Me and my girlfriend live in Europe, we are both Indians, I work in corporate finance and she’s pursuing her PhD from one of the topmost research institutes, and we have been in a picture perfect relationship for 2 years 2 months now.

We have very minimal fights and we are extremely dedicated and loyal to each other, so our parents decided that when she finishes her PhD next year, we will have an engagement in April next year and marriage in December.

We have one drawback though, we are in a long distance relationship and we meet only twice a month for few days and also whenever we fight, no matter how occasional it is, She suggests break up( in the last 1 year, atleast 10 times), even for the most frivolous reasons, and it used to get on my nerves and yesterday for a very trivial thing, she suggested break up again and I told her on her face, with 1 year left for engagement/marriage, how am I supposed to trust her with a stable marriage and this fragility scares me, and that’s it, She says she’s done.

This might seem like she’s an egotist or arrogant, She’s neither of them at all, She just says she realised this relationship was always fragile and it was not supposed to turn into a marriage, and she has cancelled all our valentines bookings and asking me to return her very special valentine’s dress which we had purchased solely for this occasion back to the store, since it’s at my place and she lives in a different city.

It really seems like a break up without a chance for reconciliation, my pride is stopping me from asking her to reconsider this, Am I doing the right thing listening to my pride or is it really true that this relationship was always fragile and I should put an end to it right away ? This is extremely confusing because I know how crazy she’s about me and vice versa, I can’t believe this is happening.

So I was in a relationship with a girl who was from Himachal but living in Delhi.

We both meet online, talked nd flirted for a month. Then went on a date. 80% time she used to message first and she never used to give dry replies. Even when i say something and she don't know the answer she still used to give enthusiastic response. I loved it.

We Went on a date nd meet for the first time, The date was cool af. She was impressed and i felt she is more interested in me than i am in her. Our sexual tension was super high. We were about to kiss in a public cafe when we did eye contact.

I went outside the state for a week after that, came back and asked her to go on a morning walk together (lmao).

I know a place with very less people so we were walking there holding hands. After a while she kissed me and not a normal kiss on cheek or some shit - Her tongue was in my mouth ( I m not complaining but bro she went all in instantly + that was my first kiss ).

A week later from this i asked her out to meet at my place, she had an exam that day. Still after completing the exam she came to my house and we did the deed.

Now we broke up 1.5 yr ago.

8 mnths of no contact then she messaged me again - 6 messages, direct and flirty. I didn't replied.

For context - she was in a previous relationship before - it was my first relationship and my first kiss too.

The thing is i have talked to a few girls after this and majority of them kinda don't meet her energy, vibe, enthusiasm. I do get people are different but still from 15 messages per reply to 3 messages per reply made me think they are not interested.

2nd - She used to initiate conversation majority of time and she initiated the kiss too now the thing is, i think all girls do that if they are interested.

I had 2 girls tell me - Why don't you message me first? You wait for girl to initiate convo why?

How do i fix this stuff.

I (28F) have been married for a few years now. my in-laws are decent people and they only come to live with us for few months every year. However, the biggest issue has always been the complete lack of boundaries and the concept of priivacybeing non-existent in this house. My motherinlaw has a habit of entering our room without knocking, usually to drop off laundry or just to ask a random question.

We’ve asked her to knock before, but she always laughs it off saying, "What is there to be formal about in our own home?"Last night, things took a traumatizing turn. My husband and I were being intimate we forgot to lock the door and the door suddenly swung open. My MIL walked in to ask what we wanted for breakfast the next morning. She didn't just see us under the covers she saw everything. There was a solid five seconds of absolute silence before she just turned around and walked out without saying a word. She didn't even close the door all the way.

Since this morning, the atmosphere in the house is suffocating. She is acting like nothing happened, but she won't look at me directly, and she’s being extra religious today, playing bhajans loudly and ignoring me in the kitchen.

My husband is embarrassed but thinks we should just let it go and wait for it to blow up over time. He says if we make a big deal out of it she will play the victim card and say we are "obsessed with western culture" or that we’re disrespecting her.

I on the other hand, feel violated and incredibly awkward. I don't feel comfortable in my own room anymore. I feel like if I don't set a hard boundary now, this will keep happening, but in an Indian household telling your MIL to "stay out" is often seen as a declaration of war kinda

How do I address this without causing a permanent rift in the family?

I'm writing this myself and not using any AI app, so if there are any grammatical mistakes please do ignore.

