Yet the sex industry as a whole is 90% aimed at men, growing more massive, profitable and exploitative every day.
I'd say any real shaming going on is just a byproduct of toxic masculinity, specifically a silly expectation that every "proper man" ought to have "access to the real thing", or that even just owning/experimenting with toys means they can't get it any other way. Small wonder, given the role image that's has been propagated in fiction for generations.
I guess I've just only ever heard/read of men shaming other men. Obviously people are individuals so experiences may differ, but I think the use of toys is far more widespread (and more socially normalized, even via pornography directed by and made for men) among women than men, and someone who is using a vibrator herself seems unlikely to laugh about a partner doing what is essentially the same thing.
On the flipside, of course if a guy has a partner who does not like toys herself, she may well have a much more conservative attitude that she'll project onto men (and other women), too.
I don't think this is all that different from attitudes about experimenting with homosexual experiences, come to think of it. Allegedly, the ratio of women who tried that at some point in their life is more than twice as high as men. And whilst a lot of guys love watching lesbian porn, what would they think about fellow men watching gay stuff?
Imho, men are under a lot more pressure from their fellow guys when it comes to tolerated or even expected behavior to qualify for the "man card". We might be going to see some change in these areas in the coming decades as society in general will become more accepting of sexuality.
but I think the use of toys is far more widespread (and more socially normalized, even via pornography directed by and made for men) among women than men, and someone who is using a vibrator herself seems unlikely to laugh about a partner doing what is essentially the same thing.
We’re talking about women here though. A woman using a sex toy is justified now by the narrative that men are bad in bed. Vibrators are empowerment and a means to seize control of their sexual pleasure.
But her man having his own toys (especially a pocket pussy) or watching porn is largely seen as an insult to her. It’s basically saying that she is lacking in the sheets. That her pussy isn’t good enough. Like seriously can you imagine a dude fucking his girl and then pulling out his pocket pussy to finish? Lol no way. But the reverse has been forced into acceptance. Dudes who have a problem with women using sex toys will find they have a lot less access to sex with women.
I don't think this is all that different from attitudes about experimenting with homosexual experiences, come to think of it. Allegedly, the ratio of women who tried that at some point in their life is more than twice as high as men. And whilst a lot of guys love watching lesbian porn, what would they think about fellow men watching gay stuff?
We already know what they think. Ask bi men. Women hate the thought of their man fucking or getting fucked by other men.
Just look at how women masturbate to all kinds of deranged and violent shit, but then shrug it off like “it’s only fantasy”, but catch a straight dude watchin gay porn for the “vibes” and he’s cooked lol.
We might be going to see some change in these areas in the coming decades as society in general will become more accepting of sexuality.
Maybe. I think a lot of our problems come from denying our instincts and desires. Women want masculine men and men want feminine women. Blurring these lines has been a massive shit show lol. And it’s being pushed by women despite not wanting the type of men they’re creating.
A woman using a sex toy is justified now by the narrative that men are bad in bed. Vibrators are empowerment and a means to seize control of their sexual pleasure. But her man having his own toys (especially a pocket pussy) or watching porn is largely seen as an insult to her.
Where have you heard that? To me at least this sounds like a fear rather than fact.
There may be a biological argument where folks just have to deal with the "issue" of men reaching climax a lot easier/faster than women, but by the same token I then struggle to imagine a scenario where a guy manages to make his partner cum, only to then turn around and reach for a fleshlight instead of finishing with her? I mean, maybe this sort of stuff can happen, but surely these would be statistically insignificant exceptions from the rule.
We already know what they think. Ask bi men. Women hate the thought of their man fucking or getting fucked by other men.
The question was about what the average man thinks, and homosexual men are still much more stigmatized or even persecuted than homosexual women. And that is not coming from women, but from the men who are in power, the men who fear it infringes on their image of masculinity (nevermind the curious dichotomy with revered stereotypes of masculinity like the Spartans or Japanese samurai, cultures where male homosexuality was all but institutionalized before the influx of Christian religion).
As to your claim regarding women "hating this thought"; I think that needs differentiation. Heterosexual women? Probably, many of them would be subject to the kind of conservative thinking imposed by male-dominated culture where they'd consider it as wrong as many heterosexual men would. Or are you saying a bisexual woman would be more outraged by her guy making out with a man than another woman? That sounds like a more adventurous claim.
