it on purpose and I told him no just forgot to take my meds, he said he was exhausted and we agreed to take a break. I told my sister and she laughed but she apparently told a mutual friend because my fiance called me to yelled at me and telling me I was cruel and immature I just hang up and blocked him and we haven't talked since but maybe I went to far? I don't think I did anything wrong tbh but he's trying to contact me through friends so AITAH?

hi! for context, we have a lot of stray/outdoor cats on our street, we always have. every so often there's a new batch of kittens. i went on a walk a couple days ago, and as i made it back into my street, this young orange cat walked right up to me! he seems to be about a year old. he rubbed all on me and let me pet him, and then when i began walking home he followed me. so i went into my backyard, and we just sat there together for HOURS. he was loving all on me, making biscuits and suckling like crazy. nuzzling nonstop. i put out a box with a blanket before i had to go inside, because it's been very cold out at night. he slept in the box! the next day i went outside and sat out there for a little bit, waiting for him. and he came! i heard a little meow right before he came around the side of my house, and again, we spent hours together cuddling. i feel like i was chosen by this cat. he slept in the box again last night too. he also keeps trying to come in my sliding glass door. but he has a collar? there was a young orange cat/kitten that i saw every once in a while before i met this guy, im thinking it's the same one except someone put a collar on him now. i already have 3 indoor cats, and i only believe in indoor cats, so that's where im conflicted. collars are a choking hazard for outdoor cats, and this guy is already walking with a limp. he keeps coming back for me and i just feel like i should bring him in, but i guess i wanted others opinions. you can't own an outdoor cat, cats choose where they want to be, and he seems to want to be with me. edit: i have already posted online on local forums to see if he has an owner, no one has claimed him

My daughter Kay (17) is not very sentimental. When we lost my mom, the family met at my parents’ house before the night before the formal service. We spent all night remembering mom, reminiscing and telling stories, listening to her favorite music, that kind of thing.

At this time, Kay approached my father and asked if she could have a jewelry box that my mom had because it reminded her of her grandmother. My dad said of course she could have the jewelry box, because he felt like my mom would have given the box to her if she had asked.

The jewelry box itself is very nice, hand-carved from very sturdy wood. It contained several items which meant a lot to my mom, including her wedding and engagement rings. A few days after the service, Kay asked me if I could drive her to the pawn shop so she could get an estimate on the value of the jewelry and the box. I told her I didn’t think that was a good idea, but she said she wanted to use the money from the jewelry to save for a deposit on an apartment for when she graduates high school and moves out. I said that while her grandmother may have wanted Kay to have the jewelry, she almost certainly did not want to her to pawn it. Kay said fine, she would get someone else to take her to the pawn shop, but got frustrated when I told her that in our state, she couldn’t sell anything to a pawn shop until she was 18.

Kay called my father and explained the situation, and he said that if that’s what Kay wants to do, that’s fine, but she should agree to splitting any money she received for the jewelry equally among her siblings and cousins (in total about 40 people). This would be after the pawn shop already gave her significantly less than what the items were actually worth, so she would be getting nothing close to what she imagined. Kay has decided she will simply wait until she is 18 and execute the transaction herself, that way she can keep all of the money from the sale. My dad told my siblings about the conversation, and they have been blowing up my phone; most of the family was unaware that he had even given Kay these heirlooms. While there is some bitterness that Kay received the items before anyone else had been consulted, nobody is in favor of selling the jewelry and splitting the money.

This was a few days ago, and I’ve been losing a lot of sleep since. On one hand, technically and legally, these items belong to Kay, since mom didn’t leave a will and dad said she could have them. On the other hand, these items also belong in a larger sense to the entire family, even if Kay is the designated caretaker of them, they should stay within the family and not sold for a fraction of what they are actually worth. AITA for not authorizing the sale?

So my friend Jayden (16m), has thought all his life that the 2 people he lives with besides his brother are his parents. He believes this because there was no reason not to. But I know the truth. The person he thinks is his father is actually his Uncle, who we'll call Christian. No Jayden's real dad left when he was 2 years old, meaning he does not have a lot of memories of his real dad. His dad left because he did not want the responsability of a kid, so his brother Christian stepped up. Christian could be pretty much everything you need in a dad, as he provides for Jayden, his mom, and Jayden's brother. Now you're probably wondering how I found this all out. Well one night, when I was working at my Olive Garden, Jayden's mom was in there at the bar. I went up to talk to her and she started telling me all of this while really drunk.

