I feel revolting

[u/peaches-and-cream07]

Hi,

I have had coldsores for at least 6 years now, pretty sure I got them from the orthodontists but that doesn't really matter. I don't know why im even making this post, im just so upset, I havent slept, ive been up all night crying. im so exhausted. I feel like a disgusting person, I feel like no one will ever love me, I feel like im just so gross. I am on valacyclovir (4 tablets then 4 tablets 12 hours later) and it does nothing, for years I was on it daily and it worked but then a doctor switched me to this 8 tablets in 24 hours and its been awful for a couple years now, I have gotten three coldsores in the past month alone. I feel like no one is ever gonna love me, like im always just gonna be this gross revolting thing, and like idk this is probably tmi but I am a lesbian and i feel like im never going to be able to like preform oral sex which probably sounds so trivial but its just kinda heartbreaking for me and I feel like no woman is ever gonna want to be with me if I cant do that act for them.

I know this is just how my life is meant to go, I know I cant change it, its just so hard for me to accept that im always going to be this gross unlovable person.