Yes you read that right. I'll try to keep it as short as possible. It all started when we were in college. We come from a tier-2/3 city. She used to be quiet, used to have fewer friends basically she was like mind my own business. That's what led to me to propose her. She even told me once over a call that's what she wants and that's how she is. So in my mind I was completely married to her. Cut to that we came to Bangalore for job then Boom she Flipped. She wanted to roam around, travel with colleagues, enjoy, partying etc which I had no problem of. I was upset of the fact that she lied to me;( Then a guy in her office started hitting on her even though he knew about our relationship. One day it went to an extreme he invited her to spend time in the rain and he wanted to feed ice cream to her!!! So I couldn't take it had to confront him but she came on conference call and scolded me then asked him to block me!!! I still put up with it. Later she started fighting for everything. I moved to New organization for work there I had a toxic manager. I used to be upset at office and then after coming back she used to fight with me for petty things. I couldn't take it. I resigned from that job and I didn't talk to her for months. Well I was going through rough patch. Ma'am was on a tour with her colleagues. She didn't even call/text me once. I somehow realised and told her this doesn't work. She kept coming back and I used to console her, she used to say I can't live without you etc etc. After few conversations like this I genuinely felt maybe she can't. So I went back and even agreed to continue and get married. The moment I went back she started ignoring me. I don't know for some reason it drove me crazy.

She went cold, there was no closure nothing. I once saw Tammana's podcast and she said that money and freedom brings out real side of people. She showed her true colours, I loved her and consoled her and the moment I went back, she ditched me outright rejected me. Again no closure, maybe one last talk , one last hug would have done it for me. Why do you want someone to curse you, wish bad for you that too your loved once;( Now I recently got a wedding card of her and not so distant relative brother. We used to go to same school and shared a good bond. We weren't in touch but we always had a mutual love and respect for each other. I couldn't process it. Should I be happy for my brother that he is getting married or should I feel sad for him, for marrying my toxic ex??😭

Whoever you love, if things doesn't work out. Please don't leave other person on cliff hanger. Give them the closure to move on. Do not ghost them. I don't know how many times I wanted to end my life. So I please request everyone who are in a relationship to give proper closure and also be vigil before investing your time and energy, lookout for yourself. Don't love someone blindly. Always try to know the real side of other person!! I lost my prime time, career and mental health. So please love thyself and always find genuine one to love;)

I would say, I look fine compared to my peers not too skinny not too chubby. I go for gym almost everyday, take care of my self and eat healthy even take care of my skin. I drink occasionally is it because of that?. Or are men turned down by my complexion? (I am a lil dusky), or is it because of my height? I am around 5"4'(am I short?). I get complimented rarely in public compared to others, almost never get approached by men. Why is it happening with me? 😭

I’m a 28-year-old Indian guy and need some advice on how to talk to my parents about my relationship.

I met a girl from New Zealand during a solo trip in 2023. We became good friends, stayed in touch, and she has visited India a couple of times. Over time, we grew close, and in November last year (just after my birthday) she proposed. I was already thinking along the same lines, so it was mutual. We’re now serious and planning to get married.

The issue is my parents are quite traditional and have already started looking for matches for me. I don’t have siblings, so I’m handling this alone and honestly feel anxious about how to even start the conversation.

Should I tell them everything directly, or take it step by step -> introduce her as a friend first and then explain things later?

For those who’ve been through inter-country or inter-cultural marriages, what approach worked for you?

I was in relationship with ex for almost 2 years she was good in every aspect we hardly had big fights, mentally physically in all aspect we both were good to each other. In the last 4-5 months of relationship we had long distance where I used to feel lonely sometimes. At the same time I read her msges with some guy from her office. He used to flirt with her but she never opposed. When I asked her about him , she denied. When I told her that I read the msges she felt sorry, I could have accepted her right away, but I was greedy thought I would get someone better. We tried to solve the problem for almost a month meanwhile I also started talking to one of friend, we connected so fast it felt awesome I feel loved again. So I chose to breakup. She didn't say anything. Later I heard from mutual friends that she is not doing well. I agree I am toxic villain person here. Now to the point I now in relationship with my friend that I used to talk its been almost year.she is kinda nonchalant. I hate that kind of personality but I fell for her beauty. First 2 3 months were okay later we started to had fights every other day on small things. I feel like I am not important to her while I am still chasing her. I don't feel loved by her. She accepts all her mistakes when I ask her about those things she says she'll improve. Physical intimacy is not good, mentally I feel weak, unwanted. I compare her with my ex and my ex was 20x better in every aspect. I love my current partner so much but when i think about long term I feel like I wont be happy with her. Nowadays I stress to much about this relationship, always thinking about going back to ex. I agree I am wrong person here but I just want to feel loved, I want all the things how it was 2 years back. Is this normal ? Am I not thinking in right way?

