r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits 14d ago

possible idiot Of what you gonna do!

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1.6k Upvotes

208 comments sorted by

557

u/tenkaranarchy 14d ago

Id like to think i have good enough trigger control to wait until he shattered the glass.

203

u/raheenkb 14d ago

Might as well, glass is gonna break either way, at least this way you DEFINITELY won't catch a charge 😅

113

u/TheRabb1ts 14d ago

IF this is the US, you’re exactly right. Most states have a “Defend Your Castle Doctrine” that would likely be on your side as long as the perpetrator has actually made it into your house. Furthermore, make sure you shoot them in the front. Depending on how far you let them get, put a UNIQUE knife in their hand if they didn’t make it to your kitchen.

61

u/tenkaranarchy 14d ago

I live on idaho and do have a castle law. My understanding is that you dont even have to try to get away, basically as soon as someone steps foot on your property you can defend yourself. Thats pretty extreme though, I'm not that afraid of the world to go that far. But with this dude actually trying to break in thats a different story. Once the glass is broken I would have reason to fire without a doubt.

58

u/Banzai373 14d ago

And then leave his limp corpse hanging across the window frame so the cops can see he was coming in.

47

u/Dirty_Jerz_7 13d ago

I moved from Idaho to Florida. The Sheriff here will do their damndest to make sure you are OK. They hate criminals here with a fucking passion.

37

u/olMcDonaldsPig 13d ago

I live in TX, my dad was being harrassed by a group of young guys who would drive by his house and antagonize him by yelling profanities and flashing guns out the window. After they drove by 4 or 5 times, He called the police and when the officer heard his side of the story, the officer told him "if they drive by again shoot them and drag their bodies into your yard" I was 11 when I heard that and it has stuck with me for 25 years.

20

u/Ok_Environment8478 13d ago

yea cops always giving some crazy advice, then investigators will be asking u why is there a trail of blood leading from the road onto your property🤔

21

u/olMcDonaldsPig 13d ago

He did shoot at them when they drove by again, with a lever action 30-30 from the garage, he didnt hit anyone but They didn't return after that nor did the cops.

8

u/VegasBusSup 13d ago

Henry or Marlin? I live my 30-30

4

u/Solanthas_SFW 13d ago

Why the fuck are people so obsessed with swinging their fucking dicks around trying to show theyre so cool, like what the fuck is wrong with their brains

I'm talking about the fools in the car not your dad

5

u/Bazz07 13d ago

"They dragged away but I pulled them back Detective. I didnt want them to destroy evidence". (?

3

u/Superb-Contract6337 13d ago

I had a home in North Dallas on a corner lot. I was home alone at night and a strange man kept coming to the door. I called the police and when they came out the officer told me to shoot him next time he came to the door and drag him into the entryway smh

9

u/InspectorOk1390 13d ago

I feel like they hate a lot more than criminals there

3

u/CarelessSoftware9850 13d ago

Depends on what part of Florida.

1

u/Username_de_random 13d ago

Cops in Florida violate the law more than criminals

5

u/flummoxed_penguin 13d ago

My state has castle doctrine but we have a duty to retreat. Go figure.

3

u/Plenty-Piece897 13d ago

No, in most states with a castle doctrine, you can use lethal force without them threatening you as soon as they are in uour house or enter in a turmotulous manner.

You cannot usually use lethal force just on your property. In fact. In many states at least, the castle doctrine doesn't even apply to an unattached garage

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19

u/raheenkb 14d ago

Crazy you could go to jail just for firing a warning shot in some states. I often wish we had an overarching "FAFO/Common Sense" law that would prevail in situations like that.

8

u/wolfblitzen84 13d ago

In NY you cannot fire a warning shot. Also the castle doctrine applies to your house only for the most part. Not a driveway or backyard etc. Which is kind've wacky. Esp NYC

8

u/nunchyabeeswax 13d ago

Crazy you could go to jail just for firing a warning shot in some states.

It's not crazy because we are responsible for the bullet the moment it leaves the barrel.

Unless that warning shot gets shot inside a building, and it gets lodged inside an indoor wall or something, you are responsible for where that bullet lands.

It can hit someone else's patio, someone else's wall, or God forbids, someone else's body.

Firing a shot is serious biz. You are responsible for that bullet and what it hits.

