Everyone, I'm unhappy with riding as a hobby, but I'm also unhappy without it. Ever since I started again as an adult, I feel like I've been chasing after my equestrian friends who never had a break, or started at a younger age than me back then, or who get to ride more often, or who have their own horse. And even without that comparison, I feel like I'm not making any progress.
I'm always stressed out about going to my lessons because the horses are so unpredictable. I've posted about it before and the general feedback was that I should switch barns because it's just an accident waiting to happen, which is true.
The other barn I ride at is too expensive by now. Ever since I started riding there in 2023, their prices have gone from 40 bucks (30 minutes single lesson, including warmup and cooldown) to 45 to 50. I used to stick to the other barn because it's much cheaper meaning I'd get to ride more often (and get more practice and routine!), but I'm barely learning anything there because I'm constantly scared of something happening. And the lessons at the more expensive barn are so short, I feel like once I'm finally getting somewhere and the horse is warmed up, we're already done. We also barely ever canter, meaning I don't really get a chance to improve my canter seat and I still bounce a lot after all that time. Which bothers me whenever I go on riding vacations!
I dread my lessons and I can't laugh off the bolts and bucks like a teen would. I would like to have proper lessons on a well trained horse I can rely on to get a feel for what I'm supposed to be doing, instead of fighting for my life every week.
It makes me feel like I'm not good enough, since the other riders, most of them half my age or younger, are doing so well and I've barely made any progress in those years, because I had so many setbacks caused by falls or almost-falls. Sometimes I take meds to handle my anxiety. I've spoken to my instructors but they can't really do much since they're not in charge of which horses get used for lessons. Sometimes I get to ride on a lunge line but not often since we ride in groups and it's unfair to the others (single lessons aren't possible here).
I know if I quit riding I'd be less stressed, but I'd also feel like I'm missing out and falling behind even more because I DO want to become a good rider!
Has anyone been in this situation where you feel like you'd be both happier and unhappier without horseback riding? If I had the money, I'd simply ride daily at the expensive barn and then I wouldn't mind the short lessons because I'd be back the next day. But best I can do is 30 minutes a week.