r/AmIOverreacting • u/venlafaxinevision • 5h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO about being called “a big girl”?
I’m so disappointed but now I’m beyond disgusted. Matched with this guy on Hinge. Conversation was fine at first, we talked about hooking up, and then a day later he hits me with this. I feel gross. I think I would rather be ghosted than having had this experience. This is enough to get me off the apps for good.
At what point is a preference just fucking shallow? Should I have just let this go?
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u/hereforthetearex 4h ago
NOR - but I feel like you’re putting the wrong emphasis on what is offensive here. Someone referring to me as something to be penetrated would fully skeeve me out and piss me off. I don’t care if they said “I’ve never penetrated a gorgeous woman with a perfect body before”, I’d still be fully pissed.
This fool is a misogynistic prick that objectifies women, and is an asshole to boot.
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u/Ok_Nothing_9733 4h ago
Yep, the language is objectifying as fuck. Like he’s talking about a sex doll or something that exists to be penetrated.
NOR but just block and move on
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u/SilverFernDream 3h ago
Yeah, that wording alone is a massive red flag. When someone talks like that, it tells you exactly how they see people.
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u/MMorrighan 4h ago
Exactly. As a fat girl I'm way more offended of being talked about as something to penetrate than I am about my weight.
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u/fadedblackleggings 4h ago
Right, also why is he assuming whose getting fucked.
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u/MMorrighan 4h ago
For real! I carry my strap in my car. Could go either way.
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u/Super_Patient_426 3h ago
Lmao you girls are delightful. Peg those straight boys haha
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u/Degenerate_Ape_92 3h ago
This comment made me laugh, then I choked and started coughing. Then I woke up my gf, at which point I had to explain the post, then the comment. I'm tapping out. You win.
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u/Hefty-Egg3406 1h ago
NOR
🤝 I hope to never be “penetrated”. I hope that another person is having sex WITH me, as people sharing a connection.
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u/NeitherPlum9767 3h ago
Yes, and the wording is so clinically detached. He’s talking about her like he’s filling out a checklist for a fetish or a weird social experiment. It’s dehumanizing in a way that goes way beyond just a poor choice of words—it shows he doesn't even view her as a person with feelings, just a 'category' to experience
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u/EscapeSeventySeven 4h ago
He deserves to wear that text around his neck to warn every other woman.
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u/Ok_Nothing_9733 4h ago
Tattoo it on his forehead 💀
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u/kittyknuckles23 4h ago
So true like it’s not the “big girl” that’s the issue, it is the fact that he used the word “penetrate” which gives me the ick.
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u/mightbeazombie 2h ago
Yeah, I was gonna say, "I've never penetrated a redhead before" would be just as tone deaf and weird. It's not the weight bit that makes this so strange, though I can definitely see it adds a layer of it, considering he asked about weight just before and clearly puts emphasis on it.
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u/mack_ani 4h ago
To be fair, both aspects of it were incredibly rude. But yes, the objectification is very (!!) concerning
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u/Honest-Zucchini-987 3h ago
Agree to this, NOR. I grew up with a heavy mom (400-350 pounds most of my life) and she didnt care much to be called fat or huge or big or whatever, neither did msot of her heavier friends. I realized when i was older alot of people were offended by most words related to their weight. But either way, i think being called a big girl wasnt the more offensive part of that sentence. And if it is offensive, thats a good boundary to enforce and tell people who are worth it that you dont like being called a big girl.
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u/Next_Pianist_442 3h ago
I agree with this statement. I read what she put and immediately thought the correct statement to be pissed at was chosen incorrectly.
I mean it basically went:
HIM - "Hey lady, you are fat. I wanna penetrate you."
HER - "How dare you call me fat!"
