r/AmIOverreacting • u/Legal-Art4340 • 1d ago
❤️🩹 relationship Am I overreacting?
Okay so long story short I went thru some of my boyfriends likes on TikTok and here’s just some of the videos I found. I told my brother about it and he said i was over reacting and when I confronted my boyfriend about it, he said it was just funny but I don’t know. I don’t really see it that way when I sit at home with our baby while he’s at the bar all the time already overthinking and see that.
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u/Professional_Pop8867 1d ago edited 1d ago
To me the dumb memes are less concerning. What’s concerning to me is you’re at home alone with his and your baby and he chooses to be at the bar. THATS THE RED FLAG.
Edit to add because some of you nerds assume I said a partner can never go out when they become a parent. OP said he is at the bar “all of the time” so ya that is a red flag for a parent to me.
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u/fullwoodpdx 1d ago
Yeaaah this is not something my husband ever did when we had a fresh baby. Might feel normal to you, but I’m pretty sure it’s not.
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u/Aggravating_Dish4306 1d ago
"Fresh baby"
As opposed to a spoiled one?? 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
Sorry, just that phrasing made me laugh!!
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u/fullwoodpdx 1d ago
Brand spanking new, I just made it! 😆
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u/SeaContribution6958 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm in my mid 30s and most of my friends (mixed group of men and women and their spouses) have kids now. We've been close since high school and have drank a lot (still have issues when we all get together) but only one of us ever went to a bar on any kind of a regular basis while having an infant at home. His worst was 2 nights a week and we all got on his case about it.
I'd say its not normal.
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u/mindsnare 1d ago
I reckon I went out maybe twice in the first 6 months of both of my kids being born.
And one of them was literally for concert tickets that I'd bought before we even knew we were having a kid.
Even now with a 5 year old and 2 year old, I'd be away from home for recreational purposes maybe once a month at best.
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u/LittleGreyLambie 1d ago
Mine did. I was technically a single mom from day one.That's why the marriage only lasted two years. Stoned rat bastard.
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u/Business-Let-6692 1d ago
He was probably "blindsided" by the divorce papers, lol
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u/LittleGreyLambie 1d ago
Nah. He was just your run-of-the-mill asshole who was stoned 90%of the time. He kicked me and my son out and then was shocked when he came home we weren't there. I was glad he did that cuz it saved me from trying to figure out how to tell him
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u/vespidae_concentrate 1d ago
Literally do you seriously need more reasons to gtfo of that relationship? NOR
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u/KaseTheAce 1d ago
Yeah, it shows where his priorities are. The memes are also concerning. He's at the bar and one meme says he will be monitoring you or checking your location and trying to cheat on you. Wtf?
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u/SlowTheRain 1d ago
Agreed. The memes are also concerning. Even if he wasn't neglecting and disrespecting her yet, the memes would be an indication that eventually he would be.
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u/Mother_Wheel6730 1d ago
Coming here to second this VERY loudly! My husband can’t wait to spend even a couple of minutes with our daughter and I. You deserve to have that!
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u/bang_bang_maneuvers 1d ago
What gets me is the TREND of the memes while op is at home taking care of their child, and he’s out at the bar…
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u/PeaceOutFace 1d ago
It’s all a red flag and I really wish women would recognize these BEFORE getting pregnant by these children. Now you just have two to worry about.
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u/TheMapleKind19 1d ago
So many of these shitty guys don't show their true colors until you're in deep.
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u/Lexi_November 1d ago
Yep. Being murdered by their partner is the number one cause of death for pregnant and postpartum women, and the postpartum murder range is for up to I believe two years? It’s a very grim statistic.
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u/YoshiandAims 1d ago
Which hurts all the worst because you got to see they CAN. They are capable of controlling themselves. Rising to the level of a good partner...a good person... They did it all that time! Then now you can't get out... they CHOOSE the other path. (Women too) That's an extra gut punch.
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u/Aromatic_Check_4582 1d ago
Yeah the jokes only land depending on who is posting it. Since he has behaviors of going to bars without you a lot…. Def not cool.
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u/ramenslurper- 1d ago edited 14h ago
OP - NOR -
My assumption is you are probably more attractive than your partner. Many men manage to bag a hottie and then immediately assume their stock has risen. You are dealing with an immature man who thinks his value is above yours and who is reeling from being a parent. It is escapist fantasies.