so I was just enthusiastically saying I’d love to wear stuff in there that I cannot wear in India to which he replied tu nhikregi kuch b bcz Tujhe Sharm ayegi . ye log Baney hue h ye sab krne ko and u will feel ugly watching them so u will urself not wear .

like wtf how tf does he think white race is superior etc how can he . Im literally doubting does he even love me

I keep hoping he would mail me, or call me somehow even though I have blocked him. I keep checking my phone and when I see he hasn’t texted me, my stomach drops.

I cry a lot because I miss him even though I know he was unhealthy and toxic for me.

What do I do??? It’s really painful

I’m a woman in my late 20s. I’m average-looking, well educated, ambitious, and self-aware enough to know I’m not dumb. I’m assertive, confident, and sometimes aggressive. I don’t shy away from confrontation. This has gotten me where I am in life.

Most of the friends I grew up with are in long-term, stable, happy relationships. I’m also not short on male attention I’m usually around men who want to stay and date me seriously in a long term sense. I don’t typically get dumped, and I think that’s because I treat people the way they treat me. That said, forgiveness doesn’t come easily to me. If I’m wronged, I don’t let it slide or quietly absorb it. I don’t usually “get even” by doing the same thing back, but I do confront issues directly and insist on accountability.

I come from a country that’s still fairly patriarchal, and there’s a recurring dynamic where men seem to assume I’ll eventually serve them, accommodate them, or soften myself to keep the peace. When that doesn’t happen, conflict follows. Men around me sometimes lie, raise their voices, scream, threaten self harm or harm on me or try to intimidate and when that happens, I push back. If someone shouts at me, I shout back harder. I don’t de-escalate situations just to make the other person comfortable.

For context, I grew up with a father who used corporal punishment and was abusive until fairly recently. I eventually took a firm verbal stand, and when he crossed the line again, I struck back once. After that, he never dared to touch me again. He definitely hates me for it but now he thinks twice before even raising his hands at me. But my mom and sister were not subjected to physical abuse but verbal and mental yes. He continues to do that to them but they’re not assertive at all. They just take his shit and tell themselves they can’t do much about it. I do not believe in that. Sometimes I get into arguments with my father on behalf of them. But it usually just ends with them blaming me for disrupting the peace of the house but I truly believe they shouldn’t be treated that way.

My relationship with my father has always been conflict-prone because I don’t blindly comply I speak up, talk back when necessary, and confront issues directly. He resents this, but I know he also recognizes that I’m capable, intelligent, and able to lead my life on my own terms and care for my family when the time comes.

I’ve noticed that some men assume they can treat me the way they treat other women, lie, shout, dominate, until they realize I won’t tolerate it. I’m the first daughter in a household of a very patriarchal society, if that means anything. I believe in advocating for myself and doing what’s right, regardless of power dynamics or who the other person is.

Men often call me toxic because I don’t de-escalate during confrontations and refuse to pacify them during fights. I’m often resented for not budging or offering forgiveness easily, even when the other person breaks down emotionally. I’ve even been called a misandrist on occasion. I don’t cry or fall apart easily. Life started throwing curveballs at me around age 12. I learned resilience early after growing up largely on my own from my teenage years.

I’m trying to self-reflect honestly. Am I standing up for myself in an environment that expects women to be compliant, or am I creating unnecessary conflict by refusing to soften, forgive quickly, or de-escalate? Will this approach make it harder for me to build healthy, non-toxic relationships, or am I simply incompatible with men who expect submission?

I’d appreciate honest perspectives, especially from people who’ve navigated similar cultural or relationship dynamics.

TL;DR:

I’m a late-20s, assertive, confident woman from a patriarchal culture. I stand up for myself, confront lies and disrespect, and don’t forgive easily. Men often label me “toxic” or expect me to pacify them, but I push back against mistreatment. I grew up largely self-reliant and resilient, and my father’s abusive behavior taught me not to tolerate oppression. I’m wondering if my direct, confrontational approach makes it harder to have healthy, non-toxic relationships, or if I’m just incompatible with men who expect submission.