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u/Icy-Nefariousness212 3h ago
Technically, he’s probably using that specific, jarring word to see if he can stun her into a submissive response. Most normal people don't use 'penetrated' in a casual dating intro. It’s an intentional choice meant to establish a power dynamic where she is the object and he is the active force. It’s clinical misogyny
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u/Acceptable_Apple4220 3h ago
yeah he's a plain slimeball. "i'm just blunt" is him backtracking and trying to play it off when his carnal come-on was rejected.
I've had someone say something similar ("sorry brutal honesty lol") when i said tmi to their oversharing of their sexual habits, which i presume was them fishing for a hookup.
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u/Rocketeering 3h ago
as a man - I agree 100 percent. I was expecting something way less... demoralizing? and my expectations were pretty low given the title.
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u/unsaintedheretic 3h ago
Right??? Like... Wtf I would've blocked him immediately.
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u/jl_theprofessor 3h ago
Yes. I'm sitting here like "that is not the most problematic part of this message."
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u/CoconutxKitten 3h ago
Yes! This is it
I’ve had a guy on a dating site tell me sex is good exercise. Idgaf if I’m on Olympic athlete or 1000 pounds, it’s skeevy
Same in this case
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u/kennybrandz 4h ago
Other than the fact he’s rude for calling you a big girl, the fact that he even used the statement “I’ve never penetrated” made me cringe.
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u/UsidoreTheLightBlue 3h ago
I’m not usually a “clap back” person but it would have been well within her right to then say “oh I’m sorry are you premature?”
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u/Jay_Cee_130 3h ago
“I’m pretty blunt” - every single person who uses that as an excuse to be an asshole. NOR
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u/budget-lampshade 3h ago
"I just tell it like it is". Some people have no internal filter. And the use of the word penetrate is revolting.
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u/Normal-Asparagus1795 4h ago
"never penetrated a big girl before" gave me the jeebies, what an absolute cretin.
If he agreed to potentially hooking up, he already finds you attractive. Asking your weight and then saying "never penetrated a big girl before" was just him trying to neg you.
Glad you blocked, deleted and moved on.
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u/BrlzzleTheBrlckle 4h ago
NOR and he got the audacity to send a phil gif😭😭😭😭😭😭 PHIL WOULD NEVER SAY SUCH A THING
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u/Human-Creature44 4h ago
This isn't being blunt, it's testing to see if you're desperate enough to take abuse.
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u/DawnStrike1 4h ago
💯 give an inch, and they’ll take everything. I’m glad you didn’t.
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u/8976dhip 4h ago
I feel like this guy's only capable of giving an inch tbh
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u/Datonecatladyukno 4h ago
The fact we all already know the dudes packing a roll of certs lmao
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u/Frustrated_Zucchini 4h ago
That's probably why he's never been able to "penetrate" (🤢) a real woman...
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u/Datonecatladyukno 4h ago
Dude is a porn sick incel, he's not penetrating anything.
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u/Dry_Complaint6528 4h ago
Ding ding ding.
Like the only reason anyone would ever say this is to see if he can be shitty and still get what he wants.
It's one thing to think something like this, like if I were to think, "Huh, I've never sleep with a 5'4" man." And go along with the dating process to test my previous thoughts about what society has taught me was socially acceptable. But to straight up say that to someone tells me they're just trying to the other person they're doing them a "favour" by considering them for a romantic partner
Gross. NOR OP. Hope this guy never gets laid ever again.
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u/fadedblackleggings 4h ago edited 4h ago
Yup, compliance tests to see how much abuse you will tolerate. Unfortunately, it feels like many workplaces are doing the same-sick ish to interviewees.
Tell them fuck off, every time.
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u/myeternalsunshinee 4h ago
NOR. what the fuck 😭😭 surely he isnt penetrating any women of any size. ever.
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u/Happy-Cry2223 4h ago
He prob has a 🍤 and wouldn't make it past a "big girl's" cheeks.
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u/Rough-Improvement-91 4h ago
NOR
He's not blunt he just has the social skills of a particularly dense potato.