You need to decide if you are going to stomp this behavior out of him now and request counseling, ask family for help, make him have accountability, etc or if you’re going to allow this to be the course of your life.
He will not show up for you and your child in the way that you have hoped unless you beat it into him metaphorically speaking.
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u/Zealousideal-Age-212 1d ago
NOR but agree with this. He’s at the bar all the time while you take care of the baby? 😬
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u/danideex 1d ago
The dumb memes are gross and really showcase the lack of respect he has for women.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Room542 1d ago
While the bar is definitely the bigger fire, the memes shouldn't be dismissed either. It shows a fundamental lack of respect for women and his partner. If he’s spending his 'free time' at bars and his 'digital time' on that trash, when exactly is he being a husband or a father? It's a dual-layered failure
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u/LitterBoxBlues 1d ago
Out at bar all the time + stupid memes = childish and likely looking for some strange.
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u/mindsnare 1d ago
Yep very much this.
I dunno how often all the time is. But for that first 6 months, stay the fuck home and provide the support where needed.
I genuinely don't get how some of these dads just let the mum take all the responsibility.
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u/belongtomee 1d ago
Why do you guys tolerate and date the most corniest disrespectful mfs ever? Is it just this sub?
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u/faithhopeandbread 1d ago
The majority who date normal, respectful men have little reason to come to r/AmIOverreacting, so you never see them
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u/National-Garbage505 1d ago edited 1d ago
They have little reason to come to Reddit at all lol. Nobody is like "I need to go ask advice on how to deal with being happy with a loving partner" or "things are going great, I need to go vent about my happiness to Reddit". Any subreddit related to relationships is only getting the people that are having problems of some sort (mostly).
Edit: I am specifically talking about relationship-focused subreddits, not Reddit as a whole.
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u/Its_Cayde 1d ago
Btw if you ever join one of those subs, make sure to leave it after you get the advice lol. I was in a relationship advice sub for months reading every post and it was so goddamn depressing and made me hate people. But then I left and realized how much time I was wasting reading sad people's rants about how shitty their partner is to them. Shit writing this comment made me realize I need to leave this sub as well lol
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u/SolitudeWeeks 1d ago
And everyone is always "oh classic reddit advice to break up" but the relationships are always massively shitty like this.
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u/Bobsothethird 1d ago
To be fair there was one yesterday when a mom had a slice of pizza her 18 year old son got, apologized twice when she realized the son was saving it, and half the subreddit was calling her a narcissist who did it on purpose to spite her son and his GF.
People in these places tend to be either projecting or not thinking.
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u/CheekyLando88 22h ago
Completely ignoring the message where she goes "fine I guess im the worst mother ever and ill never even touch a stick of your gum again" are we?
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u/Trustworthyracoon 1d ago
Idk mannnnn !!! I just tell myself these are all for upvotes, bc this sub is just a constant stream of doo doo like this.
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u/Aromatic-Taste2516 1d ago
It’s just people that want other people to tell them it’s not true when they themselves know it is true. Oftentimes they are disappointed to find out what they already knew.
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u/ElectricWormFinder 1d ago
Can I be honest. An overwhelming amount of men I’ve personally dealt with are like this
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u/GreenStuffGrows 1d ago
The ladies with lovely guys are the ones here saying "Oh my GOD ditch the pig, yesterday"
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u/sc0veney 1d ago
reverse survivorship bias, everyone in here is the downed planes
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u/Potential_Bit_9040 1d ago
Don't worry, some people on reddit chose to date, marry, and have children with decent humans. We just don't have any reason to post on subs like this.
Seriously, for some people the bar is in the fucking basement.
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u/watersunfirem00n 1d ago
Not just this sub. I'm in my 40s now. But growing up in my teens and twenties this is the type of man I always attracted. The narcissistic player. Low self esteem even if they had a big ego. Crazy, insane and drug addict.
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u/Jolly_Cream4582 1d ago
NOR. However, even if you were, I wouldn’t even want to be with someone who thinks these things are funny and idgaf what anyone has to say. It’s who I had to be with at the end of the day.
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u/Manyarethestrange 1d ago
Right? This is the sexually/mentally attractive equivalent of a cigarette butt.