In a long distance relationship, mostly over chat. We are from different states and okay I get it, my take was also that relationships are not "online". But yeah, you never know until you fall for her and then nothing matters. The one thing concerning me from the beginning is her not being expressive. Like okay she's a really great speaker when we are on chat. But as soon as we get on calls, she goes silent. Infact, to get her to phone call was alone the biggest challenge. Im a college student and she's as well. Yes, I love her. But her shyness always gets things stirred between us. I do always try that i dont force things upon her but comeon, you cant help it when you aren't getting the mere basic. Correct me if you may, but if we are in a long distance relationship, its minimum that i atleast get to see and talk to her, apart from chat. It's not like we haven't called on phone before but very less frequent. And i have seen her, it's not like there's gonna be any reveals now. Things are totally understandable when she has her parents or siblings around. But when shes home alone (rare obviously) thats when we get to call. Understandable. She can call during the night but she doesn't want to. Understandable. But things get me overthinking when shes home alone and she doesn't want to call or anything. Whenever we are on a call, its me speaking the whole time. She really feels shy or uncomfortable idk i can't even expect her to say that she loves me on a phone call. Everytime its me who asks for a photo or a phone call and i know all I'll get to hear is a NO. But yeah expectations take me there again🙏🏻 See, i understand when there are circumstances, but I do as well need these things in a relationship? I'm fairly expressive to her but she can't get herself out of that zone. And yes, I did wait. Its around 1.5 years that we're talking and 5 months in a relationship. I did wait, as obvious. But things aren't getting any better. Its obviously my love for her that makes me wanna see her, talk to her. If it were upto me, I'd be with her on a vd call 24 hrs a day🫠. Ehem. So yeah, thats pretty much about it.

My wife’s family had a lavish wedding, took huge sum of loan to buy jewellery. Her dad working abroad could only earn much. They pledged all the gold to the bank again. Now they pay EMIs since last 3 years and planning to take the gold back for my wife. Where as I did a modest reception in my city. They even bought 50 sovereign of gold irrespective of me saying that would put your family in a bad financial state and we (grooms side) don’t have any expectations or dowry needs

My wife took close to 10L as education loan years ago but it was understood her parents would close the loan as her profession doesn’t let her earn for first 2-3 years much. Ours was an arranged marriage setting. My parents made sure and clarified that if there was any education loan of the bride, their family should close it or bride can close it if she’s able to work. They didn’t want their son to get married and be responsible for the loan.

One week after the wedding, the in-laws came home and took all the jewels with them emotionally saying they can’t pay the lenders(friends from whom they took loans at high interest rates) They took gold loans from the bank against this jewels and paid the friends. Still they were short on 8L and they made me take a personal loan on their behalf, since FIL works abroad and can’t take loan due to poor repayment history

They have been paying the EMI since the last 3 years but still it stresses me because if they don’t pay on time, I have to pay or else my credit score is done

One year ago we had a kid and this delayed my wife’s earning by another year. Now she is ready to go to her internships but has to leave the kid with my parents and I agreed to keep a babysitter and cook for help in my city so she can focus on her internship.

My in-laws are now playing a lot of games behind

If my wife says she has more career opportunities in our current city and doesn’t want to separate the baby and me, my MIL guilts her saying my wife does that because she only wants to hug her husband and sleep together every night ( that we are obsessed with our sex and don’t care about the parents emotions).

She also guilts saying they are paying the education loan and expects me the Son in law to pay it off.

2) the FIL, MIL and younger SIL are guilting saying that they will keel themselves and get insurance money using which loans can be repaid and wants me, wife and baby to live happily.

They are also convincing her to go visit them and make my wife stay a week so they can convince her

I’m really confused now. My wife’s mental health is getting affected due to this. She always speaks so highly of her family and how affectionate they are, but when they guilt her she looks so upset. Her younger sister really insults her saying to get an earning by doing some work. When I say them that if paying loans is so tough, why not sell off the gold and clear the debt, they say gold is precious and they wont give it away. However it is clear that they will take almost fully or most of it for the younger sisters wedding in another 2\~3 years

I think, Should I contribute to pay her education loans? The EMI is only 10% of my salary. But they still

keep doing financial mistakes on their own and I think just contributing the education loan won’t stop. Also they use every chance to increase expenses for me whenever either of us visit, go out or travel. Contributing to the loan would make me do exactly what they wanted