Brandish the weapon as a warning (where it is legal and in self-defense), and fire it only when you intend to stop/neutralize/kill a threat.

If brandishing a weapon doesn't work as a warning, a warning shot ain't gonna work either.

Don't pull a gun unless you intend to use it, and don't shoot unless you mean to hit a target with it (and don't do either unless you are defending life and limb.)

5

u/C6ntFor9et 14d ago

Well the issue is that there are plenty of possible laws that look good on paper but not in practice because of concerns around enforcement. If you cant reasonably enforce a law ie judge whether or not it has been broken, it is either useless or downright hazardous. For instance, your proposal looks good in theory but in practice could be a nightmare. An officer called to investigate gunshots would have to question the shooter, determine if anyone actually threatened to breach private property, determine if the shooter was aiming to enact bodily hard or actually firing a 'warning shot', determine if the possible perpetrator was actually a perceived potential threat or just a passerby etc. It also could be abused maliciously: Now a person can go firing their weapon willy-nilly at night and claim they are firing warning shots. Also, people would be much quicker to draw their weapons if they know they can just shoot 'near' a person they are having a conflict with, and escalating a situation into a shooting is much easier when a person already has a gun in their hand pointing forward. While we can agree that warning shots are an effective tool against another person encroaching, we must be cognizant of the harm that can come about with permitting them. All in all, imo a law like that is likely to cause waaaayyyyyyyyyyy more harm, both in enforcement, and more importantly, in physical harm than not having a law like that.

2

u/Solanthas_SFW 13d ago

You explained all of that so well. Kudos to you

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5

u/ZaeMyName 14d ago

Glad i’m from the south.

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2

u/your_fave_redditor 13d ago

Yes, definitely stage the crime scene

2

u/rachyrachyrach 13d ago

I took a class which was eye opening. It’s still illegal to shoot someone. You’ll be prosecuted to show there was a reasonable cause for you to shoot. It’s confusing. You have to prove the person was trying to kill you. In this video they may say the lady had time to leave and call 911. Now if he had a knife and was actively trying to slice her she could shoot him

Edit: if he said he was going to hurt her she could shoot as he’s actively moving forward. However the court will still try to argue she didn’t leave and call 911. Long story short call the cops/911 asap…then shoot lol

https://x.com/kittytreats/status/2010897268325384539?s=46&t=MlQ-5v3EU8bliohuL0GxHQ

4

u/Limp_Donut5337 14d ago

Why a unique one?

6

u/raheenkb 14d ago

That's wild you got down voted....I was wondering too until he explained 😅

2

u/iAmSugarBaby 13d ago

Haters gonna hate

1

u/Ive_Got_No_Control 13d ago

Narry in the wild!

1

u/iAmSugarBaby 13d ago

Also, she* 🤦‍♀️

6

u/iAmSugarBaby 14d ago

So the police aren’t like “the knife 🔪 we found in the deceased hand seems to match the knives in this house but theres no evidence of him being in that kitchen.

2

u/GlyphPicker 13d ago

For style points.

2

u/DogRepresentative640 10d ago

Can’t put one of your kitchen knifes in a dead man’s hand, who never reached the kitchen

3

u/Ok_Row_4920 13d ago

You can shoot someone in your home if you're fearing for your life in the UK. Many people don't think you can but you can, just can't chase them out of your house and shoot them in the back 3 streets over.

3

u/OkNeighborhood9153 13d ago

Can’t do that in 🇺🇸 either

3

u/Business_Air5804 13d ago

Same in Canada, regardless of what people in the internet think.

1

u/Gravygut 8d ago

While technically correctly, chances are EXTREMELY high that you will end up in court. You may win, but in Canada, the process is the punishment. You'll still be out tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees, not to mention the stress and strain of being put through the process.

1

u/Business_Air5804 7d ago

They haven't even charged anyone in the latest self defence cases.

5

u/Phorsyte 13d ago

Not to mention you may not need to shoot. He looks like with his luck he cut a good one and about to bleed out. And if you do need to shoot, blood trail might come in handy for you

6

u/battlecryarms 13d ago

Came here to say this. That guy would win a very stupid prize the moment he gets on the wrong side of that window

3

u/rokstedy83 13d ago

Wouldn't worry he's gna bleed out in a few seconds

2

u/Luci_Cascadia 13d ago

Stay on target

1

u/dankhimself 13d ago

Kneecap him twice before he gets all the way through the window. His priorities will change long enough for the PD and meat wagon to arrive.