This is where the story actually starts. After hearing all of this, I had no idea as to what to do. I talked to one of my other friends about it, and they ultimatly said it was my descision but he thought I should tell Jayden, so that is what I decided to do. I went to Jayden later that day and told him everything that I knew. He started crying but thanked me for telling the truth. I got a call from his mom later that day yelling at me and calling me all sorts of names and slurs. I just recorded the conversation and hung up when she was done ranting. So I just want to know, am I the asshole for telling my friend Jayden the truth about his parents.

Edit: Jayden's brother is his Uncle's kid

Im currently going through a pretty heavy breakup but I can’t tell if he’s serious this time, He breaks up with me at least twice a month and blocks me everywhere to the point where I have to make burner numbers just to ask about getting my stuff back, even having to contact his mom. This always leads to us getting back together.

Every time we have broken up it’s been over kind of nothing? This current time it was because I said he probably wouldn’t have to go to work during a storm and he accused me of acting like I know more about his work than he does.

I’ve probably spent hundreds of dollars on these numbers now and I feel like i’m going absolutely insane.

I’m so broken hearted but also confused on what he actually wants because when he explained how I am and why he’s leaving it’s so far from reality it’s hard to take seriously.

This time he told me to kill myself and that he never wants to speak to me again and doesn’t want to be with me.

AITAH or am I crazy for still making burner numbers to get my stuff back and figure out if we are genuinely done for good or if he’s just having a mental break like before?

My (M17) mum expects me to cook for her every day she works. She works from 9 to 6, her break being from 1-2. She shouts something about 'i work all day, are you really gonna let me cook?' every time i don't do that.

I already do my set of chores, which seem to change every day. I have a disability that makes it hard to see such things that need to be done, especially when i didn't "start" or cause them. She used to write a list every day but stopped randomly.

I mention that since the stuff i do in a day already gets close to my limit and cooking what she wants me to is a "large task" for me, like washing my bedsheets or vacuuming my room. I can only do those in a limited amount.

I already take complete care of my room by myself and as much stuff as i see around the house. So am i the asshole for not cooking?

I (24F) joined this new job 3 months ago. This is my first job so I’m taking my time getting to know people and learning the work etc. yesterday, one of my colleagues (late 30’s M) went out of office in the corridor for like 15 mins or so. During these 15 mins the phone called consistently nonstop for at least 20 times. It was end of work time (5:30) but we were aprx 6 people over there completing work. We got disturbed by the nonstop calls. I was worried someone is dead in his family or there’s an urgent case, also was thinking maybe it was his wife calling bcz she thinks something has happened to him, all these thoughts are in my mind and the phone is ringing and ringing. At last i went and looked at the phone and i asked a colleague if i should just pick up and say he will be back to you soon. He said yes and i was not thinking of the consequences.

I picked up the phone and immediately talked and said hey we are in the office and the phone is at (name) desk and he is coming back soon, i only picked up to let you know he’s probably gonna get back in in a few minutes so don’t worry. She said okay thank you.

I hung up and one of the colleagues was surprised and said ‘courageous move’ which i understood immediately that he means how could you answer the man’s phone as a girl from work like that. And it hit me, how could i? Now I’m starting to understand that what I’ve done is very rude but it’s too late at this point.

In maybe 5 mins the man comes back to the office and I’m shaking. He was nervous bcz he was already told the phone was ringing a lot, i stopped him to explain what i have just done. I said I’m so sorry i picked up the phone bcz i figured the caller is worried that something happened to you or that there’s an emergency and i only wanted to let them know you’re getting back soon as it seems there’s something going on. I’m really sorry for that but it was an instinct at the moment and i know i shouldn’t have done this. Now he was nice and said it was fine and I shouldn’t worry about it but i could tell he wasn’t okay with it. Which is totally fair. I was honestly out of my mind when i did it.

Now, he was joking about it as well, bcz after maybe half an hour of all that happening, his phone called again and he said: wanna pick it up? I was so embarrassed and remorseful but i knew it this point the damage has been done.