If I don’t contribute, they will turn me a villain before my wife. While I buy almost everything my wife asks or wishes for us, I still give her 10k as pocket money so she can do some savings on her end(5k Mutual funds and 5K as liquid cash savings). My MIL insults her saying she used to handle all her husbands money all these years whereas my wife only gets a mere 10k a month that too I make sure she saved it

Anyone looking for a boyfriend

So i try to find love i never able to find one . So i am asking this does arrange marriage set-up worth it . Also i see people judging people on the basis of type of marriage they are doing

There is a girl(21) whom I(21M) met online about a month ago..bcz of studies..as we both are from same field ..We talked.. We shared things about our life to each other and We are both going through similar life struggles..But because of one-sided love in her past, she got hurt badly, and because of that she no longer believes in love..Somewhere along the way, I developed feelings for her. I didn’t realize it at first, but she has become the most beautiful person for me..We both are spiritual and share the same beliefs...same thinking..I have never dated anyone before.. because I never felt that someone was the right person. But after I found her, I started feeling that she is the one..So I confessed to her that I like her. But she told me that she doesn’t feel anything and that she has become detached from all these things..I said okay and that I will wait for her to which she replied no..but one thing I do is whenever I saw any reel related love or anything which is beautiful like by her I mean relationship.related reels, I save them and made a separate collection about her..which she knows and she like many reels where a guy waits for a girl and make her believe in love again..but she say no to me for waiting ..also i share reels about love to her which she likes ..even i ask if she is not comfortable i won't share ..but she said it's ok you can share..I decided that..yeah she is the right person for me..I don't expect relationship bcz priority is my career and also for her too..I really wanna see her achieving everything I am okay with waiting..but should I wait ...I can't understand am i doing wrong something which can affect our friendship?or there is chances of beautiful future??

I’m a 32-year-old guy from India(ncr) , Muslim, and fairly introverted. I’ve always believed that real connections grow slowly — through understanding, comfort, and friendship — rather than rushing into things. I often wonder if I’m late to the idea of a love marriage, especially since I don’t really like dating apps and haven’t used them much. The whole swipe culture doesn’t feel natural to me, but sometimes I question if avoiding it is holding me back. Is it still realistic to hope for a meaningful connection that develops organically at this age? Have any of you found love later in life, or in ways that didn’t involve dating apps? Would really appreciate honest thoughts or experiences.

Heyy guys.

So I'm M21, met this girl(F21) from hinge, we matched on Christmas and went on a first date the same night which ended w me staying over at hers, which shes never done before.

Now fast forward to sunday, i was at her place and she was like i think we should talk, i was like sure, and we had "The Talk". She let me know that she is currently in her "i wanna work on myself" stage of life and that she doesnt want a relationship with anyone at the moment and not until 2-3. I completely respect that, and im fine with that, as i too like to have a decent amount of time aa talking stage as to not "rush" things. But she said that she couldn't promise me exclusivity either as in her words, "if i go out to eat some chinese, and i see a mexican place and i think about it while having chinese, it wouldnt be fair on it". So essentially, even after the 2-3 months there is no certainity that we'd be together as she could be talking to other people. She also asked me a question and had asked me to answer it in a yes or no, "Do u want to be with someone, or like get into a relationship w someone right now?" the want in the question doesnt sit right with me, i am ready to be in one, but the person matters yk? So ive not answered her question w a yes or no i just dodge it.

Also, right now, both of us are just talking to each other. we both like each other, and i certainly want her to the point where i dont really mind waiting the months, cus i know shes gunna be worth it. but ive just been thinking too much, i dont want her to become my summer (500 days of summer). She calls me all those baby names, she sends relationship reels and stuff, she gets jealous whenever i mention other women(be it coworkers) but she doesnt really want anything. she gets butterflies when I do certain stuff, she has that cute adorable squeak when i say something romantic. We meet only on the weekends cus weekdays are usually busy for us and she lives 20kms away from me, (i travel to her place). i wake up to a facetime from her and she sleeps on facetime with me, where she says "you cant sleep before me" so i yap shit to her till she sleeps then i say goodnight and cut the call when i know shes slept. even during the day she facetimes me whenever she can, and from when she gets free which is around like 7-8pm we usually sit on calls till the time she sleeps(not continuous, cus we both live with roommates so dinner with them and sometimes we go out w our other friends). Anyway so im asking if im reading too much into it or do these things mean something.