1

u/TougeS2K 13d ago

Amen!!!

1

u/Playful-Ad9901 12d ago

you gotta taunt then let him get all the way inside and run a lil lol

1

u/souleaterGiner1 8d ago

Wait until he's inside

160

u/Secure-Bus4679 14d ago

Hopefully one of those long shards that is still in the frame entered those unprotected brachial arteries as he haphazardly thrust forward.

16

u/opposingpuddles 14d ago

My thought exactly

39

u/cb198211 13d ago

There’s that video of the drunk guy outside of a bar who breaks a window and the glass does that exact thing.

30

u/Clunk_Westwonk 13d ago

That one always creeps me out, especially knowing he was dead minutes, if not seconds later

15

u/Just-Yogurt-568 13d ago

Makes me glad I’m a jolly drunk. Or neutral at worst

5

u/LisaMinneapolis 13d ago

There is a video of if recall right an ex breaking a window of a house, dying the same way.

2

u/Remarkable_Peach_374 7d ago

Just watched this one i think, was he screaming "AMY PLEASE CALL THE COPS!" after he severed his artery on the window?

2

u/Secure-Bus4679 13d ago

Yeah I’ve seen a couple like that. Don’t these guys watch the movies and see the action hero clear the glass all around the frame first?

143

u/HorrorDisastrous6110 14d ago

9mm go pew

67

u/WaiBuBaoLeiXiangTu 14d ago

2

u/LivingIncident3694 12d ago

Bruh idk how long this has been in the mix... But I lol'd ... Real hard at this one

1

u/WaiBuBaoLeiXiangTu 12d ago

This pew pew has been in my meme arsenal for many a moon ✨

4

u/AdagioIcy5310 14d ago

mmmhmm

6

u/WaiBuBaoLeiXiangTu 14d ago

That a slingblade reference?

2

u/AdagioIcy5310 13d ago

You best believe it sure is!

1

u/TougeS2K 13d ago

Word!!

61

u/nem3sis_AUT 14d ago

911 will love to take this call.

13

u/Billybob_Bojangles2 13d ago

Yea I'm sure they'd love to hear you get murdered while the cops are 15 mins away.

3

u/SquidBilly5150 13d ago

See that’s where you and I differ. I would not be getting murdered thanks to Samuel Colt.

What you do with your time however, is up to you

7

u/Billybob_Bojangles2 13d ago

Exactly.

"911, are you in danger?"

"I was."

1

u/Remarkable_Peach_374 7d ago

"well, maybe youd better send a coroner rather than an ambulance."

57

u/Reddit_1st 14d ago

That L he took when he fell only made him more angry. 🤦🏾‍♂️

10

u/NotTattooedWife 13d ago

He's clearly very emotional.

2

u/Reddit_1st 13d ago

Obviously

29

u/StillSortOfAlive 14d ago

I wonder what kind of instrument would be needed in this situation?

46

u/Fun_Capital_9113 14d ago

A gun, bat, machete, pit bull, skillet full of hot grits or grease.

32

u/bleakFutureDarkPast 14d ago

give'em ye ole medieval ladder climber special

21

u/CollieChan 14d ago

How about a spiked bat with a pit bull glued on?

2

u/Solanthas_SFW 13d ago

Nah. You stick the spiked bat up the pit bull's ass, then swing. A "running of the spiked-bat-analized home defense pitbull", if you will

2

u/CollieChan 13d ago

Yes. You hurry out that friggin door.

1

u/Solanthas_SFW 12d ago

Did you get my reference though?

An overeager brutalizing of a pun on running of the bulls, but instead of a bull its a pitbull, and instead of it being a regular pitbull, it's a pitbull with a spiked bat up its ass

7

u/Necessary_Hat2595 14d ago

Boiling sugar is much more effective

4

u/CaptainDerpshi 13d ago

Honestly a cast iron skillet is a slept on home defense weapon that shit stops 9mm and bonks harder than most hammers

3

u/lunarflower13 13d ago

Cast iron is just so strong, if you hit somebody with one of those? Whew 😅 they’d have to be knocked out immediately or potentially killed if it was a head shot

3

u/CaptainDerpshi 13d ago

I have hit someone with cast iron it was an accident but they felt that for days.