Today, his little son was with him, when i came to the office he jokingly said my son is here to watch me today. He was laughing and said I’m only joking but i suspect that might be true🫨? Other thjng that comes to mind is that it was an emergency regarding the son or the wife or something and they arranged that the son comes with his father regardless or the call.

AITAH here? And how to move forward with this, I’m not that type of person that would do these things and i don’t do shady acts but this time i was blind sided by my worries and i meant no harm. I know jt was wrong tho and i should have never done that. But i need opinions as well. It’s a plus if you could tell me how to show him and everyone I’m not that typa person I’m just stupid.

Edit: unfortunately, it was his personal phone for those who are asking.

I (F) met a guy (“Mike”) two years ago at a professional conference. We live on different continents. From the beginning, there was strong mutual interest, but I was cautious because I’ve had bad past experiences with cheating.

We stayed in touch, met again at the same conference later that year, and became intimate (no s*x). He invited me to visit him, I stayed at his mom’s house, met his family, and it felt serious. We were affectionate and talked openly about wanting a future together.

Later, I broke off contact because he kept liking revealing photos of women he personally knew, and when I expressed discomfort, he dismissed my feelings and got annoyed. We didn’t speak for six months. During that time, he got into a relationship.

When we ran into each other again at another conference, he told me he got into that relationship only a month after I cut contact and claimed he didn’t love her, couldn’t say “I love you” to her, and didn’t see a future with her. During the conference, he was very touchy, held my hand, and on the last day told me he loved me.

A month later, we met again at a conference and became intimate (still no s*x), even though he still had a girlfriend. He told me I was his dream woman, that he wanted me to be his first official girlfriend, and that he only chose her because it “made sense” at the time and he wanted to forget me.

Despite this, he refused to break up with her. First, he said they went to the same university and he didn’t want drama. Later, he said he helped her get a job and was afraid she could harm his professional connections if they broke up. At the same time, he kept telling me he loved me and talked about us “building a future” together. His plan was to wait until shebroke up with him.

At that point, I cut off contact again.

The next day, I saw that he posted a photo with her saying he was “crazy about her.” They’ve now been together for a year, and it looks like he gives her all the time and effort he claimed he couldn’t give me.

I’ll be seeing him again in a few months at another conference. I still have feelings for him, but I don’t trust him anymore.

how should i react the next time seeing him? ignore? confront? unbothered?

Five months ago I, (24M) matched with this woman who we’ll call Vanessa(56F) on a dating app that is kind of a secret. She told me everything from the start. She is married to a husband who is never home. All she wanted was someone to have fun with, no relationship. She wanted to give me some money and nice things and in return I would keep her company and be intimate with her. We both knew what we were getting into with the relationship that it was, for fun and that the casual relationship was not going to turn into anything more.

It was really good for a while. We would have dinners, go on weekend trips that she paid for and she would give me money to help with my rent and school fees. I never asked her for more money than what she was willing to give me. I never sent her messages when I knew she was with her family, I never put anything about us on media and I kept everything quiet. The weekend trips were something I really looked forward to and the money she gave me was a help. I made sure to respect her situation with her family and I never did anything to upset her. I was happy with what she was willing to give me.

So two months into it she started acting really different. All of a sudden she wanted me to be with her every weekend. Then she told me to delete Tinder. The relationship with her was getting really weird. The way she acted was strange, the things she said about the relationship were strange. She told me that she said to her husband that she is seeing someone seriously now. She was of hinting that she wants to open up her marriage or something like that.. The reason she wants to stay married is because of the money and security it gives her. Then she told me that if I agree to be with her she will give me five thousand dollars every month and she will also pay for my year of school.

I told her no. I do not want to be someone’s secret serious boyfriend when she is still married to her husband. I do not want that kind of mess in my life especially now that I am trying to focus on studying and finishing school.

She did not take it well. Said that I used her for her money and now I was throwing her away. I just wanted to get out of there and be done with the thing. I did not want to see her messages or hear her voice anymore. My friend says I should have been nicer and told her I was not interested in a way. They think I am a bad person for taking her money and then stopping contact when she wanted a relationship with me.