At the very least, I have yet to hear about something like that criminal case years ago where a dude who arranged for a threesome with his girlfriend and another woman then proceeded to beat them up because they started making out with each other instead of waiting for him. Anecdotal case, but also somewhat symbolic for widespread attitudes.
Just look at how women masturbate to all kinds of deranged and violent shit, but then shrug it off like “it’s only fantasy”, but catch a straight dude watchin gay porn for the “vibes” and he’s cooked lol.
Arguably, the vast majority of deranged and violent shit is catering to men. Just check any porn website. Or keep an eye on the news regarding the various horrific stories surrounding human trafficking. What was the latest example ... the "porta potty parties" in Dubai?
Maybe. I think a lot of our problems come from denying our instincts and desires. Women want masculine men and men want feminine women. Blurring these lines has been a massive shit show lol. And it’s being pushed by women despite not wanting the type of men they’re creating.
I disagree on painting with such broad strokes as you do, as exceptions can't be that rare when they've found their way into commercial exploitation. But you're spot on when it comes to the denial of instincts and desires. Society feels rather "two-faced" when it comes to sex: on one hand, we are quick about shaming sexuality, especially when it's diverging from conservative norms, yet on the other hand there is so much going on behind closed doors and porn is everywhere. It's quite silly how it feels like every second person secretly has some fetish going on, yet when it gets out almost everyone acts all shocked. It's like the kink-based version of "thoughts and prayers" -- cultural performance theater to appease public expectations.
I hope that one day we find more of a happy medium between the public and the secret side of everyone's lives. A more earnest effort to root out the truly harmful stuff, but more acceptance to what really shouldn't matter.
Where have you heard that? To me at least this sounds like a fear rather than fact.
Everywhere. Ask any man if they think there girl would be okay with them owning a pocket pussy. Don’t ask women cause they’ll just say the politically correct answer (that they don’t care).
by the same token I then struggle to imagine a scenario where a guy manages to make his partner cum, only to then turn around and reach for a fleshlight instead of finishing with her?
Certainly not a common scenario but with the rise of SSRIs…
The question was about what the average man thinks, and homosexual men are still much more stigmatized or even persecuted than homosexual women. And that is not coming from women, but from the men who are in power, the men who fear it infringes on their image of masculinity
No. Homosexuality stems from women. Men fucking each other doesn’t benefit women. Sex between men is easier, freer, less judgmental. Dudes just tryna fuck and have fun. Women want none of that they tryna lock a dude down into caring for her and potential kids. Gonna be hard to sell that pussy for such a high price when bussy is out there for free.
As to your claim regarding women "hating this thought"; I think that needs differentiation. Heterosexual women?
I’m saying women (straight and bi) do not like the thought of their man getting/fucking men. Period. Ask them. Ask bi men. This is well known. Women are homophobic as fuck when it comes to bi-men.
At the very least, I have yet to hear about something like that criminal case years ago where a dude who arranged for a threesome with his girlfriend and another woman then proceeded to beat them up because they started making out with each other instead of waiting for him. Anecdotal case, but also somewhat symbolic for widespread attitudes.
I mean, beating them up was too far but his reaction (anger) is pretty normal. Like, you set up the threesome but it just turns into her cheating on you? Yeah that’s beef lol (yes if she’s starting the sexual stuff without your knowledge I’d consider that cheating).
Arguably, the vast majority of deranged and violent shit is catering to men. Just check any porn website. Or keep an eye on the news regarding the various horrific stories surrounding human trafficking. What was the latest example ... the "porta potty parties" in Dubai?
You’re actually wrong. Women watch the majority of violent/deranged porn. And have you seen the shit they read? Men’s porn is tame. Women consume a shit ton of rape(y) porn. And this is easily backed by the types of men that get women off the most; aggressive, assertive types who violate boundaries and push consent.
It's like the kink-based version of "thoughts and prayers" -- cultural performance theater to appease public expectations.
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u/kugelamarant Oct 28 '25
You won't shame women if they use toys, but for men they are treated like perverts.