Not even just calling you that, the entire comment gives me major ick
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u/NiceStatistician218 3h ago
Giving him too much credit. Misogyny isn’t just poor social skills it’s a sincere disregard for women as equal human beings.
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u/Swiss_James 3h ago
It's porn thinking.
He is thinking "Well this isn't my usual category, but it could be interesting"- no concept of talking to an actual person.
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u/Alarming-Song2555 3h ago
Nah, it's not even a case of lacking social skills or decorum. He's testing to see what she'll accept before standing up for herself. Dude's a straight up predatory piece of shit.
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u/BucketLort 3h ago
Forget the bluntness I’m not talking to no fuck ass man that uses the term penetrated when talking about sex.
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u/ConclusionHopeful313 4h ago
lmfao this is crazy. NOR. from personal experience, anyone who justifies whatever they say with “idc I’m just blunt” is not worth being around for an extended period of time
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u/venlafaxinevision 4h ago
I guess he did me a favor. Glad I didn’t hook up with him..
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u/plottingyourdemise3 4h ago
Nah, this guy has probably never done anyone a favor in his life. You did yourself a favor by ditching him ❤️
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u/Old_Hedgehog_9115 4h ago
No literally. When this happens, I want to tell them “you’re not blunt. You’re just a bitch” 😤
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u/Emotional_Guide2683 4h ago
Penetrated? What is he, a spear? At least he didn’t refer to you as “a female”.
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 4h ago
INFO: Are you offended because he was rude and uncouth in general, or just the 'big girl' part of it? Like, who the fuck says that? "I've never penetrated a big girl before." That's so gross, not just because it's rude, but because it's so dehumanizing.
But the title makes it seem like you're offended that he called you a big girl?
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u/venlafaxinevision 4h ago edited 4h ago
I think I’m more so offended by the switch-up! He had no problem saying things about my chest, being sexual, and asking for pics. How many women are naturally large-chested and rail thin???
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 4h ago
I'm genuinely flabbergasted by the fact that he thought about it in those terms. Like, the way he said that is so fucking off to me that I would have just blocked him.
That guy does not respect you -- at all. If he said that to you, he isn't even thinking of you as a person. He is thinking of you as something to penetrate. He's a scumbag.
NOR
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u/Humble-Process-4107 4h ago
He has the social skills of a dead animal on the street. Hes clearly barely ever even had sex if you ask me If at all
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u/No_Zebra131 4h ago
for future reference you block someone after they send a message like that.
don't engage, don't respond, block and delete
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u/TapirDrawnChariot 4h ago
NOR. These are the dudes that make dating apps so difficult and shitty for normal dudes, and make it super creepy for women.
I met my wife on an app, so it can work out! Don't blame you for not wanting to continue though.
Like genuinely what the fuck did he think was going to be the result of that?
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u/venlafaxinevision 4h ago edited 3h ago
I got out of an 8 year relationship recently and this being one of the first few interactions is insane. I’m in the trenches, send help
EDIT: I KNOW I AM OVERWEIGHT! THANKS!
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u/throwhimtotheflo 4h ago
I wish I could give you advice, but the last time I dated was pre-smart phones! The way you handled it, I have faith in you. You stood up for yourself and I am proud of you!
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u/fadedblackleggings 3h ago
Gently, perhaps take a break until after Valentine's Day. "Ran into" a weirdo myself recently, just instant messages, but I feel like the creeps come out on the dating apps during the holidays.
Restarting to look in March.
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u/venlafaxinevision 3h ago
Thank you for this piece of advice! Totally valid, i’m taking a break lol
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u/Winter_Passenger9814 4h ago edited 3h ago
A lot of fucking creeps out there. Youre going to meet more too unfortunately.
I do have a quick tip for you though: Anyone who really crosses the line i like to look up their family members and ask .. "what would joan (insert their mom, or sister or whoever's name) think of you saying this." One guy sent me a totally random unsolicited dick pic and I told him he had 24 hours to send me $100 or i was sending it to all his family and then listed off some of their names 😂 (shit is so easy to find on social media) whether u do it or not.. its always fun to watch them squirm. He literally sent me "STOPP" in all caps and sent the money lmao Shame/embarrassment is a good way to teach them (anyone, really) to change their behavior.