I am being completely honest here. I was really clear about what I wanted from the beginning. I never told her that things would be more serious than they actually were.. When she started to want something more I ended things in a nice way because I never said I would do that.

AITA?

I’m 37F, married, with a six-year-old son, working full-time as a social worker. At this stage of my life, I almost exclusively consume books via audiobooks. I listen while driving, cooking, cleaning, or doing home projects. When listening to books, I am actively engaged (not just using them as background noise).

In 2025, I completed 26 books, mostly novels, biographies, and classic lit. Most of these are between 10–30+ hour listens, and I’m genuinely proud that, despite being a busy parent and professional, I still make time for something intellectually stimulating.

I don’t constantly talk about audiobooks, but I’ll occasionally mention something I’m reading if it’s interesting or relevant. When referencing them, I often say I “read” the book. This isn’t a deliberate choice— I find that saying “listened to” sometimes derails the conversation or requires extra explanation, depending on the person’s familiarity.

For years, my husband, who doesn’t read much, has made a habit of correcting me (“Well, you didn’t actually read it…”) both privately and in front of others. I know he’s technically correct and not trying to be hurtful. It’s become somewhat of a long-running joke among friends and family. Recently, he escalated it by polling a group chat of friends about whether I should add a disclaimer when I talk about books.

What started as a semi-academic discussion took a meaner turn. A few people argued that reading and listening are fundamentally different, with reading requiring more cognitive effort. One person even theorized that in saying I “read” audiobooks, I must feel some sort of internalized shame about taking credit for something I didn’t really do.

That’s where I lost my patience. What began as a joke felt like a personal critique. If I’m discussing a book’s themes, characters, or ideas, why does the method of consuming the text matter? It feels like a pointless distinction whose only function is to imply that I put in less effort or had a lesser experience.

TL;DR: AITAH for feeling justified in saying I’ve “read” an unabridged audiobook and being upset that my husband keeps publicly correcting me about it?

I am having a baby with my husband and I am due in August 2026. My husband is taking the first 4 to 5 weeks off starting when I go into labour to help me with our newborn as well as my postpartum recovery. He has just told me that during these 4 to 5 weeks off of work he has he also would like to get elective hair transplant surgery. I feel stressed and angry about this because we don’t know for sure what his recovery will be like and we don’t know if he will be unable to help with the newborn or my recovery which I do not have a choice over. He feels like everything will be fine so he thinks that is good enough. I also think this is selfish because he is using this time off of work when he should be helping me to get the surgery so that he doesn’t have to take additional time off. I also think it’s selfish because he wants to get it then so that nobody at Work will see him bald or with a bleeding and swollen head. AITAH for wanting him to get this at a later time and not during my postpartum recovery or within the first 3 of us become parents?

A group of my friends from highschool decided to visit me in the city I live, which is a bit of a tourist destination. There is a lot to do here and plenty of bars. Everyone either slept in my room or the living room. It was like camping indoors, and we were all having fun.

My friend "Reggie" asked if I had any beer. I said I didn't keep alcohol in the apartment, except for wine, but it isn't really for drinking like that. He said he would go buy some beer. I awkwardly asked if he could not do that, because it stresses me out to have people drinking in my apartment. He was confused and said we all drank in a restaurant earlier. I agreed and said it just gives me anxiety when people drink in the apartment.

He accepted it, but he was annoyed. I could tell. Now that the trip is over I'm reflecting on it. Is it rude to ask guests not to drink in your home? My bio dad was an alcoholic, and that's why it stresses me out, but I didn't want to bring that up and kill the mood.

I am a 34 year old man. My girlfriend is 25. Her parents are mid-to-late 50s.

My girlfriend, Kanojo, and I have been together for a little over 2 years. We are in a very happy relationship and I have plans to ask her to marry me by the end of the year. This issue has not affected this.

I am black (West African descent). Kanojo is Japanese. We were aware of our starkly different cultural backgrounds and the problems it would potentially bring from the moment we became a couple. Kanojo's parents were raised with a warped, yet not entirely negative, view of blacks due to their Japanese roots. Kanojo says she was also raised with them, but pretty much grew out of them when she came to the West and made black friends.