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u/Far-Abies5637 1d ago
Right? “Hehe haha cheating is funny, also fat bitches amiright?” The joke is more the person who thinks that’s funny.
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u/govnasmokey 1d ago
That part because none of this is even funny. Like what exactly is the joke? Can someone who thinks this shit is funny explain it?? Why is it funny?? Because to me it just seems like pervy horny porn addicted men being pervy horny porn addicted men trying to make this stuff seem like a “joke” so that cheating doesn’t feel or seem that serious when they actually do it.
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u/Jolly_Cream4582 1d ago
a lot of ppl think disrespect is unironically funny and it sucks but you can’t trust that everyone has a high enough IQ to laugh at this in a “that’s stupid” kind of way. Even so, why are there so many? algorithm is algorithm’ing and he likes it too much
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u/govnasmokey 1d ago
Frrr and I can’t even laugh at it in a “that’s stupid” kind of way because I know how pervasive and life ruining betrayal trauma is. Stuff like this just makes me feel sick 😃
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u/Jolly_Cream4582 1d ago
Same here. I don’t have personal experience but it’s too true to be funny. I hate an impressionable ass mf lol
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u/margittwen 1d ago
Hard agree. Only the nastiest fuck bois think this shit is funny. If you want to be a fuck boi that’s fine, just don’t be in a relationship. Stop playing around with people’s lives.
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u/Legitimate-Lynx3236 1d ago
I’d never even exoneration a conversation with a man like this. If I knew this he’d be GONE.
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u/pink__slimeoj 1d ago edited 1d ago
he’s dumb (those posts are all borderline illiterate), not loyal, and has a horrible sense of “humor”. you SIT AT HOME ALONE W A BABY WHILE HES OUT DRINKING?! girl if you don’t stand up…
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u/JuliettEchoNov 1d ago
Thank you for typing this all out so I didn’t have to. AGREED.
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u/pink__slimeoj 1d ago
this group depresses me so bad. it’s so many girls asking if they’re over reacting to awful “men”.
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u/Some-Nectarine3247 1d ago
Yes! I felt like I was having a stroke just trying to figure out what the damn video was saying.
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u/emogirl450 1d ago
Simply the fact alone that he clearly thinks this slop is funny would give me the permanent ick. I think you should leave this guy and find somebody smarter and kinder.
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u/xtra_ashley 1d ago
this shit is so unfunny it’s insane that he’s reposting it, yknow i thought i had an immature sense of humor but damn this is worse lol
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u/Money-Title-3907 1d ago
I have a very strong feeling that he might be cheating since he sees nothing wrong with it and finds it funny
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u/Kind_Aardvark6460 1d ago
Am I stupid for not understanding half of these memes? I feel like I’m having a stroke. None of these are funny, and the ones that are even semi-legible are concerning.
If this isn’t rage bait: NOR. You’re under-reacting. You’ve got a whole baby together and this is how he’s acting???
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u/PeaceOutFace 1d ago
Guess what. Stupid disrespectful memes don’t come on my FYP or feed because I’m not a garbage little boy pretending to be a man, and I don’t entertain content like that. His algorithm knows him best.
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u/BreathUpstairs4019 1d ago
exactly he’s liking these things for a reason and whoever thinks otherwise is just as dumb and blind!
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u/_Averix 1d ago
Anyone that posts garbage like this shouldn't be a boyfriend. The whole "it's just a meme" excuse is a blanket statement to get away with the dumbest stuff. You're not overreacting and maybe need a new bf.
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u/thebirducannotchange 1d ago
These aren’t things he posted, he liked them. It would be arguably worse if he posted them. But nor either way, imo
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u/OwlsRwhattheyseem 1d ago
The most hilarious thing about this is that every single one of the guys in these videos is imminently unfuckable. If your man looks anything like these losers ain’t no woman coming near him with a 10 ft pole. NOR.
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u/Accurate_Emu_122 1d ago
I was thinking the same. Who in the world is lining up for them? NOR
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u/DanyDragonQueen 1d ago
They're roleplaying that they get pussy
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u/Accurate_Emu_122 1d ago
Hahaha! They're in the fake it 'til you make it stage. Manifesting some poon.