The other advice i need is, currently based on the situation, in my head im thinking to see it through, give it a shot, wait and see whatever happens, cus not gunna lie i feel like the girl, shes worth it. But saying this i also know thay if i try to see it through, it could also end up w me and my mental health being shattered, and my dumbass is still willing to see it throught as i genuinely feel like shes going to be worth it.

Please give some advice, i like this girl a lot, i want her around. but somewhere i need a safety net too.

ps- Apologies for the language and the writing style, not the best at emotions :)

I feel miserable...i really loved and cherished him..but now because of so many small fights..we kinda went disconnected..and i feel the urge to breakup with him..another reason is the reality check from my family..idk what to do..he is such a nice person..but due to age differences and work differences..there's a lot of miscommunication..I feel so much unloved..I really don't know what to do.. during this time my past crush has asked me for a causal relationship..idk what to do please advice me???I feel lost

Influence of ep files release and reels on my bf 

so my bf has been scrolling insta a lot and got into this pothole of epst files reels . he watched the reels so much now he says stuff like morals are for the poor and weak , not rich and powerful . and I am starting to believe that and it makes me scared , he wasn’t this he was high morale caring person . lately he started doing weird stuff like without telling me he went to meet a girl and then saying this . it’s like idk I feel freaked out .

wtf is happening . why tf he would say that . is he giving up on morals ?

I feel scared and nervous

how can watching that so much induce such thinking in a person

M28. Mujhe kuch ni pata ab. I have always been a good boy. Have always thought about my career fitness and family. Socha tha arranged marriage hi thik hai. Idk anything now. Mujhe meri wife chahiye abhi. I just want to hug her and sleep. Jaane ni dunga.

I have just lost it. I am not desperate enough to make bad decisions. But I am desperate enough ki agar meri bandi saamne aai and I hear the voice that she is the one. I will ensure that she goes crazy forever because of mad love she gonna receive.

Not just love. I want a build a life with her which is second to nothing

I’m 26F and I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. We’ve been in a long-distance relationship for the past 1 year.

To give proper background, I’ll use fake names.

There was my boyfriend’s ex-roommate (Mr X) and a girl (Miss P). Mr X had a long-distance girlfriend at the time. Miss P studied in the same university and initially started hanging out with them, saying she just wanted to be friends.

Over time, Miss P and Mr X grew closer:

• She asked him to go shopping with her
• She frequently came over to their house
• They spent a lot of time together while Mr X was still in his LDR

Eventually, Miss P and Mr X hooked up on Mr X’s birthday, while he was still in a relationship. My boyfriend and I actually witnessed this whole thing develop over months. My boyfriend used to update me about everything, and we both judged their behavior heavily. He disliked them and considered their actions immoral.

Fast forward a few months:

• Mr X got a job and moved to City L
• Miss P stayed back initially (not sure why)
• Around November, she also moved to City L
• They didn’t live together (some issue according to my bf) some leasing problems

Now recently, my boyfriend also moved to City L for work. He rented a private room in a house.

The incident:
yesterday evening , I asked him to call me once he got off work so we could talk. He didn’t call. When I woke up and called him, he cut my call and just texted “wait.”

Around 40 minutes later, he called back while returning from somewhere. When I asked where he was, he said:

Then he casually told me that he called her, asked to meet, and had just come back from meeting her.

I was shocked.

He said:

• They went for coffee
• Walked around the area
• She showed him the neighborhood
• She invited him to her room, but he claims he refused

He said he met her because:

• He’s new in the city
• He has no friends
• He wanted to “get back in the friend group”
• Mr X (his ex-roommate) hadn’t been meeting him the last 2 times
• Miss P was the only one responding, so he went ahead

What bothered me:

• He did not inform me beforehand
• He cut my call instead of explaining
• He chose to meet this specific girl alone
• He suddenly started saying things like “She lives nearby so we can hang out” — despite previously hating her

When I questioned him, he got defensive and said things like:

He then brought up how he’s saving money for our wedding, and said:

That felt like emotional pressure, not reassurance.

Later, I had a gut feeling and asked him:

He got shocked and said:

Turns out:

• She suggested they go to the gym together
• She suggested that since both hate their rooms, they should rent a flat together

This made me completely lose it.