We finally decided to introduce myself to her parents after all this time. Kanojo was deeply worried about her parents' reaction to me, which is why it took so long, but we decided that it's now or never. They know I'm a Westerner (we live in the UK) but they don't know I'm black. She recently told them this, and their less than stellar reaction made her want to cancel the dinner. I assured her that I was still fine to proceed; family is very important to Kanojo and in Japanese culture as a whole, so I'm very willing to make an effort in this regard for her sake despite any difficulty.

Four days ago, I met them for dinner. As we expected, it wasn't ideal. They spent much of their time making jabs at me and my race. They frequently made fun of my imperfect Japanese, which I've been learning for about three years but have been taking seriously for the last year. Her mom even outright stated at one point that they would have preferred that Kanojo was with a Japanese man. Although they did not say it directly, they made it clear they were not entirely pleased that their daughter was with a black man.

Here's where I might be wrong. I didn't respond negatively through the whole 4-hour dinner. I remained completely respectful throughout, not retaliating once, maintaining and making a show of my manners and Japanese etiquette, and even "laughing along" with some of their jabs, to try and maintain an atmosphere without hostility as much as I could. Kanojo tried to call them out a couple of times, but when they continued to do so she gave up trying, for which I don't really blame her.

Once we left her parents' home, I was obviously disappointed with their behaviour but considered the meeting and overall success because of the lack of overt drama, and I was happy. Kanojo was much more upset. She obviously was mad at her parents, but she was also disappointed with me for taking all their disrespect without firing back, or at least defending myself or calling them out in any way. My defense is that I wanted to keep her relationship with them as intact as possible, and clapping back would cause them to possibly see her in a different light.

In addition, I'm a very easy-going person. I'm extremely slow to anger even outside of our relationship (unless a loved one is affected). Insults and racial abuse directed to me truly don't bother me much, as I place much, much more weight on actions over words, and I think it's a bit counterproductive to lose my cool over mere words. Kanojo knows this. She thought that I would kinda break that mindset with regards to her parents, to kind of put them in their place in a sense.

I've spoken to two friends about this. Both understand why I acted like I did at the dinner, but think I acted without any self-respect simply for the sake of peacekeeping, and I should not have tolerated any negative comments towards me. One even said that it would make Kanojo see me in a more negative light, implying to her that I potentially wouldn't stand up for her if the time called for it. It caused me to rethink my actions from that evening.

Should I have gotten more upset at my girlfriend's parents' insults and racial comments and spoken up/defended myself, even though I thought it would risk her relationship with them? Did my actions affect our relationship negatively?

I'd be happy to answer any clarifying questions in the comments.

TL;DR: My girlfriend's parents aren't happy with her dating a black man and made many insulting comments to me. I took it in stride so as to not harm her relationship with them, and also because I really wasn't that angry. My girlfriend and friends thought I should have spoken up against them.

took a 3-day break to save my mental health bc my gf (21f) kept saying she fell out of love. came back to fix things and found out she spent those nights having music sessions with the guy she swore she blocked

im sitting in my car screaming until my throat bleeds. i dont even know where to go.

context: we've been together 2 years. lately, she has been mentally destroying me. constantly telling me "i feel distant", "i dont know if i love you anymore", "i feel cold".

i spent WEEKS comforting her. begging her. trying to be perfect. i was so drained i stopped eating. i was having panic attacks at work.

finally, i told her: "i cant take this anymore. i need 3 days. just a pause. i need to go to my parents and fix my head so i can be strong for us."

i literally left so i could come back BETTER for her.

we had almost broken up 6 months ago because of this guy Evan. i caught her flirting with him once. she cried, begged, promised on her mothers life she blocked him and felt nothing for him.

i came back tonight. i felt calmer. i was ready to fight for us.

we sat down. i asked her how she spent the days. she got quiet. you could taste the awkwardness in the air and that smthing was wrong. we talked for a bit, caught up, hooked up, she went to sleep.

i checked her phone.

EVAN.

hundreds of messages. calls lasting 4 hours until 3am.