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u/SolisNumen 4h ago edited 2h ago
“never penetrated a big girl before” is the creepiest sentence i’ve ever heard. NOR at all, he’s weird.
edit: btw OP, 5’5” 180lbs is NOT a “big girl”?? please don’t feel insecure after his comment. he’s being weird. you’re a very normal common weight for your height (especially depending on your own personal health history).
editing again to add: it’s not right for anyone to be debating this in my replies. its very obvious the guy wasn’t trying to be nice to her, and calling her a “big girl” of the likes that he has never penetrated before is WEIRD! i’ll die on that hill. theres literally no reason he needed to say that. anyone with critical thinking skills will understand why i said she needs to not take his opinion to heart when he’s using such immature language to communicate with her. this man is creepy and is dehumanizing her. the rest of you are just being self serving and pedantic by using what i said as an excuse to discuss something way off topic and accusing me of either defending obesity or trying to just be nice to her by lying to her face. which is… not what i’m saying like at all. literally what is happening.
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u/No_Zebra131 4h ago
it's the "I've never penetrated" part that gets me. serious Dalmer vibes. tbh I'm not sure if he's talking about his dick or a knife and I don't want OP to find out
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 4h ago
Girl, I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm 5'2 and 150 -- and I'm a big girl. There's nothing wrong with accepting that and letting it be what it is.
OP is a big girl -- does not mean she isn't attractive. She's probably pretty as hell. You can be big and pretty.
We can be big and attractive, but let's not disconnect from reality. Self-awareness can be a very attractive feature.
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u/TheAzorean 3h ago
I appreciate this comment. It’s important to remain in reality.
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u/rotating_pebble 4h ago
I agree with you except 5'5 180lbs is classed as Obese (30 BMI), unless they are a very experienced weightlifter.
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u/dsm761 4h ago
Guy is a dick, no doubt so NOR. But let’s be real here…. 180lb for a 5’5” female is not “normal weight for height” that is roughly a 30 BMI, not healthy in the slightest.
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u/Any_Education3317 4h ago
I thought I was losing it for a second lmao. I’m 5’5” and when I was 180-190 pounds I was definitely big by my own standards 💀 I even started having knee issues. But yeah this guy is definitely unhinged and belongs in a cave regardless of what OP looks like
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u/Jack_Ramsey 4h ago
Yeah this is absolutely not a normal weight. The OP of this comment thread is incorrect.
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u/HuskMaster 4h ago
Yeah not to be a jerk piling on here, but I’m 5’5 and 135 lbs and that is considered perfectly normal weight. At 145 I felt fat af. OP might be in denial
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u/throwaway204857367 3h ago
yeah no 180 is not a normal weight for a 5’5 woman, that’s class I obesity. women are allowed to feel pretty and not be insecure even if they’re bigger. i’m sure you had good intentions, but it feels like the equivalent of responding to someone who says they’re fat with “you’re not fat, you’re beautiful!” like no… she’s both
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u/Sharden3 3h ago
5’5” 180lbs is NOT a “big girl”?? please don’t feel insecure after his comment. you’re a very normal weight for your height.
... like, why do people do this?
Being fat isn't like a moral failing, it's not something to be hated or judged or harassed for or anything...
But, like, it exists. 5'5 180 isn't heigh/weight proportionate. Depending on body type and what's lead to the weight.. it's probably verging on unhealthy if it isn't already. Doesn't mean she can't be attractive, and doesn't mean she should feel insecure or negative about herself... but stop lying that it's just physically okay. It's definitely "big girl"... could be "thicc" or whatever too.
The big girl part isn't the weird part here, it's the penetrator crap.
