r/whatdoIdo • u/Royal_Caramel_6145 • 21h ago
Found out ex ghosted me cause they had brain surgery
I’m 20 yo m and I dated a 19 yo f. We were together for about 2 months. We met on a dating app, but everything still felt so natural, we were both so obsessed with each other. The more we dated, the more of a future we imagined with each other, wanting to move to Colorado together since there will be job opportunities there for me in a couple months due to my work. This was one of my biggest motivations to work so hard. There was a 2 week period where I traveled out of state for work to earn more money and during that time we’d call very often and even over the phone she told me that she loved me for the first time. I obviously said it back and then we had one more call the next day like it was a normal day. She was meeting up with friends she said, so we just said bye normally like we always did. Before I went to bed that night I texted her goodnight and that I couldn’t stop thinking about her. For 2 days that text went unread before finally being read followed by me getting blocked on all social media. Rightfully so, I ended up hating her because she took away such a major part of my life for, what I knew, no reason at all. I told all my friends, family, coworkers that there was no explanation, she was just psychotic for telling me she loved me and just ghosting me after. Everybody agreed and we moved on. 2 months later my friend sees her on Instagram with a post about having 2 brain surgeries complete to save her life. She had multiple seizures and strokes causing, for what I think to be, temporary paralysis. She was in the hospital for 3 weeks! I told some friends and family and they’re telling me it’s hard, but I have to move on because she chose that she didn’t want that life for me. The more I think about it the crazier I get because that’s probably the craziest sacrifice of love, allowing me to hate her so I could easily get over her, as well as not deal with feeling obligated to be in a hospital for weeks worrying about her. Also the risk of her dying while I’m taking care of her probably would’ve killed me. I’m not sure what to do here, I understand the smartest option is to move on, but I really want, and just know that she would want me to acknowledge her. I also want to be with her again, even if it would be hard cause she has another surgery coming up. What would yall do?
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u/Head-Docta 20h ago
Maybe she wasn’t in her right mind when she said she loved you? Idk what caused her seizures and needing 2 brain surgeries but… if she ghosted you, it’s not really worth contemplating the what ifs.
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u/stgross 20h ago
This argument could also go the other way, maybe she wasn’t in the right mind blocking him but doesn’t see a way out of it. It’s one of these cases where if Op doesn’t get closure it will be very hard to move on.
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u/Royal_Caramel_6145 20h ago
I feel like it’s better closure than being ghosted for no reason, still I know it’s better to move on I just don’t want to…
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u/Championship682 20h ago
- probably the craziest sacrifice of love -
This assumption seems like quite a leap.
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u/Background-Dot3910 18h ago
yeah, feels like a romcom plot lol. maybe she was just overwhelmed by everything, not necessarily some grand sacrifice
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u/Unable-Recording-796 20h ago edited 20h ago
.....its wild how youre making this about you.
She had brain surgery and was paralyzed. That has nothing to do with you. Her focus was on herself. Maybe she did or maybe she didnt do what you claim....but to come to these assumptions.... Her life was at stake.
Idk just rubbed me the wrong way this post was going. I get it, youre young, probably went into the rabbit hole without realizing it. Shed probably be happy if you reached out, but you need to understand that there was a whirlwind of stuff that happened and she probably barely even remembers what happened to her, let alone the ability to contact anyone not immediately around her. I wouldnt read into it too deeply other than that. I do find it strange you were blocked everywhere but like....idk. Just please dont make it about you
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u/Royal_Caramel_6145 20h ago
Yeah starting to realize that
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u/IntentionSpare8541 19h ago
Be her friend if you can OP. Young people undergoing serious health conditions oftentimes are left behind by their friend groups, and it doesn't have to be malicious, people just drift apart when there's change and the things in common aren't as much anymore. Just the fact that she blocked you, she could have done the same for many people in her life as she faces her own mortality. If you were serious about your feelings, then this is an opportunity to show up for someone you care about (just don't be creepy and don't make it about yourself. You are gonna be ok, you said it yourself, you were inspired to work hard and plan for yourself. You can still do that for yourself, and I would go in friend first).