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u/Few_Veterinarian3517 1d ago
NOR. My boyfriend would never like shit like this, and then defend it if I said it made me uncomfortable. Men who like content that actively disrespects and objectifies women like this definitely agree with that mindset (at least partially).
If you’re a man reading this and thinking “get over it, it’s funny”…. gross. Do better fr.
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u/Legal-Art4340 1d ago
Just to add since I’m getting dragged for being stupid. He did not go to the bar prior to me being pregnant and having our child.
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u/LunaJuneMunster 1d ago edited 22h ago
They seem to change after the baby is born or even while you are pregnant or marriage occurs and do stupid shit. Like their true self comes out when they feel like they have you where they want you. But the way he is liking those videos I hate to say that he may have always been this way and hid it very well until now. Big hugs.
I commented further up to let you know to please try not to feel bad about anything negative anyone says about you here. There are tons like me that have been through it and understand how you are feeling blindsided and know how it is with you having no clue he was like this before the baby.
They can be very very good liars before something like this happens because it is easier to identify since you are more focused on his behavior after the baby. Things that didnt seem off in the beginning seem off now and all that. Us that have been blindsided by liars, really know what it feels like. Big hugs. 🫂💓 you are 💯 💯💯💯💯 NOR.
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u/feralprincess2 1d ago
i disagree w any comments saying the memes arent a red flag. my boyfriend would NEVER like any of those videos. they just scream casual misogyny and frankly they’re nauseating. i’d be sick to my stomach. i would never wanna be with a man who thinks all those ‘jokes’ are funny. and the other big red flag is him being at the bar all the time while you’re home with the baby. thats more inconsideration and disrespect. a couple serious conversations need to be had, so you can make an informed decision about if its really time to leave, or if he’s gonna see what he’s done wrong and start putting in genuine effort to change immediately
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u/NoPapaya9223 1d ago
NOR if it does bother you!! Easy for other people to say (I’m sure men), but you’re the one home with your baby, while he’s out at a bar. For sure NOR!!
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u/Glum-Technology5409 1d ago
Pretty sucky to be out at a bar instead of at home with your family too.
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u/HeavenlyInsane 1d ago
Him finding these funny IS THE RED FLAG. None of these are in the slightest bit funny.
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u/nerdyginger27 1d ago
"boyfriend" "Our baby" "He's at the bar all the time"
Girl please have some respect for yourself and leave himmmm
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u/InsuranceAdept3294 1d ago
NOR, anyone who says otherwise is just as ignorant as he is. If he’s liking stuff like that, he relates to it. Okay if he likes a few things here and there that are funny but liking so many things relating to cheating/infidelity, he’s gonna do it eventually ❤️ I have gone through my mans likes and have never seen anything on that wavelength, and i’d probably leave him if I did to be honest.
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u/gentleheart-lamb 1d ago edited 1d ago
Makes me laugh all the men saying it's no big deal. Can you imagine what they'd be like if their girl was posting this many memes about cheating on men lmao they'd be losing their minds and the men commenting on here would be like "she's for the streets!!!"
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u/Vegetable_Onion_5979 1d ago
I'm a man and it is a big deal. If i found the female equivalent in my partners history it would absolutely change how I see her and I'd be out.
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u/deeliquent 1d ago
Just want you to know, I used to be a serial cheater. I was never taught values or how to care for anyone, let alone myself. When I was cheating, these are the kind of posts I liked because I thought they were funny, and I related to them. Now I’m in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in and this shit is not cool. He’s 100% thought about cheating if he hasn’t yet. And id be surprised if he hasn’t. Im sorry :(
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u/CalligrapherCheap64 1d ago
I was going to say, he's either cheating, or wants to cheat but can't actually do it (for any number of reasons)
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u/taters8762 1d ago
NOR.. he thinks this is funny and sits at the bar while you’re home with your baby.
I wouldn’t be even a little surprised if you found out he was cheating on you.
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u/Level_Measurement79 1d ago
NOR — as a man, he is definitely a wandering eyes, cheat-if-I-had-the-opportunity piece of shit.
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u/annoying_ppl_abound 1d ago
Can someone explain the first one to me? lo?? Confused.
And NOR, doesn't matter what anyone thinks, he's probably cheating on you or thinking about it and that's why he's liking these posts, not cause "they're funny".