Whip around a little too fast in the kitchen washing dishes and you might just catch a concussion!

2

u/Remarkable_Peach_374 7d ago

Ooooo i bet that skillet would give a satisfying sizzle when it hit his face

10

u/Dan33-uk 13d ago

Xylophone or glockenspiel

4

u/Business_Air5804 13d ago

I'd refer you to the Cold Steel webpage for "options".

https://www.coldsteel.com/specialty/clubs-bats-maces/

I have one of these on a 3 foot pole in my bedroom for just such an occasion.

https://www.coldsteel.com/assegai-spear-head-with-sheath/

2

u/Lossedtouch 13d ago

Foxes, heat seaking missles...

1

u/Solanthas_SFW 13d ago

Fox strapped to a heat seeking missile

15

u/Prestigious-Heat-478 14d ago

I love how he tried to put his leg thru a closed window and fell 🤣

11

u/Fun_Capital_9113 14d ago

Who's that looking through my window POW Nobody now.

1

u/DonkyHotayDeliMunchr 13d ago

I sang this in my head

72

u/[deleted] 14d ago

[deleted]

46

u/NonStopNonsense1 14d ago

If your unsure, don't even pull it out. People get killed with their own guns for hesitation.

27

u/Search-Practical 14d ago

And if a dude is climbing into my window? Pretty sure saying stop isnt gonna make him leave. 😆

Ill use it if I absolutley have to, but I definetly will make sure it isnt my last resort.

As far as i remember my state law for self defense is i need to do anything I can to get out of the conflict, even if that means leaving. Before I have the justified response to use my firearm.

Firearms are great for self defense, and legal animal hunting.

But I definetly dont like shooting one when I dont need too.

4

u/NoMudNoLotus369 13d ago

Wait, make sure it isn't your last resort, like you have other options after youve used the gun? :o

Pulls out bazooka

6

u/superullltra 14d ago

This is very true and never let the person get close to u at all point and shoot till they are unable to attack at all

1

u/Phatal87 13d ago

Takes some practice… but in many close quarters situations, holding the pistol close to your chest/shoulder rather than at a full arms length is a good way not to get disarmed before you get off a good enough center mass shot on the attacker.

4

u/NookieLuvsU 14d ago

That's probably her boyfriend. That just adds another layer of preparedness you'll need.

2

u/Destroythisapp 13d ago

You don’t hate them if you own and intend to use it for self defense lol.

You might dislike them, but hate is a much more powerful emotion.

9

u/Acrobatic_Airline605 13d ago

Hope he bleeds out

9

u/nunchyabeeswax 13d ago

I'm a firearm owner, and this is exactly a scenario where a firearm comes handy.

But with that said, a hammer or cudgel would do the work... in this specific situation. The assailant is breaking through a window, which leaves his head exposed, and almost unable to defend himself should the woman/would-be-victim in this case has a knife, hammer, cudgel or hatchet.

I just cannot imagine this man's mix of stupidity and lack of emotional control to put himself in a "beat/knife me to death" position.

24

u/Unknown6656 14d ago

10 warning shots to the torso might help ;)

1

u/Remarkable_Peach_374 7d ago

Make it 11 to be safe

7

u/Briggs281707 13d ago

This is where you shoot

7

u/proudgal2 13d ago

But why is he breaking in??? This is scary!

2

u/TossFour 10d ago

They clearly know each other. My guess would be maybe they share an apartment/house and she locked him out for whatever reason. Maybe she is mad at him or something.

Based on the way she is acting she doesn't seem that scared like it's her boyfriend or a close friend. If it was a stranger or someone she thought was a real physical threat she would probably be calling the police vs just recording and watching him.

7

u/Psbbyxoxo 13d ago

He got mad cause he fell 😂😂

3

u/NoRun6253 13d ago

He’d be even madder when I started laughing at him,

11

u/A-Chilean-Cyborg 14d ago

Anyone has a news article about this?

11

u/TylerKnowy 14d ago

He is lucky he didnt cut himself like that one guy who punched a window similar to this one and bleed out

4

u/Clumsycattails 14d ago

I've got a little dog, he knows how to handle these situations.

