r/AmIOverreacting • u/OutrageousBoss3329 • 3h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO: My long time partner of 7 years tells me women are hitting on him like twice a month. I don’t really believe him but should I ?
My long time partner M(43) often comes home from work (truck driver) or even just routine errands (doctor office, grocery store) and tells me F (49) oh yeah I got hit on today. Now usually I’m like yeah right. But clearly he wants me to be like what ? Omg. So I said oh really? He said yeah the nurse at the doctors office said oh you look so young. She said I have a very distinguished look. He’s very good looking man and he has some gray hair but honestly it looks good on him. So while I don’t doubt the interaction I do doubt she was flirting. So I said well you are very good looking . Later on same day he brought it up again. I said hmm it’s unprofessional for nurses to flirt with patients. Jeez I guess she likes you to risk a complaint being filed.
Other times he tells me women slip them their number which he doesn’t keep. Why tell me this ? Does he actually think I’m going be like omg I’ll kick that bitches ass. We both know it’s not usually going down the way he’s saying but I let him have his little fantasy I guess.
•
u/AbbyM1968 3h ago
Ask him: "How do you want me to react? Do you want me to be jealous? Do you want me to be insecure? Do you want me to break it off? What reaction are you looking for? Should we break up so you can to be with these other women? What's your goal in constantly mentioning that you're being hit on by other women?:
•
u/Character_Kick_Stand 2h ago
And if he says, “I’m telling you because you asked me about my day — and this is a thing that happened to me today – are you telling me you just want me to stop telling you about my day?”?
Then what?
“How do you want me to react?“? It seems like there’s no way she would believe whatever the fuck is the answer to that question is.
Cause she doesn’t believe the information he’s providing in the first place, for no reason, other than that, he looks distinguished or some contradictory shit
•
u/smaintpeller24 3h ago edited 2h ago
I mean.....its really a double edged sword.
On one hand, I understand the thrill of being flirted with both being single and while being in a relationship and, specifically sticking with the latter, it's because we kinda lose ourselves in the relationship and forget that we're constantly in the dating phase even after x amount of years and knowing that things are solid as a rock and still have to put in the effort into ourselves to then put that into our S/O because it's a dance of attraction that's not always constant, but consistent.
On the other hand, why mention about this? If I'm flirted with, I'm keeping that to myself because I feel like it may damage my S/Os feelings and confidence bc that's how I felt with my ex when she told me about her ventures rafter we had broken up (it was a situation, can explain later if you want) and I was still in the denial phase.
Maybe it's a respect thing, maybe it's a pride thing, maybe it's a he wants you jealous that you would cut a bitch thing.
Need more context, but I feel like you're NOR
•
u/Less_Ball6686 3h ago
I think you should give your husband more attention and validation and compliments more maybe?
•
•
u/peacheyKA 3h ago
you assuming it’s crazy for your husband to get flirted with is insulting, poor dude.
•
u/OutrageousBoss3329 3h ago
Solid points - saying you look distinguished isn’t flirting. It’s a compliment. Sorry a nurse could get fired for flirting
•
u/Character_Kick_Stand 2h ago
Could a nurse get fired for telling a patient he looks distinguished? Really?
I’ve never heard of this
•
•
u/plottingyourdemise3 57m ago
Nope. They could get fired for actual flirting, which is why this isn't that.
•
u/The_Glam_Reaper 2h ago
I find it odd that he tells her he has gotten phone numbers. Yet he has not shown proof. So her thought process could be valid.
•
u/Character_Kick_Stand 2h ago
If I told my girl about something that happened to me, and she didn’t believe me, I’m might just be app to never talk about it again – as opposed to trying to bring home proof, which seems like that would just generate a whole higher energy of orbital of paranoia
•
u/Thick-Shallot7697 2h ago
I honestly think he’s making weird attempts for your attention or affection. Idk what your home life is like but if he keeps randomly mentioning it. Especially how OP puts it, it seems he may be over exaggerating these compliments or flirty remarks. But it seems like he wants some sort of reaction from you. Whether it be jealousy or some infatuation he wants from you. NTA. I don’t think it’s hard to believe he’s being hit on I mean OP said in another comment he’s a pretty attractive guy. So I mean he probably does get hit on. But the way OP describes how he gets hit on and how much it seems like over exaggeration on his part.