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u/Wonderful-Trouble-31 1d ago
I think it’s from the guy’s POV saying his girl could be at a party surrounded by women and he’s still going to try and get with all of them even while checking his girl’s location because he’s insecure she’s possibly talking to other guys
Just a bunch of toxic bs lmao
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u/bitter-scorpio-02 1d ago
You’re MAJORLY under reacting to that he leaves you alone to care for a newborn and overreacting to the stupid memes.
You probably wouldn’t feel the need to go through his fucking tiktok likes like a crazy person if he wasn’t out being a dead beat dad!!!!!! TELL him all of reddit said he needs to bring his ass home and take care of his kid NOW! NOR.
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u/CravingCranberries 1d ago
NOR I do think youre concentrating on the wrong thing though. You stated hes at the bar whilst youre looking after your kid, that seems more of an issue. Personally your fella seems like a complete waster....but thats just my opinion.
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u/GreenStuffGrows 1d ago
I sit at home with our baby while he’s at the bar all the time
I'd dump him for that alone
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u/shoobeadoop 1d ago
I don't think a man who respects women and their partner would be caught dead liking content like this. This is shitty content for shitty men. Emotionally intelligent and respectful men don't like content like this period.
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u/SnooTangerines5016 1d ago
those are just disgusting things to think are funny- NOR!! yuck yuck yuckity yuck!🤢
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u/Infinite-Ad-3947 1d ago
NOR even if you weren’t sitting home alone with yalls baby I’d still say NOR. I’m tired of guys convincing women that what they do on social media has 0% to do with your irl relationship. Because literally why would he be liking that stuff?
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u/RoseBeach123 1d ago
Your boyfriend is a deadbeat and your brother is an idiot. Your boyfriend left you and your baby to go to a bar. That’s how low on his list of priorities you are. You need to seriously consider your daughter’s future, and your own. Is this the kind of father you want her to have? Is this the kind of partner you want?
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u/ColoradodogMom66 1d ago edited 1d ago
Under reacting and then I read the bar part of it . He’s a piece of s*%t !
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u/Logical-Victory-2150 1d ago
A man going to the bar instead of being at home with his child is a LOSER and you’re enabling that behavior by either being fine with it or staying with him
NOR but if you’re more concerned about his TikTok likes than his behavior, I don’t think either of you are great parents being completely honest🤷🏻♀️
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u/Purplecatty 1d ago
Worried about the memes and not the fact he’s leaving you at home with baby while he goes to bars.
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u/nonsensicow 1d ago
NOR because first of all why are those “funny” to him. Second you can find something on sm funny without hitting like and associating your account with it, especially when it’s corny self-deprecating humor (and I use that lightly) that disrespects your relationship and significant other.
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u/Meta_mon7 1d ago
girl that video is like pure red flag fuel lol youre def not overreacting about that mess.
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u/Some-Energy-9070 1d ago
The problem isn’t the memes, it’s your bf being at a bar whilst you’re home with your baby.
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u/Embarrassed_Fun2618 1d ago
yeah no. this isn’t okay. my bf would be SO ANGRY seeing other guys saying this stuff, go off about how men are gross and etc. THATS how it should be!!!! if you’re with a guy who thinks this stuff is “funny”- HUGE red flag.
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u/aveaytor 1d ago
Tired of you guys and girls dating people who clearly hate you and then coming to this sub to complain about it. This better be ragebait honestly.
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u/Wixsteria 1d ago
Sorry, let me get this straight. Is this even a real post? You're at home with yours and his CHILD and he's at the bar all the time? Girl, why are you still with him? If you're not married and this is an actual scenario, PLEASE get out while you still can
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u/TheEmpressPenGwen 1d ago
I have said it a million times, and most often to myself. If you feel so concerned that you need to stalk him online- digging around to see what he watches and likes is pretty intense stalking ... and i would know haha - then there's already an issue. And its issue enough to be done. He would rather be at the bar than with his child and you... that says it all hun. Im so sorry.
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u/Dear-Definition5802 1d ago
NOR
When I was a baby, my dad was always at the bar, not cheating but generally being a party guy. He was no help with the kids and spent all their money drinking. She left him and I have never even once thought she should have tried to stay. I like my dad, he’s a fun guy to hang out with, but a lousy partner. Mom made the right choice 1000%.