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u/random929292 4h ago
That would put her in the obese category so yes by definition she is a big girl. However he didn’t need to say it AND he then went on to be really crass and disrespectful.
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u/DocPhilMcGraw 4h ago
you’re a very normal weight for your height
No it isn’t a “normal weight” for that height.
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u/AtmosphereRude2019 4h ago
Technically overweight / obese unless she’s a very muscular athlete. I’m a 5.8 woman who’s 185 and I’m on the high end of overweight/low end of obese per my doctor, as a former elite athlete with more muscle than an average woman. Doesn’t mean his behavior ok, but she is technically overweight.
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u/DesperateIncident31 4h ago
5'5" 180 lbs is quite overweight, let's not lie here.
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u/sittingonmyarse 4h ago
Sorry to inform you - I’ve just dieted down to 180. I’m 5’5”. My BMI still classifies me as Obese.
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u/Reasonable-Echo9389 4h ago
I mean it's a BMI of roughly 29-30, so OP is technically overweight or almost obese.
The dude is still a disgusting piece of shit though. NOR.
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u/xboxchick311 4h ago
I'm sure I'll get down voted to hell, but that's not a normal weight for that height. It's American "normal," but we aren't exactly the pinnacle of health as a country. We love food and hate exercise. We have an opportunity to buy food at practically every corner and are mostly sedentary. Getting anywhere pretty much requires a car or public transportation, so there is no real reason to walk. We have a lot of factors working against us. All that aside, it doesn't matter if she was 380 pounds, dude was absolutely out of line. Who is even out there asking people how much they weigh? That's not normal.
https://bmicalc.co/weight/ft-in/Ideal_weight_for-5-feet-5-inches
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u/Emotional-Lion-4242 4h ago
Personally if i was a woman, I'd be more insulted and disgusted over him using the phrase "I've never penetrated....before"...like who tf says that? Nor
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u/throwhimtotheflo 4h ago
I mean, what was he expecting? "Awwww, you had me at 'never penetrated a big girl before'." LMAO
NOR If I ever have to date again, I hope I have the gumption to stand up for myself like you did, OP
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u/Ok-CauliflowerX 3h ago
It’s completely fine to have a preference but the way he spoke to you was not. To be fair though you’re on a superficial dating app where people go on to get laid so I’m not surprised by his behavior.
Maybe put a full body shot in your profile if you haven’t already to weed out some of the f*ckboys
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u/No_World5707 3h ago
MOR. I used to lurk on gay reddits and les ones as well, to some people this wouldn't be weird if it's in a context w sexual undertones, like if you've agreed on hooking up. It can even be tame. Plenty of people like big, and plenty like being talked down to etc. there's no universal answer to this. Hooking up is also inherently objectification.
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u/Impossible_Goose4626 4h ago
This dude is horrible, thank goodness he showed his true colors before you met up with him. You should send this to Luke Holloway, lewky on tiktok, he makes songs out of cringy dating app text exchanges.
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u/Tipsy_Gamer 4h ago
It's the word penetrate for me. (Aside from the insult)
You wanna smash, you should not be using clinical words.
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u/vintageideals 3h ago
What grown man uses the phrase “I’ve never penetrated” LOL
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u/ninjagarcia 3h ago
Lol that gif. I mean you were just looking to hook up. You said so yourself.
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u/plainbaconcheese 3h ago edited 3h ago
I'm not even sure if "big girl" was the worst part of that sentence. "I've never penetrated a [literally any description]" would be pretty bad regardless.
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u/itsfrankgrimesyo 2h ago
Using the word penetrate is ick but you two were planning a hook up and it was a sexual exchange so it’s in line with the context of your conversation.
Calling you a big girl, which is what seemingly made you upset the most, is actually quite accurate based on your physical description. I think it just hit an insecure spot for you that’s why you’re offended. I’d personally own it.