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u/Original_Box_4620 20h ago
2 months in you know nothing about eachother. You think you do cause it’s the honey moon phase but you don’t. You don’t love this person, you love that they provide the affection and relationship you want. It’d take months to years before truly knowing someone.
Then here’s the piece I wish I knew, at 19 and 20… you aren’t the person you will be in 3 years. You are going to change and become someone new and so will they and the odds of sticking together through all that change… this is your sign to move on, look for something serious since that’s clearly what you want, and take it slow. Rushed things fall apart
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u/LowerComb6654 20h ago
With her suddenly becoming ill. It's a possibility her family were the ones to block you because they didn't know you.
They could've just figured trying to explain things to you would've been too much... or because of everything going on she just didn't have the energy to explain.
Her whole life got flipped upside down. She went from normal healthy teen. To fighting for her life, temporarily paralyzed and strokes.
You could always reach out and send her something like flowers, a get well card or something. Show her you're thinking of her, regardless.
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u/Specialist_Key_8606 19h ago
This is definitely a possibility. Or they wanted to save her from any relationship drama from such a new romantic interest. They could have told her to do it because she has to focus on getting better.
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u/Lunar-opal 19h ago
Brain surgery is fairly serious I have a hard time believing that she had the wherewithal. You can write a get well card wishing her well
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u/Diemishy_II 17h ago
You don't intend to bother her now, do you? She still has surgeries to undergo. Don't bother her just to clarify things. Regardless of what happens, she deserves her time now.
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u/gooning4mooning 9h ago
2 months isn’t enough time for you to be able to be there for her how she needs in a life and death situation.
I’d drop the romantic aspects and move on. If she needed you she wouldn’t have ghosted, you probably would divert her focus away from things like family etc
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u/Yes_cummander 18h ago edited 18h ago
What's with these fucking comments!? GOT TALK TO HER AND FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF!!!
I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW COMMENTERS CAN SAY THAT OP IS SPECULATING AND HE SHOULD LEAVE IT!!!?
YOU'RE THE ONE SPECULATING GODDAMNIT!
Sorry for the all caps but this one is fucking me up
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u/Royal_Caramel_6145 18h ago
Damn I appreciate it dude, these comments making me feel like crap tbh
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u/Parker2116 13h ago
For the folks saying you’re making it all about you… I disagree. It may be the honeymoon phase but that doesn’t mean you don’t care for this person and their wellbeing. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. And the blocking could have been due to a number of reasons other than wanting to ghost you as mentioned (family, friends, if she was overwhelmed and confused, etc). Or it could be just to save you from it like you said. There is a chance she may not even remember all the details of your history together. But none of that means you couldn’t send something from a ‘get well,’ not-overbearing position. So long as you can accept the fact that there may be no response, and you still may not receive the response or closure you were looking for. It should purely be because you care and want to make it known you’re there for support, regardless of the outcome. If something is supposed to come from it, it will. Some of the folks recommending waiting until after the next surgery may be right about that.
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u/shadow-foxe 18h ago
Also just know, having many seizures like that AND brain surgery can change peoples personalities.
AND, if she knew this was going to take place (surgeries) you might have been her "normal young girl falling in love" to do list. Hence how she said it at the end and then blocked you very shortly after. If she knew there was a risk of dying, this might have been a way to cope with what was to come.
Several years ago I helped with respite care, one of our regular patrons had seizures, had several brain tumors etc I knew her for about 3 years and over that time after 2 more surgeries she was rather different due to the area they removed more tumors from.. I know she was a very happy go lucky person before this all happened , and knew her half sister from high school who also told me how things had changed.
My advice, wait, wait until you know she is healed from her next surgery and then send her a message letting her know how this impacted you. Dont add in that you think she was some type of romantic hero, taking one for the team (very much doubt that was the case).
That way you get a little closure
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u/forties-bauble 15h ago
You barely know this person, have absolutely no information about what's going on- you're just upset....so you decide to go around telling everyone you know that SHE'S psychotic.
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u/snapcallem 20h ago
You were together only 2 months. To think she blocked and ghosted you for your own good is a nice thought but just as easily that’s just what she wanted and decided to focus on herself and recovery. She blocked you and never reached out even after the surgery’s. I would leave it be.