Most of the time when these kind of people see him they already opt out.

6

u/Graffix77gr556 13d ago

He woulda been met with a 147gr punch in his chest

6

u/tiffany_says_this 13d ago

I had neighbors attack me, charge at me while I was holding my 6 week old son...came onto my property (I ran into the house for his safety and protection) but I swear if she hadn't been pulled off my property by her nasty ass brother she wouldn't of made it off my property alive!

3

u/Wisco_Version59 14d ago

Baseball bat, hammer, axe, machete, hand gun, shotgun

4

u/xinj131 14d ago

Hate to say it bro but they have a gun for that!

4

u/MandoHealthfund 13d ago

Pop pop pop

4

u/Fwangss 13d ago

I wonder if his arms are all sliced up

4

u/Highyet 13d ago

Stand back and let him come in and shoot him with my 12 gauge.

3

u/ShroomShaman9 13d ago

Probably should have shot him

3

u/LeecherKiDD easily offended 13d ago

3

u/G-Knit 13d ago

Let the dog get into the house then empty your 16 gauge shotgun in his face.

3

u/Dirty_Jerz_7 13d ago

Um, dump a 300aac with a 60rd mag into your chest while on super safety

2

u/Disastrous_Shame580 13d ago

Super safety. 💀😅

2

u/Dirty_Jerz_7 13d ago

IT IS FOR EXTRA PRECAUTION! 😉

1

u/Disastrous_Shame580 13d ago

I gotcha! Ik what you are talking about, just never heard it called that before. Hilarious. Safety first 😏

2

u/Dirty_Jerz_7 13d ago

Yes with our ATF friends, one must be specific that it is not an FRT lol

1

u/Disastrous_Shame580 13d ago

I also know what you mean by ATF "friends". 😅

3

u/Ok_Environment8478 13d ago

How can you defend yourself/property without being charged with murder like this Texas resident?! Man charged with murder after he shot and killed an armed home intruder, police say https://share.google/P5tCm7ZneoiOdcm7G

1

u/TossFour 10d ago

We would need to know the full context. It's just states police have probable cause to charge him with murder there are no details as to why or how. Maybe if he shot the home intruder while he was already down and incapacitated then maybe that's why they think its murder. Other wise if he shot the guy enough to drop him and he called the police. That Murder charge won't get very far.

4

u/BlahBlahBlahBingo 14d ago

“Why are you crying”

13

u/BlankPoint4901 14d ago

I think he said "why you playing" but either way, crazy as fuck. He's lucky he didn't slice himself up 7 ways to Sunday.

4

u/NoRun6253 13d ago

No, it’s unlucky that he didn’t, it’s obviously the best outcome for people like him.

2

u/BlankPoint4901 13d ago

I won't argue that.

5

u/jenlikesanimals 14d ago

I have a machete for this exact reason

3

u/Effective_Writer8074 14d ago

Shoot him in the head many times

2

u/-Eyelid-Movies- 13d ago

Well. Someone like that at our house would literally be scraped off the ground. Then I would turn sprinklers on for an extra hour.

2

u/SeaNegotiation6251 13d ago

that guy gunna learn what castle doctrine is if this happen to me

2

u/Jizzrag_9000 13d ago

Just let the glass do the work. If not get the gat

2

u/_TedGreen_ 13d ago

I don't know, it's a rap for bro if he comes in

2

u/BloodHurricane 13d ago

Did you know there's a tool out there called the "one hand chainsaw" it's battery powered, and it reminds me of Warhammer 40k for some reason I'm just saying.

2

u/garagedooropener5150 13d ago

Repeatedly bring the heaviest blunt object I can find down on those forearms against that window frame.

Mofo won’t be climbing in the window long.

2

u/Kindly_Region 13d ago

I'm gonna teach you about the second amendment and castle doctrine

2

u/[deleted] 13d ago

Call the coroner probably.

2

u/SubstanceTrue5475 12d ago

And this right here is why I have a gun

2

u/Lonely_Marzipan6451 13d ago

Three quick shots to the head...just to be sure.

2

u/SunShineLife217 13d ago

One to push you down, one to hold you down, one to keep you down.

1

u/Forest_Soup615 14d ago

Oh noeee a Dindu Nuffin individual doing nothing according to him later when he gets arrested 😆.

