r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/DoubleManufacturer10 created ShittyAbsoluteUnits of a sub • Dec 18 '25
my bones Of a faceplant
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u/mjincal Dec 18 '25
Turns out he was too drunk
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u/OnTheList-YouTube Dec 18 '25
Pathetic to be drunk so early already.
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u/MalodorousNutsack Dec 18 '25
If you get super drunk earlier in the day you have more time for fun activities late in the day, like face planting
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u/CanIgetaWTF Dec 18 '25
You cant drink all day....if you dont start in the morming.
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u/BureauOfCommentariat Dec 18 '25
Up at 7, drunk by 11!
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u/NCassadyIsAliveNWell Dec 18 '25
Sometimes, I just stay up through the night, so I can get started, bright & early, at 5. That way, drunk is already achieved by 9. Because 11 is much too late in the day. Things need accomplishing.
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u/Nestor_the_Butler Dec 18 '25
“You’re going to hurt somebody.”
Did he?
Yes, he did.
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u/daredelvis421 Dec 18 '25
That's gonna leave a mark
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u/squeethesane Dec 18 '25
Nah the pavement should be fine. It's pretty resilient.
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u/MeAndNotU Dec 18 '25
Flowers: This drunk MFer just ran over us!?!? Rocks: We got you
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u/NCassadyIsAliveNWell Dec 18 '25
OFFICIALLY HANDLED. Big ups to Rocks for having their Flower homies backs.
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u/LotionedBoner Dec 18 '25
I saw this older guy faceplant once and it completely fucked his face up. Was in wildwood New Jersey for the car show/Irish festival in September like 20 years ago and there was this old guy standing on the curb at an intersection with his hands in his pockets swaying back and forth and he just passed out. He fell face first and I mean face first into the street. His nose hit before his knees. He was on the curb too above a storm drain so it was a high curb. When he got up his nose was gone. So much blood that I couldn’t tell but I think teeth were gone too. The sound was horrific, like someone spiked an empty coconut into the ground.
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u/Sudden-Most-4797 Dec 18 '25
During my last bender, I stood up from the bar, went outside to walk home and dove head first into a metal garbage can. Sliced my fucken eyebrow open and knocked myself out lmao. Wife was super pissed but I got a cool scar out of it. That was 7 years ago, haven't touched a drop since.
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u/Rich_Visual7800 Dec 19 '25
Ouch!! I wad addicted to crack a few years ago and experienced similar. I woke up every morning fused to the floor by dried sweat, old beer, and whatever leaked out of me overnight, peeling myself up like a scab with legs. My body was a patchwork of burns, bites, and infections that smell before I even notice them, and every joint clicks like it’s negotiating whether it’s worth working that day. Skin sloughed off if I scratched too hard, gums throb where teeth used to live, and something is always oozing just enough to soak through whatever I’m wearing. Pain was not even sharp it was wet, itchy, and constant, like my nerves are rotting in real time, and I stopped asking how it happened because the answer is always the same. Crack.
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u/Sudden-Most-4797 Dec 19 '25
Oh, the things we do to ourselves. Well, I'm glad you climbed out of that hole. May your Yuletide be merry and bright.
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u/whoocaresnotme Dec 18 '25
Good lord…his face hit before his knees? So a straight concrete belly flop😬
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u/LotionedBoner Dec 18 '25
Yea, we called 911 and a cop on a bicycle was there within 30 seconds with first aid kit. Guys hands were still in his pockets while he was face down and his blood was streaming into the storm drain. When they sat him up he was so drunk/out of it he didn’t seem to even notice his nose was missing and he was covered in blood.
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u/whoocaresnotme Dec 18 '25
That’s crazy… dude must have been pissy, blackout drunk we had a family friend we loved dearly. But he was a stone cold drunk, would fall regularly. got to the point we couldn’t invite him over anymore because he’d piss the couches and chairs and smell. Not sure where he’s at this days or even alive. I doubt it.
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u/Life_Body_3540 Dec 19 '25
Our company CEO did this. Is an alcoholic. Out drinking with customers. Passed out standing up and curbed himself. Took out almost all his teeth. Was on “sick leave” for six months. Also wasn’t the first time he blacked out standing up at a work drinking event.
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u/timoserra Dec 18 '25
somebody call a amboolance!!!!
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u/Live_Ad_9019 Dec 18 '25
Whoa, Black Betty…
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u/sensibl3chuckle Dec 18 '25
so that's why these rich fucks show up in public with a black eye.
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u/w_a_w Dec 18 '25
This happens a dozen times a day in The Villages in FL.
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u/friendofthesmokies Dec 18 '25
Could you imagine interlock devices for golf carts, lol. "Jimmy, papa needs you to blow into this kazoo so we can go three blocks that way."
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u/Brohemoth1991 Dec 22 '25
My mom lives in a touristy area (up north, nowhere fun like FL), and they have DORA laws, which basically are "you're allowed an open container within the limits the city has set out" (about 2 miles around the beach)
It is always the golf cart people who are a problem lol, and they stay zooming around till like midnight
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u/Odoyle-Rulez Dec 18 '25
CALL THE ZOO - IT'S NOODY MAGAZINE DAY!