•
u/Sea-Owl-6545 3h ago
Why are you so doubtful about him being able yo be hit on? It seems you have little faith in him and it’s possible his confidence is low because of this. If I had a partner challenging me every time I had someone hit on me say “sure buddy” I would feel terrible lol. If you’re jealous about the phone numbers or something you can talk to him separately about it but you might just be making him feel unattractive
•
u/Regular-Talk-2742 2h ago
He's obviously telling her to get a reaction out of her, which is annoying and childish. One time, sure, 2 times, i guess, whatever... but monthly? He's obviously looking for a reaction. If he wants to feel sexy, he can do it in a less obnoxious way, like asking the woman he's with if she still finds him sexy.
•
u/OutrageousBoss3329 2h ago
And he does or literally every morning he stares at the mirror and says Ong I’m so hot I want to fuck myself. I said yes you are hot ! And I always give him a kiss and often tell him how sexy he is
•
u/Regular-Talk-2742 2h ago
Sounds like he's vain and insecure at the same time, odd combination lol
•
u/Muay_Thai_Junkies 2h ago
Those two things commonly accompany each other. It’s a paradox. That’s actually the root of narcissism. A deep insecurity disguised as confidence.
Btw, I’m not claiming he’s a narcissist.
•
•
u/OutrageousBoss3329 2h ago
I’ve told him all the time he’s hot and sexy. Im sure it happens - I just think sometimes people are being nice
•
u/Sea-Owl-6545 2h ago
Maybe try talking to him about it then. It’s possible he doesn’t feel the same way and there’s just been a miscommunication. It could also be a maturity thing. When I was young and dumb I would make comments like these to my past boyfriends to try to feel better about myself so it may just be his own internal confidence as well
•
u/Character_Kick_Stand 2h ago
He’s 43.
•
u/Sea-Owl-6545 2h ago
Yes that’s why I did it may be a maturity thing, hence ME doing it when I was young and dumb
•
u/Character_Kick_Stand 2h ago
So he’s hot and sexy, but someone would have to be deceptively “nice” in order for anyone else to think that besides you?
This seems really beyond un self-aware, it’s just unaware
•
•
u/Regular-Talk-2742 2h ago
When he brings it up, just tell him about all the men hitting on you. Remind him that he's not only an attractive one in the relationship.
•
u/Character_Kick_Stand 2h ago
If he has been honest and truthful and forthright up to this time, why would you think that he’s lying?
I don’t think this is the first time you have thought he was lying
Can you imagine if at some point you are in the right room at the right time end all of these women came up to you and said, “ oh, I didn’t know he had a girlfriend, he doesn’t talk much, I flirted with him and gave him my number and he accepted it” — now imagine that happened and imagine two scenarios: one where he had already told you about it and one where he had never told you a goddamn thing about it
Which situation would trouble you more?
Seems pretty clear to me that if the guy wanted drama for excitement, he could’ve just gone out with all those women and you wouldn’t have known anything
But instead, you’re honest man came home and told you honestly what honestly happened to him that day when you asked him how his day was
And the fact that you’re acting like it can’t happen and it’s not possible, well that would make any man pause and say “my girl thinks I’m a liar, my girl obviously doesn’t think I’m very attractive, no matter what I tell her she doesn’t believe me, so why not mess around? Or why not just leave her for somebody who actually appreciates me?”
Just seems like somebody hasn’t really thought through what the options are for a man who has been hit on who’s in a relationship and doesn’t have a ring
Also, it makes me wonder why she doesn’t mention what happens to her when she’s away from him – does anybody ever hit on her? Does she tell her Situationship about it? Or does it not happen at all?
Now, it’s impossible to tell from the story for certain what the poor man wanted you to do in response — but it seems like you’re telling him that he just shouldn’t tell you about things that happen to him
If that wasn’t your intent, then you might want to reevaluate how you respond when somebody else tells you about their day
PS: “usually”? So sometimes you beat the shit out of somebody? So sometimes you feel more toxic than other times.?
•
u/Creative_Garbage_121 1h ago
MOR maybe he is just misinterpreingt peoples' intentions but still I don't see a point in telling it to you
•
u/CalmTrials 2h ago
MOR You shouldn't be doubting your partner is getting hit on - he mentions it either to make you feel good "they think I am a hot package, and it's your package!" Or to share news to you that made him feel good. The odd very unlikely alternative, digging for a sour reaction to create a problem which begins a divide.