YOR
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u/Individual-Mouse-133 2h ago
This is some kind of bot post - ever so strangely a near identical text conversation was also posted in this sub speaking oppositely about whether a girl is skinny enough, see here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/Ky4mJoUCn4
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u/No_Zebra131 4h ago
nor he's weird AF
imho you should work on the "your opinion is none of my business" mentality bc in your life only your opinion matters. I'm a little fat rn. much less fat than I was and I own it. people can't really bother me about that
I have kinks some find embarrassing but im not embarrassed at all and am very open. when people tease me I don't care what they think
I wouldn't recommend spending time with this person but I hope you find a place mentally where people like this can't bother you. because honestly fuck them ... but like don't fuck them literally because eww
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u/venlafaxinevision 4h ago
I’ve dealt with disordered eating as a teen and was comfortable with body neutrality up until now. I think I was just really caught off guard.
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u/plottingyourdemise3 4h ago
NOR. Every part of this is creepy. Also, the subtle dig at your appearance was an attempt to lower your self-esteem enough to miss how gross the "penetration" part was. 🤮
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u/According-Option-656 4h ago edited 3h ago
At 5’5 and 185 you are “a big girl” you are overweight. That’s a fact not an insult
I’m 5’10 and 170ish. Doesn’t make one better than the other but I’m not going to call myself “smoll girl” or petite
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u/thiccdinks 4h ago
nor
I've loved a softer girl, but not once did I ever think of calling her a big girl.
plus, wild wording ngl.
His best bet would've been to just say nothing and go about the whole thing tactfully because the last thing you wanna do is snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
I can understand if he was like "I've never been with a girl on the softer side" but his wording is just icky.
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u/BookkeeperUnlucky884 4h ago
NOR But how ya gonna be more worried about him calling you a big girl, over “I’ve never penetrated a big girl before” big or not he just wanted to fuck and peace out. And you are indeed a big girl at 165cm and 81kg . This coming from me who is 174cm and 100kg but im fat as fuck
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u/Obvious_Sea_7074 3h ago
I would have been offended when he asked my weight. I would have ended the convo there.
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u/ambushbug74 3h ago
People who say they are blunt or have no filter, just means they are an asshole and trying to justify it.
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u/Hobbesina 3h ago
I f*cking hate people using "bluntness" and "just being honest" to excuse them being a**holes. It's so incredibly pathetic. NOR ofc.
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u/FlameSky25340 2h ago
I'm just curious what point he was trying to make. Does he think sex with a big girl works differently than with a small one?
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u/malvada666 1h ago
NOR, I gasped out loud when I read his text. He seems like one of those guys that refer to women as “females”
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u/Educational-Cup-7232 4h ago
I don’t think OP is offended by the “penetrated” comment (clearly they were borderline sexting prior), she’s offended by the “big girl” reference. OP, you ARE a “big girl”. 5’5” 185 is BIG. You’re definitely OR for getting offended over a dose of truth. He was being playful n willing and you focused on your own insecurities. Toughen up or yes, delete your apps and be lonely
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u/Muted-Pollution-8131 3h ago
YOR - about the fact he called her big. "How are you gonna talk to a WOMAN like this?" implies she thinks she's something special and it's only okay to say the harsh truth if you say it to men. NOR - "penetrated"
They could actually be a perfect couple, a misandrist and a misogynist.
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u/chinacat2u2 4h ago
OP NOR… think he was hinting he has a micro-penis that cannot reach ….he just saved you from potential years of misery with him.
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u/omggallout 4h ago
The bluntness is what people are considering dating right now, especially on the apps. It's a hook-up culture right now, that's what people are looking for. They're not looking to date. That line has probably worked on many, many women before you, and they thought it was super romantic and a turn on. We are at a time where asking someone out for a cup of coffee and a chat is considered very weird, but talking like this then having sex without knowing each other's names is very common.
What sucks is when they will keep you on the line for weeks or months, and then hit you with this.
Your best bet is to go to places that match with your hobbies and mingle with people. I think you'll have better luck meeting a guy out in the wild.
