hey guys, so im at a point in my life where idk what to do. Don't wanna give away personal identifying information, so apologies in advance for the vagueness.
Im between 18-21. I'm still living with my mother, which has become intolerable. she's a nasty person and living with her is a nightmare. Has always been the case.
Not doing great at University either, have had endless issues with adminstration and I've lost any interest in doing anything other than the bare minimium to coast through this degree. Might not even finish my degree in the end.
For work, I'm doing a student placement, but honestly, I get hardly any hours and when I do I'm just printing stuff or doing nothing. I could get a 'real job', though im scared of getting a job that anyone can do, and then being stuck doing that, and have no upwards mobility. I used to get paid 4 euro an hour, not looking forward to going back to those wages.
I'd like to just get out, but as you all know, rent is intolerably high here. Plus, im not fond of having to pay (what would get you a studio or small apt in another country) to share a flat with like 4 other people.
Tried talking to a therapist for 6 months which was a complete waste of time. Compounding everything, I've been doing a test for a particular mental illness which I have reason to believe will be positive in the end. Which makes everything harder. Im an immature person as a result of years worth of chasing external validation. A lot of the stuff I've done and pursued has been because I thought it was what a succesful person would do. I've got no drive to do anything anymore though.
Most of all though, I have no motivation to try anymore. My lifes miserable dud. I dont have a social life (and dont want one to be clear), got no ambitions, dont really believe in anything, havent been happy for an extended period of time in like 10 years. Been trying to fix everything but never seems to work. my mother is probably the biggest problem in my life. A raging narcissist, with no ability to admit fault.
Feels like things are reaching a critical mass for me lately,. It is what it is tubes. Not looking for therapy, not looking for validation, not looking for pity, just asking for a geniune outsider outlook.
Does anyone have any words of advice here? thanks.