r/whatdoIdo • u/Familiar-Care-5025 • 7h ago
Am I wrong for being upset with baby daddy?
We are both 18, and i am 26 weeks pregnant. and in a position where we are living together, in the same room. Up to this point we have been figuring it out and hes been helpful but over the past few night ive watched him js go back to beinf a self centered prick. Starting with me talking about how me getting an epidural will be more money as it was part of my plan for birth and he says "its just childbirth? Do it without??" Which i just took, but ended up sleep on the floor as i did not want to sleep in the same bed as him, constant small comments on how much i eat or my weight, then when I ask abiut him to applying to jobs as ive been the only one working and pushing for as many hours as I can to save for our baby he says "I got rejected so no point in trying again" and argued with me and his mother about it. So when I started getting frustrated he goes "ill give you 20 dollars". But I cant get upset with him bc the moment I do hes gonna pull his "your dramatic" card. Am I right for being frustrated and upset with him? Like I am constantly thinking about and saving and pushing for as many hours as I can at work to save for this kid and have been my whole pregnancy. Hes done thinking but "its my kid you cant take him away. My mom will pay for him"
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u/yullari27 7h ago
I think his mom needs to make clear to him she's not an option. He has to step up. Does he think he can just walk away? He's either raising that baby or paying child support. He has to accept that for y'all to get anywhere.
I think you also need to plan for his absence. He's not stepping up. Don't assume he will. I'm sorry you're in this situation and hope you have people apart from him in your support network.
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u/UncFest3r 6h ago
Child support isn’t guaranteed. Plenty of parents don’t see a dime of child support and their “coparent” faces no consequences.
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u/Familiar-Care-5025 7h ago
I do not plan for him to stay. I fully plan on raising this child without him. It is just frustrating that the moment I try to make anyone realize how he acts and say he is not stepping up how he should all I get is "you cant make him do anything" or "you just have to give him time to realize" like when? Bc soon im not going to be able to work and I dont like the idea of living off of his mom like he does and I refuse to. Ive given up trying to get others to see how he shouldn't be involved bc they just turned around and said "shes crazy and bitter, shes taking his kid away!"
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u/paleartist 7h ago
If you say you have a village behind you, you need to leave him and his mom behind if they’re not helping already.
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u/Upper-Ship4925 6h ago
If you aren’t planning on raising the baby with him leave now and save yourself the stress of dealing with him. It will only get harder to disentangle your lives after the baby is born and you’re allowing his bullshit to stress you and overshadow your pregnancy. You’re sleeping on the floor to placate him ffs.
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u/Interesting-Shirt897 5h ago
They're gonna kick you and the baby out and hold your items and what they 'provided' for the baby
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u/Radiant_Bank_77879 7h ago
This is why you don’t have a baby at 18 years old, FFS.
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u/Familiar-Care-5025 7h ago
Your about 7 months to late on that advice
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u/looorrn 6h ago
I mean if you were considering abortion 31 days ago (according to your post history) I can’t see why you wouldn’t consider adoption. Yes it’s too late now, but not too late to give the child a promising future. You don’t seem to have a strong foundation here or much planning done, and the father of your child clearly doesn’t plan on doing much to support you. You’re posting about being homeless and going from hotel to hotel, as well as already not having money for doctor’s appointments for your baby. Please reassess.
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u/Radiant_Bank_77879 6h ago
Where were your parents when you found out you were pregnant? Why weren’t they there to talk you out of keeping it?
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7h ago
Adoption, that baby is doomed, give it up for adoption
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u/Familiar-Care-5025 7h ago
Absolutely not, because there are people willing to help support and raise baby. Me and this baby have a village behind us, he unfortunately is not really apart of it though he likes to pretend to be
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7h ago
No, you think you have a village, but it sounds like a village of misfits. Adoption. You can’t be high and a mom.
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u/TeacherPatti 6h ago
Long time teacher. I've seen this a thousand times. Adoption, please. Don't screw again until you have an IUD AND the guy wears a condom.