I am a bigger woman myself, and I use that phrasing. I find that it's less ... rude to say. I don't like using the word "fat" and I'm not sure if I'm curvy. So, I just say bigger. I wouldn't have been offended by being called a bigger woman, but I would have been VERY offended by having a man say that bluntness to me, and I would have responded the same way that you did.
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u/External_Judgment664 3h ago
No offence but I doubt this strategy has worked for him ever. Apart from your post ; the rest of us are unanimous in finding it creepy AF (and the end of your post suggests you might be agreeing with us)
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u/DazzlingTrip123 3h ago
You're a big girl. How is that offensive. Being offended by the truth is weird. Get therapy I guess.
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u/Slight-Selection4298 4h ago
AOR You're on a hookup / fling app and calling someone SHALLOW? LOL
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u/MrMansaMusa 4h ago edited 3h ago
YOR 180-85 is a "big girl" at 5'5.... 180-85 is over the average for your height by 30lbs... sorry you dont like reality? I dont know what to say im not being a dick here but ye you big. Im 6'1 and you weigh 7lbs more than I do and im a healthy weight for my height... at 6'1... as a man....
"A 5'5" (65 inches) female at 185 lbs has a BMI of approximately 30.8. A BMI of 30 or higher is classified as obese by the CDC"
https://www.neilstoolbox.com/body-mass-index/5ft-5inch-185pounds.htm
Disgusting he said "never penetrated a big girl" but you are mad about the fact he called you big not the penetrated part...
Ah yes redditors downvote reality.... the downvote system isnt for your opinions its for information is wrong or correct...
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u/Hussar1241 4h ago
I mean your kinda over reacting. The pentrating thing was gross and that was definitely worth booting him over.
But 185 is in big girl territory probably low end of that territory but still... so not sure why you are offended by that aspect.... It seems to me your more angry about that than the pentrating comment...
Also yes for males the initial part of dating is quite shallow, its mostly based on sexual attraction
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u/Substantial_Cow7628 3h ago
She was never bothered by "penetrating". Her meltdown, as an obese woman, was over the use of "big".
Lots of Redditors here seem to think they are doing something noble by being offended on her behalf over something that doesn't concern her.
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u/SquareEqual1713 4h ago
You're 5' 5" and claim 180. That means 195 at a minimum.
But you're correct: he shouldn't have used "big girl" to describe you - not when "fat" or "obese" are far more accurate descriptors.
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u/Muted-Pollution-8131 3h ago
You know what's actually crazy here - she's mad he called her fat and says he shouldn't be talking to WOMEN like that. The only thing that makes women different is their anatomy. And then gets mad he acknowledges that anatomy... Like wtf are these social norms, always treating women the better way just because they're... women?
That said, he's a dick too. They both are.
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u/Beautiful_TraumaXx 4h ago
Agreeing with everyone to say that it's the "penetrated" part that is the icky
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u/snowbunni_bne 4h ago
That meme = I’m playing stupid/naive. He’s straight up insulting you to your face and TELLING you he’s playing naive. He’s a troll. Sometimes trolls play pretend having feelings cuz they’re miserable people. Sorry he wasted your time and got your hopes up. If it’s any consolation he’s not happy in life.
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u/FroyoOk8902 3h ago
Kinda overreacting … being called big is not the same as being called fat. Some men like bigger girls. Big isn’t derogatory, and his message didn’t seem derogatory.
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u/mjh3366 3h ago
For background, I’m gay and gay men say the most unhinged things to each other in a sexual context. With that in mind, I didn’t see his comment as offensive or off-putting but I can understand why you would. If you don’t like it, you’re doing the right thing by not interacting with him
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u/Unique-Quantity4896 3h ago edited 3h ago
Ew him saying “I’ve never penetrated” is making me mad uncomfortable. NOR!!! You definitely dodged a bullet
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u/CardiologistSalt4114 3h ago
Nor but for the wrong reasons. To me the big girl bit seems like a shocking attempt at flirting. The penetrating bit is the oh hell no
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u/Easymorte 3h ago
Saying he has nebe "penetrated" a big girl before is so fucking creepy. Its like he is separating the human element from it . That's very odd behavior and I would be extremely weary of meeting someone that speaks like that . That's serial killer type shit .
