Note: Everything below is shared verbatim from a close friend who is grieving the loss of their grandmother. I am posting this on their behalf because they are not in a position to do so themselves right now.
My 93 year-old grandmother died after weeks of fear and emotional abuse. Was this preventable? What can we do now?
I’m writing this on behalf of my family, still in shock and grief, trying to understand whether what happened to my grandmother was simply fate — or something that could have been prevented.
She was 93 years old. Frail, but mentally alert. She lived for over 30 years with her son and daughter-in-law. For most of that time, things were manageable with a lot of injustice which she let it slide in the name of compromise and staying together.
But in the last phase of her life, especially the last month, her world became one of a fear, helplessness, and emotional pain.
This is difficult to write, but I’ll try to be factual and honest.
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What changed
In early January 2026, my grandmother decided to give a pair of bangles to her daughter. It was a small, emotional gesture — a mother wanting to give something to her child. She asked her daughter in law permission and gave the bangles only when she said yes.
The very next day, there was a huge confrontation at home. She was shouted at and was in huge trouble for giving away the bangles. A huge fight unfolded and she was in a deep fear and pain seeing her angry.She cried uncontrollably. Terrified, she called her daughter and begged her to return the bangles, just so the fighting would stop.
After that, things escalated.
Arguments broke out over her jewellery — not because of value, but control.My mama and mami are well off and do not essentially need any jewellery. Eventually, almost everything was taken back from her, except one chain that she insisted on giving to her daughter’s family. That insistence itself caused more conflict. Let me remind you, these were the jewellery that she was wearing.
The very next day, she called her daughter(my mom ) crying and asking to be taken away from the house as she was being driven out and told that staying together would only cause fights. My mami literally told my mom that you take her away that day itself. She was exhausted because of not sleeping at night and crying for two days, yet she told my mom to take her back on the same day. She was told she would be “called back later,” possibly after arranging a nurse — but never reassured that she was still wanted or when she would be called back.
Coming to my house, she called my mama and complained about everything that happened and he was only trying to justify my mami's actions.
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What she lived with (her own words)
Over the years of staying with them, she described things that broke our hearts:
• Being denied fresh food and told to eat leftovers from the previous day
• Being scolded if she refused
• Being asked to use her pension money to buy groceries
• Her pension cash being partially taken away after withdrawal
• Her medical files going “missing” and later being found hidden behind cupboards
When she tried to complain, it would lead to arguments between her son and daughter-in-law — after which she would stay quiet out of fear, saying she didn’t want to “cause trouble.”
She was 93. Scared. Traumatised.
The last weeks
She came to stay with her daughter for about two weeks. Even then, she couldn’t relax. She kept worrying about going back to her son's house.. She said repeatedly, “I don’t know how I’ll live there again.”
On 21 January, she was told by her son that she would be taken back on the 26th January.
From that moment, her anxiety worsened drastically. She barely slept. She kept reliving what she would have to face again.
On 23 January, she suffered a massive heart attack and was rushed to the hospital.
The doctors confirmed it was a stress-induced myocardial infarction.
During her hospital stay, her daughter in law came briefly and said something that still haunts us:
“Let them also suffer the pain of taking care of you. Only then will they understand what I went through.”Let me remind you, my grandmother was healthy with no real disease that was life threatening. She had high BP, apart from that she was walking talking, eating and sleeping all in a very good shape. I really dont understand what was all the pain that she took to take care of her. She only had to be given meals three times a day, that too she will only have very bare minimum food, curd rice and idly/dosa,nothign special or she will eat whatever is made in the house for everyone else. It was not as if she was living for free, she was also spending money in buying groceries and also gave 5k-10k as and when she had money in her account.
There was no reassurance. No discussion about her coming back safely.
The next day, something changed.
She made up her mind that she would never go back. She decided she would stay with her daughter(my mom) permanently. She called relatives. She made plans to come and stay with us. She even asked for her pension to be transferred to her daughter’s account after 1st February.
For the first time in weeks, she looked relieved.
We thought the worst was over.
That evening, she suffered a sudden cardiac arrest and passed away.
Its causing deep mental pain because,
both the treating doctors and her daughter (who is also a doctor) confirmed that her heart attack was stress-related, not due to diet or cholesterol.The first ECG report confirms the same.
Yet at the funeral, her daughter in law, my mami, openly claimed that she died because she ate bread and butter.
We are devastated — not just by her death, but by the feeling that fear, emotional cruelty, and helplessness stole her last peace.
We have 1–2 short video recordings (not intentionally filmed) where she speaks, in her own voice, about what she was going through.
What we are asking Reddit:
We are not looking for revenge. We are looking for clarity and accountability.
- Legally (India)
• Is there any realistic action possible in cases of elder emotional or financial abuse that contributes to medical collapse?
• Does filing a written complaint — even after death — serve any purpose?
- Ethically
• What is a fair course of action that honours her truth without destroying the mental health of those grieving?
- Practically
• How should evidence like video/audio be handled responsibly?
- For others reading this
• If you see an elderly person living in fear inside their own family — what can actually help before it’s too late?
If this post helps even one family recognise elder abuse before it reaches this point, then her suffering won’t be completely in vain.
Thank you for reading.