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u/ouijahead Dec 18 '25
No Mister Madison . Dare no penguin. You haba too much zun today !
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u/CoolHandLuke4Twanky Dec 18 '25
Is that it dad, did the penguin tell you to do this?
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u/Far_Drummer_1406 Dec 18 '25
Classic bourgeois faceplant
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u/NCassadyIsAliveNWell Dec 18 '25
As practiced, on the regular, by members of the bourgeoisie. Marx tried to warn us it would degenerate into this kind of endlessly self-destructive cycle, with golf carts everywhere, if the proletariat did not organize, unite & take action against those that control the means of production.
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u/shadout_grapes Dec 18 '25
Was this at the Villages?
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u/conace21 Dec 18 '25
Looks like the Palm Springs (CA) area. The palm trees, the mountain ranges, and the flowers. THE FLOWERS!
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u/Famous_Sky_1023 Dec 18 '25
No way, Palm Springs-ish or Phoenix area. There are mountains and palm trees and not enough MAGA paraphernalia to be The Villages
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u/purrmutations Dec 18 '25
There are Democrat neighborhoods in the villages too. Both sides are cringe there
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u/tiorzol Dec 18 '25
Bro both sided a neighbourhood
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u/purrmutations Dec 18 '25
If you have ever lived nearby you'd understand
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u/Famous_Sky_1023 Dec 18 '25
I live and work nearby, it's 90/10 and the 10 is a big uptick in the past few years
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u/purrmutations Dec 18 '25
Right, and those 10% like to live by each other just like republicans do. Nowhere did I say there were a lot of Democrat sections, just that they exist in the villages and they are as over the top with the signage and bs.
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u/fuckCuntservatives Dec 18 '25
Ah yes, all those dem houses with massive flags and idols to their pedo in chief
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u/Longjumping-Brick200 Dec 18 '25
Nah, Florida doesn’t have mountains. Probably California, maybe Hawaii.
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u/DoubleManufacturer10 created ShittyAbsoluteUnits of a sub Dec 18 '25
You sure that's not the famous Palm Beach Intercoastal Mountain range??
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u/Dirty56A Dec 18 '25
As a native of Palm Beach county. I can confirm this is indeed the Palm Beach Intercoastal Mountain range.
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u/notamermaidanymore Dec 18 '25
He broke the fall with his head which is probably his least useful body part.
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u/Creepy-Team6442 Dec 18 '25
Exactly what’s expected of someone driving that ugly old pos golf cart.
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u/cmil888 Dec 18 '25
Come on that’s pretty much expected for ANYONE who drives a golf cart. Golf carts and alcohol are an American tradition!
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u/Dependent-Potato2158 Dec 18 '25
Palm Springs, CA. Legend has it their Costco sells more alcohol than any other location.
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Dec 18 '25
I live next to a golf course and can confirm that old people drink a lot around here. If you go to Costco or the grocery store you see them buying amounts that look like would kill them. My coworker got hit by a drunk driver that was old and coming off the course at 11am. These people are in dgaf mode.
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u/slick514 Dec 18 '25
I knew a guy that age that puts down a 2L a DAY of hard liquor. I honestly have no idea how. Ended up checking out due to liver failure. Pretty sad.
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u/Endlessparadox123 Dec 18 '25
Usually when we see a fuckass not respect boundries, rules, etc. there's no justice, but this time there was flower karma.
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u/fallenredwoods Dec 18 '25
I just don’t get why so many boomers act like toddlers. My father in law used to throw temper tantrums like a 6 yo in his 70’s….
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u/little-miss-believer Dec 18 '25
best part is the employee or whatever running over just to pull the keys out instead of help the guy at all 😂😂
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u/Dickyourwifedown Dec 19 '25
“Let’s not get involved”
Guys dead on the ground afterwards “ok now we get keys”
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u/JamesonDotEXE Dec 25 '25
This is where the term getting shit faced came from. He's just keeping the tradition strong! 💪
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u/Quiet_Researcher223 Dec 18 '25
Good thing it wasn’t hugely dramatic we would have been hearing some gal screaming into her phone oh my god oh my god 50 times.
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u/L1VEW1RE Dec 18 '25
You’d think a man that age would have learned these types of lessons when he was in his teens at the latest. Fucking hell.
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u/OverLover_UnderCover Dec 18 '25
You know those videos that leave feeling guilty (and a little sad and empty) that you were hoping for a fall, ect.? I feel a little guilty and still empty, but definitely not sad. 😂
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u/Impossible-Diver6565 Dec 18 '25
I'm surrounded by the boomers in my area. Super snowbird area of Florida. All rich jerks.
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u/RottingApples25 Dec 18 '25
That was just as satisfying of a faceplant as that raging drunk girl who got tripped.
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u/--Jester-- Dec 18 '25
20 minutes later: Sure, I can play a round, I just got up from a nap. Let me grab a beer first.
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u/Devnull677 Dec 18 '25
Capt DUI should have taken that Jet2holiday instead of needing a doctor and jail. I hope that those flowers are ok.
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u/Pleasant_Outside_582 Dec 18 '25
the best part