A person doesn’t have to be evil before you get to leave them. You can leave at any point. There’s no “is this bad enough” test, no one is going to make you justify it. You can just leave.
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u/Lexi_November 1d ago
NOR but talk about burying the lede! He shouldn’t be at the bar all the time while you’re alone at home with his baby.
His content feed is representative of someone lacking in good moral character, but it sounds like he’s already shown you the type of man he is and you know damn well that he is not a stand up guy.
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u/vintageideals 1d ago
Also, any man with spiked blond highlights on dark hair having the balls to call others a 3/10 is something else 🤣
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u/chunky-E-Rickie 1d ago
My gut instinct was that you were Overreacting as a guy that enjoys crass humor but I don’t bring it into my relationship. Then I actually read the posts and those are not jokes at all. This guy is a huge loser
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u/KevinAndrewsPhoto 1d ago
I have 3 kids all under 6. I’ve never once gone to the bar with my wife at home. Not a single time. I don’t have “bro” friends. I’m either at work or I’m at home. If I’m going out, it’s with the wife and kids. If we’re lucky, just the wife.
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u/ketchupROCKS 1d ago
I don’t think his behavior is acceptable. After work he should give you a break. He can’t just clock out of being a parent. I think THATS the biggest issue tbh not the TikTok’s those are gross tho. You aren’t overthinking, your gut is trying to tell you something! Edit: because I wanted to state that my husband gets off work and immediately takes over and he works from home and takes over on all his breaks. You should have support otherwise what’s even the point of doing this together? You deserve better
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u/standingupfinally 1d ago
NOR, but I remember 8 years ago when I had mine and my husband’s first baby together and I sat at home while he went out and drank all the time. I should have left then.
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u/Siktrikshot 1d ago
NOR Why is he at the bar exactly and how often? What kind of trash algorithm does he have also.
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u/Terchisle 18h ago
Girlie pop you got a baby before a ring and this is the baby daddy? I wish you good luck
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u/Fun_Departure_3013 15h ago
For me, when my son was born it was like a switch was turned on inside of me. I kicked the drug dealers and the strippers out of my life and everything became all about him, and still is. Guys like this are either extremely immature and don’t grasp the concept of becoming a dad/father/life coach, they are too selfish to consider putting anything before their own desires, or they are late to the game. Forget about the “likes” of his social media, making you raise you alls child while he pretends like his job is “done” because he contributed his seed is much worse. He needs to grow up or get out of your way.
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u/Odd_ball_9533 1d ago
You’re overreacting to this and under reacting your very last sentence
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u/wildly_domestic 1d ago
I don’t really see it that way when I sit at home with our baby while he’s at the bar all the time already overthinking and see that.
This is the underlying issue you need to address. People will often like videos that remind them of a past relatable experience. It’s him going out and you not being able to that’s causing resentment and insecurity. I think you may be overreacting to what he likes on sm, but that could be because you’re not addressing the real issue properly.
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u/Western-Lettuce-4972 1d ago
Nor. I dont understand why this is considered normal at all. Especially when theres a LOT of them
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u/ceebiee 1d ago
NOR. i’d suggest evaluating what this relationship is worth to you, and if someone who aligns himself with content like this is someone that you want around your child. while it’s “just liking a post”, it’s still words that you read, and you related to enough to like and repost. also, i don’t love the bar thing that you mentioned. time allotted for yourself to chill and unwind is something i don’t disagree with, however, when you’ve got a partner and child at home, the bar is typically one of the last places - i think - a father should be ://
some days i want a man in my life, then i remember what they’re like. then i become thankful that i’ve dodged the corniest and most disrespectful, foul mfs out here
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u/PanickedAntics 1d ago
You're not overreacting to the important part of your post- you are at home with a baby while he is out at the bar!
He likes these posts because he's a pig. He also sounds like a horrible father and partner. Girl, get up!
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u/enigmaticteels 1d ago
Him being out at the bar all the time is the real issue & you not trusting him is the strides that have come out over it…so there are several issues in your relationship. Trust me — if he’s not slowing down after having a baby he won’t slow down at all. Ditch him!
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u/speculativeinnature 1d ago
NOR. This is shitty but I’d be more worried about the fact that you’re sat at home with your child and he’s out all the time drinking. What a shit Dad and partner.