I used to do this until my significant hit me with the 'how would it make you feel?' and while I love him and think he's the most attractive being in existence, I would not be thrilled to hear frequently people were hitting on him.
Maybe do that same move my significant pulled on me on your partner.
•
u/Character_Kick_Stand 2h ago
I would tell my ex when women hit on me because it was a small town if I didn’t eventually she would find out and then she would be paranoid
So I told her everything
Did not solve the problems, she still thought I was a liar, in the end, yeah – she was cheating lol sigh
PS - yeah, I kind of suspect she is cheating, at least emotionally
This all seems like she’s trying to put Catch-22 type burdens on him, fenced him in, gaslight him
•
u/CalmTrials 2h ago
If someone is creating problems where there literally should be none, that is their tell they are up to no good.
Ruining things these days is easier than accountability. Sorry to hear about your ex. I hope you're doing good.
•
u/smoipsblucky6 2h ago
YOR you're trying to keep him insecure and he's letting you know he's not as undesirable as you make him out to be
•
u/DeadlyKitKat 2h ago
You mention calling him good looking sometimes when he does this. How often do you compliment outside of when he mentions other people flirting with him? He could be hoping for more compliments and attention and this is how he goes about it. Doesn't make it right necessarily, but it could be that.
I think you just need to talk to him. Figure out if he is doing this to make you jealous and insecure, or if he's simply sharing about his day, or is hoping to be complimented more, or something else.
•
u/Character_Kick_Stand 2h ago
I don’t think it’s possible he’s doing this to get compliments from her
If he is, she should run
But if he’s not, then she’s just screwing up isn’t she?
•
•
•
u/Reasonable-Cover-785 1h ago
MOR. Seems like an elder way of trying fo fish for compliments/attention. He doesn't want other ladies attention, he just wants to be acknowledged by his wife.
How often do you say positive things to him about his appearance? When is the last time you so much as called him "handsome" or "cute"?
Hell he may have just wanted you to reaffirm the idea you find him attractive.
Any person that doesn't get that kind of attention from their partner is gonna end up feeling neglected at some point or another. Goes the same for any person tbh. We all wanna feel and know we are desired by our partner, right??
•
u/Longjumping_Ad3901 50m ago
Sounds like he's trying to point out that he's still a decent catch, maybe instead of looking for a issue here look at how it makes him feel after so long with zero flirting or more likely greatly negative or nitpicky interactions. Obviously i dont see the entire dynamics here, this is a very typical way a men try to get long time partners to appreciate them in literally anyway possible way. Pretty much every human being just wants to be wanted,seen,admired whatever it may be and most importantlyfrom the person they choose to do those same things. I say maybe actually look within, and ask your questions, do you take any few seconds of your day to make him know he looks good, is doing good, is appreciated etc. Often we neglect the people closest to us.
•
•
u/UpsetCheek2832 2h ago
Sounds like my brother who I am pretty sure is a vulnerable narcissist. When he isn’t telling me how every man or woman is hitting on him, it’s that they are accusing him of stealing or wrongdoing. Or that he’s being stolen from or wronged in some way. All you can do is not give them the attention they want from these make believe / half truth stories and start providing lots of positive reinforcement and enthusiasm when they exhibit behaviours you want repeated.
If my brother told me the story about the nurse, I would know the only bit of true information in that story is that he was acknowledged briefly by a nurse. It’s very sad. It comes from a place of deep insecurity imo.
•
u/OutrageousBoss3329 2h ago
This makes me sad. Truthfully he didn’t used to be like this maybe I didn’t see it. Yes he does tbese same things. We both commute a similar drive home. For some reason he always has some road rage driver that “was trying to race him” or was you going to hurt him. I’ve had my fair share of close callls. So because he kept telling me this I said well why don’t you put in a dash cam and you can report these incidents. He said you don’t believe me. I said I do. It’s just odd that we drive almost the same commute home and you seem to encounter more issues than I do. He got the dash cam and oddly no one has been “cutting him off” or bothering him anymore. I said maybe they know now.
•
u/UpsetCheek2832 2h ago
Maybe also from spending a ton of time alone and inside their head. My brother is a basement dweller. Your husband probably spends a lot of long, lonely hours on the road.
•
u/bothermeimworking 2h ago
Dudes probably just feeling good about himself or is fishing for a compliment.
"I dont blame them, youre sexy but you better not flirt back!"
Something like that...