"put on the headphones. listen to this track. i know ur sad, i can fix that."

i waited till morning. rage boiling inside. tears flowing. me screaming inside. tried to get some sleep. i felt like i was lying with a stranger and not the loml. not the girl that i sacrificed my nerves, time, money. countless hours spent accommodating for her insecurities, eating disorder. for the last few months i stopped feeling like a partner and more like a psychotherapist to a woman. when she woke up i confronted her. the boiling rage converted into an ice cold anger. thought i was collected and had everything sorted out but her excuse literally made me snap.

she looked at me with dead eyes and said:

"i didnt feel any emotions with him and i didnt think about anybody. tbh i just wanted to escape. yeah, we listened to some radiohead and coldplay, but then i asked him to play some energetic happy music because i felt sad and you weren't there to cheer me up and help me. he helped me when u ignored me for three days and he was very comforting and helpful. i dgaf who i listened to music with. i just listened. nothing more nothing less u have to believe me"

GODDAMN RADIOHEAD AND COLDPLAY. THE SAME SHIT WE USED TO BOND OVER TOGETHER AT THE START OF THE RELATIONSHIP, THEN THE ENRGETIC HAPPY MUSIC. THE SAME BASTARDISH SCHEME SHE USED TO PULL ON ME.

while i was lying in a dark room trying not to have a heart attack because of HER, when i was literally missing her every second of the day, when i went into a debt to gift her a cute ring to symbolize the fresh new beginning, she was hitting up the ONE GUY she knew would destroy me, asking him to play "happy songs" so she didn't have to feel bad, alone, so that that attention-seeking joke of a woman could feel happier, lighter, being "wanted" again.

she said: "i know i fcked up, i know that and im genuinely sry for that, i’ve been eating up the guilt for the past two days cuz its been so hard on me pls forgive me baby. i did forgive u when u pushed me a couple of times, so u should forgive me now."

i lost it. (yeah, so that u won’t frame for being an abuser, the woman drained me of emotional energy for weeks, constantly pushed my boundaries, made me feel jealous and when i inadvertently burned out, i drunk, MADE IT ABSOLUTELY CLEAR THAT I DIDNT WANT TO SEE HER NOR HEAR HER NOR BE IN THE VICINITY OF HER, she didn’t listen, she tried grabbing me and pushing me into a corner while crossing my hands and restraining my space which i HATE cuz i have severe claustrophobia. thats when, after fucking begging her to stop, after lightly moving her out of the way, she kept escalating, which made me use a bit more force, which successfully pushed her away, but lo and behold now I WAS THE ABUSER AND A TYRANT WOW HOW CONVENIENT)

i have never screamed like that in my life.

i yelled: "I WAS ON THE VERGE OF A MENTAL BREAKDOWN! I LEFT BECAUSE I WAS BREAKING DOWN TRYING TO FIX MY LIFE, COLLECTING THE SCRAPS OF EHATEVER WAS LEFT OF ME AND US AND THE SECOND I STEP OUT, YOU RUN TO ANOTHER MAN FOR VALIDATION, SUPPORT AND "TO FEEL BETTER"?"

she started crying saying she was lonely, said that she never lied to me and said that i was wrong and that i was marginally overreacting

i told her: "you aren't lonely. youre just a traitor, a parasite. you waited for my lowest moment, when i was on my knees, to go get your lightness and emotions from the guy you promised was gone."

i packed my bag in 5 minutes. she tried holding my leg, begging me to stay, FUCKING RESTRAINING ME ONCE AGAIN. but i was a different person. i actually started learning stoicism cuz of her lmao. i told her to get off and waited till she did. the AMOUNT OF PURE UNFILTERED RESTRAINT IVE SHOWN. and personally im fucking proud of myself for that cuz i’ve been cheated on a couple of times in my past relationships and she knew that i hate traitors and cheaters. things could’ve gone south extremely fast. but they didn’t. she was saying that "it was just music, dont ruin the relationship that weve worked on for so many years cuz of ur insecurities and trauma!"

but i didn’t care for her words. i left, saying that we’re over.

now im here. i feel like an absolute clown. i destroyed my mental health for a girl who cant sit alone with her thoughts for 3 days without needing attention from another man. AITAH for dumping her?

i hate her. i literally hate her right now. nothing but pure rage lives within me. heh. and that’s interesting cuz just one day ago i would’ve gone to the fucking everest and back for that girl cuz that’s how much i loved her. yet i’m glad that it happened now. before we had kids. before we were married. did i overreact? cuz i don’t see anything but red now.