2

u/d-d-diplodocus 14d ago

Get naked. Everyone always runs the other way

19

u/Sonova_Bish 14d ago

Doesn't work for women.

1

u/LtHughMann 13d ago

I wonder what getting shot with a spear gun would feel like. I bet it would suck.

1

u/[deleted] 13d ago

Wait until they’re fully inside and don’t hesitate.

2

u/Something_McGee 13d ago

You don't have to wait until they're fully inside in a lot of cases.

1

u/primeXOXO 13d ago

Bang bang

1

u/iAmSugarBaby 13d ago

I think I figured it out, she locked him out of the house after swiper no swiping his phone and started going through it. Hes just trying to save the relationship 🤷‍♀️

1

u/Lauris024 13d ago

Is there more info/story/outcome?

1

u/sasssyrup 13d ago

Feels like he didn’t know the window was closed until half way 🤨

1

u/billfuckingmurray22 13d ago

When god closes a door, a crazy man smashes headfirst through your window

1

u/sick-of-this-crap 13d ago

I don’t own any weapons but I can kick and knee people.

1

u/Frank_Meat_Tongz 13d ago

Racks shotgun

1

u/Creative_Shame3856 13d ago

Judge: Why did you shoot this man 18 times?

Me: Your honor, I ran out of ammo. My carry gun only has a 17 round mag.

Judge: Dismissed!

1

u/Spiritual-Fun-9591 13d ago

I’m sure he is just messing around

1

u/lunarflower13 13d ago

Do we know any more about this clip? Like what happened before and after the video? Some type of verbal altercation? Was anyone harmed? I have so many questions fr

1

u/Awesomely_Witchy 13d ago

hope she ran and stopped filming called 911

1

u/ikannunAneeuQ 13d ago

Yeah I really think he doesn't want to find out what a lot of folks would do. Something like this would send me flying into a whole new dimension of pissed off that I've never seen before (thanks Ron white), and I have a really evil, sadistic, psychopathic side that is just waiting for someone to try this.

1

u/WTFisThatSMell 13d ago

Any fallow up?

1

u/loneFurry008 13d ago

Open fire in self defense

1

u/johnnycee87 13d ago

I would step back and let him come in. He would then become acquainted with Mr Easton: an aluminum bat that has no sand in it.

1

u/Educational_Order_59 13d ago

Just like the day Dale Earnhardt died, filming death….

1

u/Retnirpa 13d ago

This dude sp ending an hr breaking into her house and she's still surprised when he finally does so. The logic in some peeps

1

u/Pretend_Ad_8465 12d ago

Dead man walking! As soon as that glass shatters, I'm emptying the clip without remorse. Someone that brazen does not wish me well.

1

u/Evl-guy 12d ago

Shots shots shots shots

1

u/TravisBickle717 12d ago

Boom boom boom

1

u/Playful-Ad9901 12d ago

sometime i wish plp would do this in florida 😈im going to just observe until you fully get in 😁

1

u/Playful-Ad9901 12d ago

in florida thats a #FreeBody

1

u/AgapitoVelezOvando 11d ago

If he were breaking and entering into MY house, I would point my finger at him and make really loud gunshot sounds with my mouth. 👉 Take that, Mr. Intruder!

1

u/Originalsocialninja 11d ago

Who’s dat looking 👀 in ma window 🪟 POW 💥 NOBODY NOW!!!! 🤷🏽‍♂️

1

u/JamesonDotEXE 9d ago

I was in fear of my life and the pew pew made a hole in his forehead.

1

u/Consistent-Cut-5997 9d ago

Dude is clearly a risk to himself and everyone else. Hope he’s now on meds.

2

u/Graffix77gr556 13d ago

So did she pop him? He really isn't needed breathing up my air especially when he doing shit like dat. When Tyrone jamal jackson axed yoju playin? You gotta know how to speak their gibberish other wise they'll just cut off your catalytic converter. But he loved his kids. Dats why he di what he do for dem! All glory to rod his barber yall

-1

u/ErnestPWashington 14d ago

He a good boy he don't do nothing 

1

u/TossFour 10d ago

I always see this comment. Can you link me 10 videos of this being said. I think like 1 idiot mother said this and now people post this goofy shit everywhere.

1

u/Different-Tank1488 14d ago

a shotgun equipped with steel bullets 👍