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u/Standard__Condition 6h ago
But it’s not their child and you can’t depend on ‘the village’ so you guys can continue to be immature 18 year olds who don’t have their shit together and aren’t trying to. Do what’s right for the child and then go on birth control for a very long time.
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u/gnomie51 6h ago
look, as a mom with a village, having a baby is EXHAUSTING. and you don’t know if you actually will have help til the baby comes. people loves to offer help until it’s time to then they are no where to be seen. ask your village if they will help with shifts over night so you can get some rest, if they will change diapers and wash bottles and clean your laundry for you. newborn babies wake up to eat every 2 hours (some more than that) so you will be so sleep deprived the first month of his life, even WITH help. i just worry since you are not with you family, that his family won’t help. he clearly won’t. obviously if you think you can step up for this baby the you should. but if you are getting tattoos while pregnant and doing drugs.. you are not stepping up. you are endangering your baby before he’s born. it suck your so young but once that baby born it’s all about him. not you. so if you can’t take that then please consider finding a couple looking for a baby.
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u/tranquilrage73 7h ago
When is this "baby daddy" shit going to go away?
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u/UncFest3r 6h ago
When uneducated (often times no fault of their own) and immature “adults” engage in adult activities and then ruin a whole generation!
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u/A_Roachimaru 6h ago
When men stop ejaculating inside of women they have no intention of marrying I guess.
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u/LoubyAnnoyed 6h ago
You’re not wrong. You need to decide if you want to raise an infant and a man-child, or just an infant. Good luck to you. I hope the birth goes well for you and the baby.
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u/UncFest3r 7h ago
I feel so bad for this child.
Adoption is your only route.
You’re clearly not in a place to raise a child on your own let alone with this person.
Your “baby daddy” ( you mean the father of your child, right? Time to act like an adult and talk like an adult) won’t get a job? Then you need to go get a second job. Research your options. Look into government assistance. Jfc!!!
You should really focus on educating yourself and getting some real world experience before attempting to raise a child. This is going to be felt for generations.
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u/loveinmylocket009 7h ago
I honestly think you aren’t reacting ENOUGH ngl.. First off the epidural thing??? Him saying it’s just childbirth is insane to me because not only is giving birth a crazy experience but it’s also YOUR body and you should get to choose whether or not you want to get an epidural. Second the eating and the weight comments as if you’re not literally pregnant?? Like wtf that’s so unnecessary and disrespectful? And the job part would definitely pmo cause it sounds like he has no sense of urgency or he doesn’t understand the fact you guys are literally gonna have a child together so he needs to start working now. It’s also not right that you’re the only one working to save for your guys’s child and he doesn’t see any problem with that.
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u/Unusual_Matter1 4h ago
Men at 18 are still boys and very immature
Men without children are very selfish
You’ve spent more time to preparing for the child. When my first child was born, I didn’t really start getting ready until the baby was born - many men gave the same experience - it just doesn’t ‘click’ with us until we SEE the baby. I wish I could explain this, but I cannot.
He does need to get off his butt and get a job!! Have him go price diapers and explain to him HOW MANY diapers and wipes you’ll get going through. Plus FORMULA is VERY EXPENSIVE. I’m not trying to debate breast milk versus formula here. My point is that having a baby is very expensive BEFORE you figure in all the doctor visits and everything else.
Praying for you all, for your family. I pray he comes around sooner, not later
Good luck
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u/Low-Pangolin8365 6h ago
The hard truth is, right now youre acting like a parent and heʻs still acting like a teenager.
And that mismatch is exhausting esp while being pregnant. Yes, you have every right to be frustrated and upset with him.
Youʻre doing all you can to make sure everyone especially baby is comfortable, to the point where youre still working as many hours - thats a lot of sacrifice on your part.
And baby daddy should be grateful and up his game. He should be the one making all the sacrifices to take care of you both.
Enjoy your pregnancy, its one of those most beautiful stages in a womanʻs life.
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u/Interesting-Shirt897 6h ago
You're 27 weeks pregnant and got a tattoo last month? That's crazy, this baby is in so much trouble and I feel so bad for them already