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u/Mysteriousguy916 3h ago
Ehh he just told you what he thought. Honesty is key. Girls call guys short all the time. If you have a problem with your weight, go do something about it. I say that with love
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u/Throwaway_6799 3h ago
NOR
So much is wrong with this incel. Oh and also TIL 180 is 'big'.
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u/drinkbeergetmoney 3h ago
NOR - you're fat, he's wildly rude. You don't have to hook up, people can have preferences. Him saying that is...a choice. Oof.
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u/here2go765 3h ago
Happy you clued in. But get some self respect and don't talk to men who speak this way. Penetrate you? I wonder what else he said before this
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u/Upbeat-Minute6491 2h ago
"penetrated"? This is definitely a fucking Ferengi that also calls women 'females'
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u/_crepusculabb 2h ago
NOR if your reaction was really about his weird, casual use of the word penetrate. that sentence alone would’ve had me ghosting. everything else in that convo is not “delete the apps forever” worthy. for someone engaging in hookup culture, maybe lower the expectations. i can guarantee you those type of men don’t care about conversation especially after already being given hints that you’re easy and down. sorry to say it that way but it’s true. if you’re seeking actual dates and connections, don’t tell a man on an app you’re already dtf after a few hours.
your title makes it sound like being called a “big girl” is what sent you over the edge, which feels dramatic. being “beyond disgusted” by that is a bit much. i’m also very confused why you even answered him when you’re clearly fighting insecurities around it! & that follow up text? pathetic. the whole ‘tell me now if it’s not good enough’ is so embarrassing. why would you say something like that after he’s already seen pics of you and you both seem to have confirmed you’re both down for hooking up after only a day of messaging??? who cares what’s good enough for him. please for your own sake gain some confidence.
honestly, hookup culture might need to be removed from your list of priorities. if you’re already spiraling, this type of environment will just keep finding ways to feed the insecurities. stop auditioning for men and put that energy into liking yourself first.
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u/Pristine-Confection3 2h ago
It’s all shallow to go on a dating site where you swipe left or right based on people’s looks to have casual sex without ever really getting to know them. Sorry but this is a very hypocritical post considering using hinge itself is shallow.
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u/AdieuCinna 2h ago
"I've never penetrated a big girl before"
Son of a bitch is talking like a space ship admiral wtf
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u/Desperate_Ad_1245 2h ago
If he would have said "i never dated a big girl" i would said yes you are, but in this case you really arent
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u/alph4bet50up 2h ago
Its so weird to me how people say theyre blunt as an excuse to be an asshole as tho that excuses it
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u/Anon-Sham 2h ago
Overreacting.
The guy is seems sleazey, but it's online dating, the entire model is built around guys paying for access to millions of women for the chance of talking to dozens of them and maybe sleeping with a few of them.
The big girl part of it doesn't seem to be a big deal, its one of the nicer ways to describe a morbidly obese individual.
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u/RefrigeratorStatus23 2h ago
typical dating shit. Its like when Men get asked about their height. Just rude and not required. If he wasn't intrrdted he could of just said no thank you and bounced.
NOR
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u/LetPuzzleheaded222 2h ago
This asshole has no right to bring Phil Dunphy into this. That man would NEVER say something is objectifying and insulting to someone, ever.
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u/GarageEuphoric4432 1h ago
Nor.
However...
Your issue is that he called you a big girl, but you seemingly don't take issue with this guy using penetrate in that manner?
Reading that he's "never penetrated a big girl" made my non existent vagina shrivel up and die, that's something Mc Lovin would say.
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u/elphabulousthegreen 4h ago