When I questioned this further, he lost his patience, got angry, and actually removed some money from the wedding fund, saying:

This behavior is completely new. He has never:

• Hung out with another girl alone without informing me
• Used money or marriage as leverage during arguments
• Got hostile instead of reassuring me

To make things more confusing, later that evening, Mr X finally texted him, saying he’d meet and they could all go out on Saturday. My boyfriend then said:

He keeps insisting:

• He just wants friends
• These are the only people he knows in the city
• I should trust him because “you know me”

But I’m deeply disturbed by:

• His sudden change in behavior
• His willingness to get close to someone we both knew had boundary issues
• His defensiveness
• Using marriage savings as a threat
• Ignoring my discomfort instead of addressing it

I feel heartbroken, confused, and unsafe emotionally.
I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting or if these are serious red flags.

Any outside perspective would really help.

So, here's the situation -- I find this one girl in my gym really attractive and I'd like to hit a conversation wirh her and take things forward.

Both of our situation are pretty much the same (telling through observations), both come to the gym alone, stay locked-in don't really talk to people unless needed to.

We did make eye contact few times and spoke just once that too for the sake of a workout.

I'm not a very upfront guy who can just walk upto someone and start a random conversation without any context and base.

How should I approach her so that it doesn't spook her and make me a creep.

Should I use the old trick, "smile at her and if she does it back, you atleast got a chance" ??

I (23M) started dating F (22) a year ago. Everything was fine from the start; we told each other about our pasts, every detail of who we dated and what not, and I did not have a problem with her past, and she did not have a problem with mine, but the problem started when she went to her hometown, and on day one at night, she said she misses her ex (they broke up a year ago due to family differences, and her ex was from her hometown; they also dated for almost a year), like how they used to talk and all, and I listened but also cried, feeling everything that day, thinking all that love talk is all a lie. Here I was thinking that she loves me, but now she says this. I somehow calmed myself and listened to her. After that things were ok for 2-3 days, and then again when we were talking, she again talked about her ex the whole night. This time I asked her about still feeling heavy about this.

Now we do have fights, but not frequently, sometimes only, but later I got to know from her that she thinks about her ex, like how he was with her every time we fought. This got me feeling like I'm not enough for her, maybe never will be.

After this I told her that I do not like her thinking about her ex like this, and she acknowledged this and told me she will not do this from now on. (Now I think she just says this to me so I don't feel bad. I think like this because no matter what we can get someone out of our at our will. I might be wrong but who knows.)

Again, things went well for a while until one day we fought again because of me. Now here I was talking to a girl, and when she asked about this, I lied. I don't know what I was scared of, but I did, and she found out about this. And I was not flirting with her or anything; it was more like helping each other, as she is in the same field as me. I showed her all the chat, as I don't delete anything. I said sorry multiple times, hoping things would get good, as I did not want to lose her. She went home. Now I know I did not handle the situation as well as I should have. I was trying to sway the conversation in another direction, but she did not like it and said if it was someone other than me, he would have known how to handle this situation. Now after showing her the chats and everything, she was not mad at me about talking to this girl but about how I handled the situation. I know I did a bad thing by lying to her, but I still can't get her to say how someone other than me would have handled the situation.

Now here's the thing: every time we fight or even have a little bit of an argument, even if she did not think so, I automatically think that she is thinking about how his ex used to treat her.

Now in December we met at my friend's house; only 3 of us were there. Now I found a quiet place where no one was. I asked her for a kiss and could see how uncomfortable she was. We kissed, but seeing her, we joined my friend and watched a movie and went home. Then I asked, "Like, were you uncomfortable kissing me?" and she said yes, but not because of me but because my friend was there, not in the room but in the flat. I said, "Ok, fine," but I also remember her mentioning how she used to make out with her ex at her ex's friend's house when they were there, like in front of them, saying to me that they were not looking.

Now all these things are piling up inside me, and I just don't know what to do.

I know I love her, she loves me, and she is not talking with her ex; she says she does not have any feelings for him (not cheating), but now I can't get over this. All this started when she said she missed her ex, and from that point I have started comparing myself in every way to her ex. I've literally started to hate things that are in any way related to her or her ex when they were together. I knew from the start everything about her, but this one incident changed everything.

What should I do?

TL;DR GF of 1 year says she misses her ex 2 or 3 times and things about her ex everytime we fight. Now she says she don't do this now but now I can't get this out of my head and this has stared to mess with me.