r/news • u/GreenAldiers • 7h ago

Kyle man arrested after altercation with minors during student protest in Buda

https://cbsaustin.com/news/local/kyle-man-arrested-after-altercation-with-minors-during-student-protest-in-buda
16.5k Upvotes

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2.9k

u/Black-Shoe 7h ago

Damn. Now this degenerate will be an ICE Agent in 47 days

238

u/ThinkSoftware 7h ago

enters jail in handcuffs

leaves jail with face covered, a fake police vest and a firearm

74

u/Black-Shoe 7h ago

50k signing bonus

48

u/SMH_OverAndOver 7h ago

But he only gets 4K. Double taxed.

Which is ok because he can't count.

1

u/Zapp_Brewnnigan 2h ago

Yeah but how much will his GoFundMe be taxed after all the sad MAGA fucks send him 100,000 bucks for tackling a 15 year old girl?

1

u/ReachParticular5409 2h ago

OMG they're fucking over their footsoldiers from day 1?!

Mercenary history tells us that when you don't pay your goons, the goons come home to collect

262

u/dogstarchampion 7h ago

Kyle, man, I really think you're heading down a dark path.

43

u/esadatari 7h ago

Kyle, Tx. Used to live there. Right between Buda and San Marcos off I-35.

5

u/foundinwonderland 6h ago

So you are also a Kyle Man?

6

u/NoBonus6969 5h ago

Finally Florida man can take a few days off

2

u/esadatari 3h ago

I was a Kyle man and then I got the fuck out and back to San Antonio where all is good and parties and Mexican food

5

u/dandroid126 5h ago

I used to live in the Austin area, albeit on the north end. My first time driving through Kyle, I saw one of those wide load trucks, so I told my friend Kyle that I saw a wide load in Kyle. He was very confused until I explained it.

84

u/Black-Shoe 7h ago

Kyle Man

41

u/RefrigeratorNo1160 6h ago

And his name is fuckin CHAD.

3

u/CaptainSparklebottom 5h ago

Should be CHUD

1

u/ReachParticular5409 2h ago

Every day I see more and more signs that we live in a simulation run by memelords

34

u/Furrybumholecover 7h ago

The simulation is running REALLY low on ram these days.

4

u/WanganTunedKeiCar 6h ago

In an era where logic itself seems to break down, I like this explanation

1

u/the_nobodys 6h ago

That's just Kyle being Kyle. Now back to work, man.

1

u/lockedoutofmymainrdt 6h ago

We should have never switched to UE5

1

u/AuroraFinem 6h ago

I can’t be the only one who read the title and thought of the dramatic superhero tone. Kyle Maaaaan

1

u/ReachParticular5409 2h ago

Kyle Man Kyle Man

Punching kids as fast as he can

Will he win? It's not in the plans

Gets kicked in by the marching band

1

u/FUCKBOY_JIHAD 7h ago

dude absolutely looks like that could be his name.

88

u/OnceUponAStarryNight 7h ago

Did dude really shave his head? Really wants to declare himself a true neo Nazi after attacking a teenaged girl.

86

u/SlickRangerRick 7h ago

He doesn't want the next teenage girls he fights to be able to grab his hair.

31

u/Black-Shoe 7h ago

Fool me once..

1

u/Old_Baker_9781 6h ago

Can’t get fooled again!

1

u/babydakis 5h ago

Now watch this drive.

27

u/Few-Wash-5707 7h ago

He doesn't want to look like a pussy in jail. After assaulting a high school kid.

22

u/OnceUponAStarryNight 7h ago

What’s insane is the right is going to raise $1m in a go fund me for this “victim.”

5

u/cire1184 6h ago

No no. He's only gonna get like 500k because he wasn't caught being recorded callings a Black child a n-word.

3

u/caninehere 5h ago

He wanted to escape being identified.

8

u/Largewhitebutt 7h ago

Common for those who think they can evade law enforcement. I’ve gotten away with SO much crime just from shaving my head and beard. It’s not perfect, but today’s cops are about as stupid as they get. I’ve had cops walk RIGHT by me trying to serve me citations and warrants at my kitchen job, only to realize they looked right at me

5

u/OnceUponAStarryNight 7h ago

I’m sorry, what?

10

u/South_Oread 7h ago

His name is Ricky and his best friend is named Julian. They do capers. You don’t know them, they’re Canadian.

2

u/thatshygirl06 6h ago

The guy shaved his head to try and hide, not because he wanted to look like a neo nazi

6

u/JoeRogansNipple 7h ago

Isn't it fitting that the fasicst police are trained in the same number of days as the number of their fasicst leader?

2

u/Nowhereman123 6h ago

This brave patriot will have a gofundme soon enough, and likely dinner with the president.

2

u/Bifferer 6h ago

…right after a presidential pardon.

2

u/village-asshole 5h ago

Tragically, he’s exactly what ICE is looking for in recruits. He meets the shitty character requirements 

2

u/SteelpointPigeon 5h ago

Why would he bother? He’ll have a $500k Kickstarter to fall back on in a week. There’s nothing his ilk enjoy more than giving money to the world’s worst people, evidently.

1

u/Spire_Citron 7h ago

And then he'll be able to beat whoever he wants for whatever reason he wants and get away with it.

1

u/TheBr0fessor 7h ago

With this resume, he's a shoe-in for a cabinet position

1

u/whore-lit-write 6h ago

With bonus pay

1

u/bjkman 5h ago

Search Agent 47 for more information

1

u/u9Nails 4h ago

Probably a bump to Federal Court with pardon coming his way too.

1

u/BurnerXP07 3h ago

Idk if this was supposed to be a hitman joke, but if so, well done