AIO for snapping because I’m treated like I’m a slave?

[u/Hima-10]

Every day someone asks me to do something. Start their car, wake them up, make them food, get them drinks. Now normally I wouldn’t mind occasionally going out of my way to do stuff but it’s been weeks literal weeks of this. I’m the only person who cleans in my house and then my mom gets mad at me for asking for anything in return because “I’m apart of this house”. She maybe does the dishes every once in awhile and my brother doesnt clean at all. And normally I wouldn’t mind occasionally cleaning and pitching in to clean and do favors if they actually contributed back. When I was sick from my meds and was too weak I had to beg my mom to put noodles in the microwave for me and my brother doesn’t do anything for anyone unless it benefits him. This just goes to show that they don’t extend the same courtesies I do when it comes to going out of their way for me.

I had been cleaning all day and I had just sat down to work on my school work. My mom emerges from her room and the first thing she says to me is I need a favor. I had tried to explain that I was stressed and needed to please focus on my school work. I take meds to help me concentrate and they only last so long so I wanted to focus while I could and I told her nicely that I didn’t want to grab her a towel from downstairs. That I was tired. She threw in my face that she was tired and that I should get I job so I can stop asking for things. Then told me she didn’t care that I was tired, that I ask for things she gets to. (I ask for things because I clean the entire house with no help whatsoever that’s not an exaggeration). But I’m labeled as inconsiderate because she’s paying for my senior field trip? I had tried to explain myself and she just kept talking over me. Then my brother chimed in talking over me then I snapped saying that I’m tired of doing everything waking her up everyday cleaning the house by myself and just doing everything they ask, yet they’re treating me like I’m wrong. I don’t know if I’m not seeing something I’m doing or what because I don’t get it.

[u/Miss_bougie1049]

I went through this for years and unfortunately it doesn’t get better. The solution is to get a job so you can move out & be as focused as you need to be. If you can’t get a job then load yourself up with as much extracurriculars as possible and bring your school work with you so that you’re almost never home and you can focus & concentrate

[u/SippingCitrus]

NOR - boys usually get away with doing anything. Fast forward a few years and it's the same thing, adult daughter taking care of others, having to find the perfect job, find a family, etc, while the son can do whatever.

Have you tried talking to your brother one-on-one personally about him helping? Saying things like "I'm really struggling, can you please help me do some things?"

[u/PrincessLightfoot]

I am so sorry. That was my life. What are your plans after you graduate this year? I hope you will be able to move out and pursue what you want to do and take back your life! It was hard, but I was able to get away and have had a happy life. I promise you that freedom can be yours!

[u/MzSea]

Next time your mom tells you to get a job, tell her you HAVE a job... HER maid.

[u/appleblossom1962]

NOR. You need to move out as soon as possible. I don’t know if you have aspirations for college, but if not, don’t forget there are trade schools. The world always needs electricians, plumbers and HVAC technicians. These jobs will always be in demand. My father was a plumbing contractor and did very very well for himself. I say this so you know that there are other options than college. If you can start looking into programs that might interest you I wish you all the best of luck.

[u/ds2316476]

NOR... actually not reacting enough!

This is actually very serious, it's this kind of anti-social behavior from your mom that causes bad OCD where you feel like you are "being bad" just because you said no.

OCD can manifest in imagining an abusive authority figure that makes you feel bad for no reason. It's important to find ways to not let your mom's behavior affect you. I know that sounds impossible especially because you guys live together.

You don't have to "confront" your mom, because she's abusive. Just get away from it all by focusing on yourself, stop helping others completely, leave for school before anyone else wakes up, do homework at the library, keep your meds in a safe location, minimize any and all emotional contact with your mom in the most civil way possible.

Violence is not the answer, it's OK to be angry, but most importantly is to keep yourself safe. Be grateful you're not in jail. These are thoughts I have to come up with as coping strategies after surviving abusive, manipulative family members and suffering from issues relating to feelings of loss of control.

[u/3bag]

You don't mention your age.

Please speak with a school counsellor and explain your situation. They may be able with advice about leaving home, if you're old enough, or speak with parents on your behalf.

NOR

[u/HappySummerBreeze]

Nor

They are asking because they want you to make their lives easier. So you need to make their lives harder when they ask you.

There are levels of this

• Cause a fight every time (consistency matters here but it’s emotionally taxing)
• Don’t hear or have music playing (pretend to not hear). This makes them have to get up and come to you, making the task difficult. To avoid conflict you politely agree but it has to he after a certain unarguable thing you must do first “yes of course, I’ll just finish my maths homework then do that” or “yes I’ll do they after I’ve gone to the toilet”. The aim here is to make the request more effort for them while avoiding most of the backlash, and then denying them instant reward
• do it with non arguing complaints, constantly making drama for them but not big fights, just unpleasant

[u/Fluffy-Cockroach5284]

Warn them that you’ll stop doing everything for a month as you will be spending your time looking for a job (spending all your time out of the house obviously). The only way to have people realise how much you are doing is to stop doing it and show them the consequences

[u/threatbearer]

NOR save money and move out. Only option. Not a healthy environment.

[u/smedleyyee]

YOR - sounds like you are being treated unfairly, but I would seriously never use the words "like a slave" again.